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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shetlands · 07/04/2025 13:56

Let me get this straight: you are an artist who already sells her paintings, you wish to buy a pottery wheel with your own money and it will be kept next door but your husband says you can't buy it?

Do you live in one of those cult-type communities where women are subservient to men? Or are you currently in a reality TV show set in the 1950s? If it's neither of those things and your husband is just a selfish arsehole, tell him to get stuffed and buy the pottery wheel. Then buy your own shed to keep it in so you don't have to go next door.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:56

I really don't know. He said the only way I can have one is if we move house, but I don't really want to move, and am happy to pop round to my lovely neighbour's studio to use it. I am finding this forum really helpful. Thanks, it is good to hear different viewpoints.

OP posts:
Daydreamingforever · 07/04/2025 13:54

Tell him to do one, he's not your boss

godmum56 · 07/04/2025 13:53

Has he said you can't have it or he won't help you to move it?

unsync · 07/04/2025 13:53

You're not a child. You have your own money and can afford it. Why do you need his permission? Does he want you at home maybe, waiting on him, giving him attention and making him feel important?

100percenthagitude · 07/04/2025 13:53

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:47

Thank you, I am feeling like he is being very controlling with this. I'm gutted tbh.

Is he just doing that huffing whinge that they do, or is it a hard "no".

And what's his real problem?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 07/04/2025 13:52

Oh please don't wait for his permission! Who the hell does he think he is?! More to the point, why wouldn't he want you to have something you'll use and enjoy? What a fun sponge.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 07/04/2025 13:52

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:30

I know a place where I can pay to fire work, I don't need a kiln really. My husband has lots of guitars....🙄

Edited

That right there is the clincher, frankly.

He gets multiple guitars.

You're into art and make money from it and you can't have an affordable pottery wheel that you've already sorted logistics and firing on?

Your DH is an arsehole and quite unreasonable.

AlisounOfBath · 07/04/2025 13:51

Buy the wheel. Tell him you sold one of his guitars to pay for it just to see his face.

BobbyBiscuits · 07/04/2025 13:51

If my partner claimed they wished to purchase a pottery wheel I wouldn't exactly be screaming with enthusiasm. Unless they were a professional potter.
Keeping it on a neighbour's property seems like it could get odd and somewhat awkward as well.

Can you not just go to a place where they have one, and the kilns/ovens etc? That seems more sensible if it really is just a new hobby.

Having said that, If it's your money and you can afford it as a family I can't really see how he can physically stop you. You could just claim the neighbour bought it?! I'm not saying that's a great plan though.

whynotwhatknot · 07/04/2025 13:51

he cant stop you can he so just do it-how does he justify all the guitars(my bil is in a band i know how much they can be)

Iamthemoom · 07/04/2025 13:51

Definitely get the wheel! But if he’s worried about the cost he can always sell one of his guitars! 😂

Codlingmoths · 07/04/2025 13:50

I’d buy it and say he can sell a guitar if he is upset about the money. I might sell one for him to be honest.

eatreadsleeprepeat · 07/04/2025 13:49

If it is from your money and not leaving the family short then go for it. If you already make money from art then can you present him with a financial case that it will pay for itself? Am assuming in all of this that you are already an experienced thrower. Yes it will be heavy but not as heavy as a kiln will be if you get to that stage😂

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 07/04/2025 13:48

I haven’t read the whole thread but please op buy the wheel, because making is good and joyful and in the current state of the world we all need more positive things to happen. 🙂

Megifer · 07/04/2025 13:48

"He doesn't think I should do pottery as well"

I'm afraid all that would do is ensure I made pots for everything.

A pot to store 1 pen in
A pot to put another pot in

Etc. Etc

Acinonyx2 · 07/04/2025 13:48

If it's basically financially doable I think partners should support each other's interests like this. I'm a pottery widow - we even have a kiln. It was a bargain second-hand - but oh - the repairs, fitting special electrical cabling, and the electric bills !! (It's possible to get firing elsewhere though and you save up your pieces for a big load). OTOH, I do have a lot of guitars...

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:47

Thank you, I am feeling like he is being very controlling with this. I'm gutted tbh.

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:47

Sounds like you’ve done your research, you’ve wanted one for a couple of years, and it’s affordable. Go for it

DuskyPink1984 · 07/04/2025 13:46

Why are you listening to him? Don't even ask him. I bet you that if he wanted something, he'd just get it. Just get it.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:46

Thanks. No, I don't ask for much at all and am very low maintenance. I am an artist so that is my main 'thing' but I do sell my paintings and am pretty successful tbh. We aren't skint, though we aren't loaded. Luckily own our home. He doesn't think I should do pottery as well as painting,but painting is my profession, I see pottery as a hobby.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 07/04/2025 13:45

He's being unreasonable and controlling. Given that he has an expensive hobby collecting multiple guitars, WTF. I would buy that wheel.

A decent wheel is easy to resell if you ever wanted. And hand throwing is not that hard to learn, especially if you take some lessons with a good teacher.

LizzieSiddal · 07/04/2025 13:44

And I should add that unless there’s some massive back story here of you wasting money, your H sounds horrible!

ManchesterLu · 07/04/2025 13:44

It's not taking up space in your house so he can't argue for that reason. If you're paying it from your own money, and you're still able to make your contributions to household finances, I really don't see the issue here. Your husband sounds a little controlling.. I know it's easy to say and a lot of people jump to the conclusion easily, but honestly, you should be able to buy what you want with the money you've earned.

LizzieSiddal · 07/04/2025 13:44

Your H has lots of guitars, how much did they all cost? Have you spent a similar amount on your hobbies? If not, buy the wheel!!