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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

314 replies

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:15

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

OP posts:
TimeForABreak4 · 07/04/2025 11:37

I passed my test 11 years ago, my eldest used the same instructor a couple of years ago. He never got out the car he pulled up and we were ready to go out. If your son wasn't up and ready to go, he'd have eaten in to his lesson time getting washed and ready and wouldn't of got a full route done, he'd of also still been half a sleep to drive fully alert. It's fully on him.

JackJarvisEsq · 07/04/2025 11:36

Why am I not surprised that between 2 males they couldn’t afford the instructor the courtesy of turning up

Coffeeishot · 07/04/2025 11:35

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 11:35

Some parents would expect that, no doubt.

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More than likely.

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 11:35

Coffeeishot · 07/04/2025 11:33

One of my kids got driving lessons during free periods at school, I can't imagine the DI going to the school office if Dc was late or didn't turn up.

Some parents would expect that, no doubt.

Cosyblankets · 07/04/2025 11:34

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:32

I wouldn't have expected the lesson to extend beyond the finish time & delay others.

DH said he would wake teen. He forgot about the lesson. Had I realised I'd have woken him prior.

DH agrees that it's DS' own fault.

Sometimes we need help. Alarms often don't wake kids/teens. Including smoke alarms too.

Expensive life lesson.

Is he paying for his own lessons?

Coffeeishot · 07/04/2025 11:33

One of my kids got driving lessons during free periods at school, I can't imagine the DI going to the school office if Dc was late or didn't turn up.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 07/04/2025 11:30

YABU I’ve never known a driving instructor to get out the car. I don’t know why but they just don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ your son does need to learn to be up and ready for important commitments so it’s a useful lesson I suppose

Starlight7080 · 07/04/2025 11:21

This cannot be real . Your son should be up ready and waiting outside or atleast keeping an eye out from inside.
No instructor i know gets out to knock they just pull up and the person they are waiting for goes outside. It's just common sense and normal.
They are busy and have a set time per person .
Get a grip and have a word with your lazy son

Sofiewoo · 07/04/2025 11:20

OuchyEars · 07/04/2025 11:17

I agree with you OP. The fact is though that they don't.

The person paying for the lessons is kept out of the loop and the person the lessons are for is not usually as invested in them, or doesn't see the big picture of their money-for-arranged-time nature. Basically the adult is paying and the student is not adulting.
If the person funding the lessons was copied into the timetable they would probably ensure the student was ready.
I am sure the Driving Instructors are all aware of this fact.

If OP’s son can’t be responsible enough to set an alarm an wake up by a set time perhaps he shouldn’t be on the roads?

OuchyEars · 07/04/2025 11:17

I agree with you OP. The fact is though that they don't.

The person paying for the lessons is kept out of the loop and the person the lessons are for is not usually as invested in them, or doesn't see the big picture of their money-for-arranged-time nature. Basically the adult is paying and the student is not adulting.
If the person funding the lessons was copied into the timetable they would probably ensure the student was ready.
I am sure the Driving Instructors are all aware of this fact.

spirit20 · 07/04/2025 11:12

Do you expect the driving instructor to make your son's breakfast too?

wellwhatdidkatydo · 07/04/2025 11:12

I had lessons 45years ago, and even before mobile phones they never got out of the car! (Presumably in my case because the driving instructor wore his slippers the whole time) I was always eager and literally hovering by the front door.

Doolallies · 07/04/2025 11:12

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:21

It's his 3rd lesson. His first one, the instructor was 10 minutes late. He was ready & waiting as he was for his second.

I just don't see the harm in ringing a doorbell.

It’s not how it works. The instructor waits outside and you hop in for your lesson

Starseeking · 07/04/2025 11:10

Your DS should have been ready and waiting by the window at the right time to see the instructor pull up. If your DS wasn’t awake, he wasn’t ready.

If your DS is old enough to be having driving lessons, he’s old enough to be getting himself out of bed on time, not continuing snoring away and expecting Mummy and Daddy to prod him from his slumber!

Don’t blame the instructor for the missed lesson, this is 100% your DS’s fault and YABU.

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 11:06

Everyone is assuming a DI can park directly outside the house so he can get out of the car and just walk up the garden path to the front door to ring the bell

Lowkey28 · 07/04/2025 11:04

Driving instructors wait in the car outside

common practice

Miaowzabella · 07/04/2025 11:03

I am not a 'morning person'; certain aspects of life are more difficult for me than for those who are, but it's my problem to deal with. I would never rely on anyone else to wake me up or expect them to wait for me if I did not show up on time for an appointment. And yes, the key to getting up on time is to go to bed at a sensible hour.

JandamiHash · 07/04/2025 11:03

I’ve put YABU because your DS should have been up, but I HATE IT when people text “I’m outside”. So lazy and unfriendly. I often text back “That’s nice, come to the door then” 😂 why are people afraid to get out their cars?

Or even worse the text says “Outside” - rude!

DaisyChain505 · 07/04/2025 11:03

I suggest you take a step back from doing things for your DS because you’re setting him up to fail.

If he’s old enough to be doing driving lessons he’s old enough to set his own alarm or multiple if needed. You shouldn’t be thinking that you should have to wake him.

He needs to take responsibility for his own life and admin and realise that it’s not ok to mess people around like this.

Obvnotthegolden · 07/04/2025 11:03

Even if he did ring the doorbell, what difference would it have made?
Your ds needed to do the bare minimum to get up -sprung out of bed, gone to the loo, brushed his teeth, had a drink of water, got changed- let alone wake up enough to drive a car, what, all while the DI waited in the car?

BlondiePortz · 07/04/2025 11:01

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:21

It's his 3rd lesson. His first one, the instructor was 10 minutes late. He was ready & waiting as he was for his second.

I just don't see the harm in ringing a doorbell.

So does he not know how to set an alarm?

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 11:01

LlynTegid · 07/04/2025 10:47

I am with the driving instructor on this one.

Yeah, but some people just look to blame others, rather than their own offspring.

AngelicKaty · 07/04/2025 10:59

ScrewedByFunding · 07/04/2025 09:17

What and then the instructor just wants around whilst he gets up and ready?

You're cross at rhe wrong person and this will do your DS no favours.

"What and then the instructor just wants around whilst he gets up and ready?" Quite. More likely the poor instructor will have to share his car with an unwashed youngster - no thanks!

MyDeftDuck · 07/04/2025 10:56

But if DS was still in bed anyway that would mean he would be nowhere near ready to have a lesson - not washed/shaved/teeth cleaned/had breakfast - being in charge of a motor vehicle takes concentration and commitment - your DS lacks both.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 07/04/2025 10:55

Coffeeishot · 07/04/2025 10:50

So you did say you wanted him to tell him off/give him a chance ? That is exactly what you meant. The DI text the boy wasn't up no curtesy knock required, if you have an an appointment you get yourself organised for it, regardless of being 17 no wonder people say "teenagers these days". Because of adults wanting to constantly coddle amd excuse them.

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Trust me, that's not a telling off