To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

That's a bit harsh, if he was paid for the full lesson upfront.

I agree the son should have been up and OP acknowledges that but if the lesson was paid for I would expect to give him a call or something.

Fair enough, I accept your point.
For me it is more about making the most of the time.
I get a lot of no shows in the NHS and I'd rather call them to check before wasting the appointment time.
Also life happens and sometimes people are late / forget as a one off, but can still salvage some of their appointment. They get reduced time as a result though and get discharged for any future no shows.
But I see your point about setting expectations. Different for a driving lesson where he's just slept in.

I still maintain in this situation I'd just knock on though 😂 for the sake of not wasting my hour / however long is remaining til their next appointment.

People aren’t missing the point of the thread.

The instructor waited outside for DS at the agreed time. He even then sent a text message.

Why should he chase up DS when it’s DS’s responsibility to be up and awake.

No wonder they say the kids of today have anxiety and no resilience.

I can guarantee that DS will now not miss another lesson.
This will also help prepare him for job interviews, working life and other appointments.

If the instructor had rang the doorbell until DS woke up, then waited for him to get ready and finally start his lesson, then DS would not have learnt anything from missing his alarm.

The test is delivered by someone else.
They’re not going to text and ring DS if he’s not ready.

None of this fault lies with the instructor.
He arrived on time and even sent DS a text.
He should not be chasing him any further.

If the lesson was paid for then I would have expected him to wait.

Yes, your DS should have been up but sometimes these things happen. If you had paid for the 1 hour/2 hours and have lost your money I would have expected him to knock on but then tell your DS he wouldn't do it in the future

How rude of your son.
Hope he's paying for that one himself and it's not your money wasted.

I imagine they don't ring doorbells because it then puts them in the awkward position of having to wait for a person who isn't ready.
There is no way your son would have been ready for his lesson and the instructor would have been waiting around wasting valuable time. Their time is money and the expectation is that the student will be ready and waiting.

I guess if you don't like it then your only option is to take your money elsewhere but I think you will find all driving instructors operate in the same way.

I disagree. It’s indicative of our society. Someone messes up and instantly it’s who else can we blame? To you it’s a quick call but this driving instructor will have many many young people as clients and needs to set firm boundaries. If you’re not up and ready to go then you miss your lesson. Lesson - be up and be ready to go.

Teach your DS to have something, road rules related, prepared to read through while he waits for his lesson. The instructor would sometimes have valid reasons as to why they can not be exactly on time arriving at your home.

However, your son needs to always be five minutes early.

But that doesn’t answer the question of why your son wasn’t awake and ready to go anyway. He’s the one you should be having a go at.
Presumably the lesson will have to be paid for anyway.

So am I?

If I do a home visit, knock and nobody is in, I'd call them to double check before leaving.

no.
The DI isn't providing that kind of service. He is providing a service that the DS needs to be ready for.

They don’t knock. It’s your son’s fault and it’s a valuable life lesson. I wish more people did this instead of constantly pandering to others.

People are totally missing the point of the thread.

OP isn't asking if her son was in the wrong or not. She acknowledged he is!!! And obviously he is!

She's asked if it's unreasonable that the instructor didn't try calling or knocking when son didn't respond to a text, before leaving.

I think it's completely reasonable to give someone a quick call if I can see a text hasn't been read, or if I'm outside their door I'd knock on before leaving. But I'm clearly in the minority! It's only the son that's lost out, personally if I was the instructor I'd want to give them an opportunity to salvage the lesson.

@NotTonightDeidre how long did the instructor wait? I guess that also is a factor.

Why should anyone else be expected to wake a 17 year old up?

fwiw I learnt to drive over 40 years ago, mobile phones weren’t even commercially available then so no calling or texting. The instructor never left the car, I had to be ready to go and get in. Some of my lessons he’d pick up from outside the school gates so I had to be there ready and waiting

If your son is old enough for driving lessons, he is old enough to set an alarm.

I learned to drive in 1979 and the instructor never got out of the car - it was the students job to see them drive up and come out.

YABVU to expect a driving instructor to baby your son while he "oversleeps"- and presumably you expected the instructor to wait while your son woke up and got dressed ... It also doesn't seem very safe to hold a lesson with someone unable to even wake up in time.

Well, I'm not going to keep repeating the same point. Plus others have said the same.

Hes 17.... why are you or your DH 'waking him up'.. presumably there's an alarm on his mobile? Or even a good old fashioned alarm clock

Is your DS incapable of setting an alarm and getting up in time for his driving lesson? I assume he is, and he wasn't planning on doing his driving lesson in his pyjamas and dressing gown.

No. Driving instructors should not have to get out and ring the doorbell. They stay in the car and expect the client to be ready and waiting. That's what mine did 40 years ago and also those for my three DDs much more recently.

This is completely your DS's own foolish fault. I hope he had already prepaid for the lesson and has now lost his money (or yours, if the bank of mum and dad is paying).

Not the driving instructor's responsibility at all.

If your son wasn’t up and ready …he was still in bed meant he was going to be late for his lesson.

This is on your son. The fact the driving instructor was late the first time could be due to traffic - your son lateness was due to his own inability to set an alarm.

My driving instructors employed minions to precede them on motor bikes with speakers attached to the pillion seats blaring out George Michaels Wake me Up before you go go on full power. Of course these days I would expect a DI to use modern technology, maybe a drone with a stick attached to knock at the sleeping teens window. Or an electronic rooster.

The instructor no doubt will have still got paid as most have a cancellation policy. I don't see how it's an issue to knock on. It takes 30 seconds. Presumably son doesn't pay by the minute so if he was late it would only mean that - he paid the same but lesson was shorter.

I would have expected my son to be awake and ready if he had am appointment booked. Or you should have been trying to wake him up at least

Not the driving instructors fault or responsibility your ds or his parents couldn't get him out his pit for his lesson and I would not have expected my sons driving instructor to have to wake him up and/or remind us there was a lesson.

Set alarms on your phone to remind yourselves if your ds is unreliable. Maybe consider how much he wants to learn or if he is mature/responsible enough to be learning to drive. If I was paying for his lesson's I would have expected ds to refund me the cost of the one he missed.

Naw, DIs don’t get out of the car. You make sure you are on time - simples. Lesson learned I’m sure.