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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think hygiene is important during intimate moments?

160 replies

BluntLilacGuide · 07/04/2025 00:57

Is it unreasonable to ask your partner to wash their hands before being intimate, especially if it involves touching sensitive areas? I feel like this is just basic hygiene but I’ve heard others say it kills the mood or is unnecessary. What are your thoughts on this? Is it something you bring up or do you just assume it’s handled without mentioning it?

OP posts:
Sadcafe · 07/04/2025 09:26

Seeing as though the extremely rare event only occurs at bedtime these days, we would have been to the loo, washed hands brushed teeth anyway, back in the day of spontaneity at any time, the sex definitely took priority

SwanFlight · 07/04/2025 09:24

Always shower first.

bostonchamps · 07/04/2025 09:23

@ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself I'm sitting in a very quiet airport lounge and I just snorted very loudly at your comment, and now everyone is looking at me.

Astrabees · 07/04/2025 09:22

I can imagine nothing worse than obsessing about hygiene in relation to sex. Spontaneity is very important to me and if the mood is right I’m not going to give a thought as to when we last bathed or what we have been doing. DH used to get quite turned on when I’d been out riding and was sweaty and smelled of horse. (No horse now). Cleanliness is a total obsession on Mumsnet.

Imsodepressediactlikeitsmybirthday · 07/04/2025 09:22

I wouldn’t have sex with a stinky person, ew. A quick shower doesn’t kill the mood, not for us anyway. A sweaty body that isn’t exactly fresh… now that’s a mood killer!

SingtotheCat · 07/04/2025 09:19

Maitri108 · 07/04/2025 01:24

I keep a box of latex gloves by the bed for exactly this issue.

I have special tongs for DH’s knob.

BountifulPantry · 07/04/2025 09:08

If there was a medical issue like recurrent UTIs then yes.

Normally it wouldn’t occur to me… maybe I’m just a bit gross haha.

Whatayear2023 · 07/04/2025 09:06

The crustiness just adds to the flavour

GroovyChick87 · 07/04/2025 08:47

Husband and I are hygienic people anyway so I've never really thought about it. We usually have sex of a night when we've both bathed anyway but we wouldn't shower specifically for sex unless for someone reason we were less than fresh but I wouldn't go to bed like that anyway, sex or no sex. I think if you're demanding he wash his hands before he touches you, that's a mood killer, yes.

Dreamhaus · 07/04/2025 08:43

Dh is generally hygenic so it wouldn't cross my mind at the time as I'm content subconsciously I suppose that he'd have showered that day anyway, washed his hands when needed etc. My ex was pretty gross hygiene wise though and yes, would be really grossed out if he didn't wash just before (it didn't last long funny enough).

itbemay1 · 07/04/2025 08:42

Boredofbeinganadult · 07/04/2025 01:11

I would expect a shower before anything like that happened but that’s just me

Me too!

SemperIdem · 07/04/2025 08:41

If it’s your preference then that’s fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

Imbusytodaysorry · 07/04/2025 08:03

hockityponktas · 07/04/2025 07:58

Bovril?! Surely Horlicks or ovaltine is more appropriate for bed time? I dunno, bovril seem a bit lower class?

Show quote history

I agree I stand corrected !

Zanatdy · 07/04/2025 08:01

Mood killer for sure in a spontaneous moment.

TourangaLeila · 07/04/2025 08:00

Tbrh · 07/04/2025 02:35

Mood killer. What is he touching that is "less hygenic" than what he's about to touch?!

It's not just about hygeine. I, personally am very susceptible to thrush. After a really bad bout I explained to my husband that I need him to wash his hands, bits and brush his teeth before all sexual activity. This lessens the bacterial transfer and reduces the likely hood of a bout of thrush.

He loves me and so he does. Doesn't ruin the moment. If anything it improves it as I know I'm unlikely to be extremely uncomfortable for a week + after each event.

He also has hobbies that involve a lot of dust/gruck/microplastics and I don't want that in my vagina. Ta.

CatchingConnie · 07/04/2025 07:59

If in bed at night, we would both have likely recently washed. At all other times, it's unlikely it would occur to either of us.

hockityponktas · 07/04/2025 07:58

Imbusytodaysorry · 07/04/2025 07:44

And assuming sex is always at bed time .
lovely routine going on shower ,bed, sex, bovril then 8 hours sleep .

Show quote history

Bovril?! Surely Horlicks or ovaltine is more appropriate for bed time? I dunno, bovril seem a bit lower class?

Sunflowerhoneybee · 07/04/2025 07:53

I'll only do the deed after he's showered.....I don't want another painful UTI.

Health47 · 07/04/2025 07:52

Can tell most of the people on here don’t suffer with a recurrent uti 🙈

Snapncrackle · 07/04/2025 07:47

Maitri108 · 07/04/2025 01:24

I keep a box of latex gloves by the bed for exactly this issue.

i keep a “ Penis Beaker “ at the side of the bed 😂

Tbrh · 07/04/2025 07:45

I think if I thought someone was so grubby they needed a wash I wouldn't be having sex with them anyway 🤔

Imbusytodaysorry · 07/04/2025 07:44

ExtraOnions · 07/04/2025 07:22

Ah .. the famous MN “sex wash” - no spontaneity allowed, and definitely nothing if the sheets have just been changed (as according to MN, you should be changing them immediately afterwards as well)

And assuming sex is always at bed time .
lovely routine going on shower ,bed, sex, bovril then 8 hours sleep .

almostbloody50 · 07/04/2025 07:44

ExtraOnions · 07/04/2025 07:22

Ah .. the famous MN “sex wash” - no spontaneity allowed, and definitely nothing if the sheets have just been changed (as according to MN, you should be changing them immediately afterwards as well)

I recall a whole thread once about laying down a towel for sex as well.

OP I think everyone is different, we have showers we wash hands during the day so if there was a mid afternoon session I’d just assume we were both fairly clean anyhow.

Wisenotboring · 07/04/2025 07:39

Generally intimacy happens at bedtime so we have just washed and brushed our teeth. I wouldn't insist he gets up to wash. Tbh it would kill the mood a bit. Other scenarios are less common, but obviously would happen in a moment of spontaneity! Likewise it's highly unlikely we would break off to wash. I would caveat by saying that if either of us was a bit gruby or had bad breath we probably wouldn't get to the point of wanting sex. Likewise, things might be different if my husband had been doing something very messy...that just hasn't ever been a problem though. Are we gross sex people?

bettydavieseyes · 07/04/2025 07:36

I would expect my very clean partner to wash her hands only if she thought they were dirty. We both prefer to shower before sex although it wouldn't stop us if we hadn't and got caught up in a moment. She often says she's dirty because she hasn't showered and yet she's never smelt or tasted dirty to me. I bath or shower every morning and again at night before bed, which is probably too often to most people but if I was single I wouldn't do the night one, so it's definitely important to me to be clean for possible sex. Hand washing wouldn't occur to me, it sounds a bit anxious. Is your partner normally a clean person who washes their hands after the toilet or eating etc?