To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

Blimey. Some folks don't half indulge their kids. I often do tuition for 16-18 year olds, and the number of times I've sat in their dining room or wherever waiting for them to appear. Never an apology.

I'm pretty old and so was having driving lessons back in the seventies and I don't ever remember my DI getting out of his car and obs no mobile phones so he couldn't text me. I knew I had to be ready and on the lookout for his arrival. I had to pay for my own lessons and I certainly couldn't afford to waste money on a missed lesson. Also from 13 years old I had a paper round and an alarm clock, so was well used to getting myself up for school and my part-time jobs without relying on my parents, despite never being a natural lark.

Sorry Op, but I think if you are old enough to drive then you should be able manage to get yourself up in time for a lesson. I'm sure, from now on, your son will make sure he sets his own alarm and be ready and waiting for the DI. This is just one of those life lessons we all have to learn.

You’ve been told several times your son should have been ready, washed and waiting at the door for the instructor. He wasn’t even up !
Time is money! Time waits for no man.

Teach your lazy assed son some respect. His timekeeping is going to look good to an employer isn’t it.

Because it's work. Not a social call. Time is money. No chit chat, you look out for the car, it arrives, you get in, you have your lesson, get back home. For the instructor - rinse and repeat.

I would have been ready and waiting and looking out the window, because I was 17 not 7.

Oh god you sound like someone who needs constantly spoon feeding and can’t do anything without a second person.

I’m surprised you don’t need someone to walk you to the car lol.

Most people aren’t like that and definitely don’t want our kids being like that.

So we try and teach them not to rely on other people and instead become independent, secure adults.

I hope you’re not teaching your kids to be so dependent on other people like you are.

Well, I think that's quite a different situation, unless the OP's son has specific additional needs.

Why would it make a difference whether it was for work or not?
Presumably lessons are usually an hour, he could have still had 45 mins, or half an hour - no need to impact on any other pupils.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · Today 09:31
'I blame the parents.
Parents today seem to blame everyone else apart from themselves.
Why is it the driving instructor's fault that your son missed a lesson?
Your son seems to not have been taught
to take responsibility for being on time for the appointments he made. And the driving instructor came to your doorstep!
When I learned to drive I had to get a bus into town and walk to the opposite side of town to go to a place where the driving instructors were based. And I got myself there on time - without help from my parents.'

Agreed, apart from the "parents today" part, as we are not all like this. I'm a parent of young dcs, and they will be taking full responsibility as they get older for getting out of bed on time. One is ND, so will require a little more help. We are working on this with visual timetables etc, and are doing our absolute best to support this going forward. It is working well so far.

I was born in the mid 80s, had an alarm clock, got up from the age of 8, got myself fully ready, had breakfast, made dm cup of tea, and walked to school. This continued into university where I would get the bus and carry bags of heavy books with me from the library. I wouldn't have dreamed of being taxied about or asking my parents to wake me up for stuff, and definately wouldn't have expected a knock at the door as form of an alarm clock. That's crazy! I also had a part-time job as well as studying from 15 years old.
I realise mine is a little more of an extreme case, and will be there more for my dcs than dm was for me. I am however very punctual and early for appointments, and will be making sure my dcs are as well.

If someone is having a driving lesson I would want them to be wide awake not just woken up and straight into the car

My DD driving instructor knocks on for every single lesson. She is always ready, bar one time when she couldn’t find her key which I had somehow ended up with, but the DI waited while she brought spare trainers and made her way around our muddy back garden!

But, DD is ASC and struggles with anxiety. DI came to meet us before her first lesson, and is really accommodating knowing she struggles to walk to the car alone and get in. She is also selective mute and he has been so bloody patient and understanding with her, I honestly think DI like him are worth their weight in gold. And the £60 for the 90 min lesson!

How do you even know that the instructor is able-bodied?

He quite likely was; but surely you aren't just assuming that a disabled person who is unable to walk (or can only do so with pain and difficulty) would never get into a profession like DI, which would enable them to work whilst sitting down?

This

My instructor would never have done this. DS should have set his alarm

@Karasis do you expect your boss to phone you to make sure you are awake for work

On reflection, could this be a reverse?
It just seems so incredibly unreasonable.

@NotTonightDeidre
Are you the DI and is someone complaining about you not ringing the doorbell?

@Tropicalturnip the instructor is not picking up a friend. He is at work, and fitting in pupils.
It's not a social call it's a business transaction.

Mine waited outside 40 years ago.

I only saw him get out of the car once and that was to get petrol. I was stunned at how amazing his body was and could barely finish the lesson.

OP, your son is in the wrong. It's basic manners to be up, clean and ready to go. That's what alarms are for.

For god's sake, all these people piling on about leaning lessons etc. Yes of course it's the sons responsibility. And obviously everyone will flame me for pointing out it's not actually that unreasonable to knock on the door if you know someone is expecting you but hasn't seen your message. NOT saying the son isn't responsible, but also.. why NOT just knock on?

If I was picking up a friend and they didn't reply to my text I'd get out and knock on.

If a patient doesn't turn up to one of my appointments, I call them to check if they're coming before writing off the appointment.

If I do a home visit, knock and nobody is in, I'd call them to double check before leaving.

It's common sense, no? Double check so that if for whatever reason he's a bit late, he might still be able to have the majority of the lesson rather than waste both of their time?

And yes yes valuable lesson for the son, should be ready. But he could have knocked, and if son had overslept he could have apologised and thrown on some clothes, and hence not a total wasted hour for either of them?

Common sense!!

They text, ring or beep from the car. Driving instructors can sometimes be late. They book in lots of lessons so an accident, road closure, having to stop to check tyre pressures if a driver hit a kerb etc can make them late. Mine would always make sure I had the full two hours if he was late. The only time I did not was when I was late once and that is absolutely fair.

But your son was not ready to get in the car if he was still in bed. Maybe losing the lesson and money will make him realise you need to be a responsible grown up to drive a car.

Your ds should have been up and ready for the lesson.

Someone failed to parent the driving instructor if he doesn't know how to ring a bell. It's shocking manners to sit there and text like Lord Muck. He could at least call if he can't be bothered to heave his arse out of the car.

I’m guessing the OP wants the DI to parent the teen as they seemed to have failed to do so

I'm guessing he patiently waits on the doorstep for the son to get himself up, dressed and vaguely alert.

First instructor I had was afraid of cats, so she never met me at the door until she popped out to talk to my mum once. (We had a few at the time)
Second and third ones I just looked out for them. I once missed a lesson due to completely forgetting about it - we're all human - and I decided not to do it, but I think I had already paid.