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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think hygiene is important during intimate moments?

160 replies

BluntLilacGuide · 07/04/2025 00:57

Is it unreasonable to ask your partner to wash their hands before being intimate, especially if it involves touching sensitive areas? I feel like this is just basic hygiene but I’ve heard others say it kills the mood or is unnecessary. What are your thoughts on this? Is it something you bring up or do you just assume it’s handled without mentioning it?

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 07/04/2025 12:26

Yes, if they've been preparing chillies.

YourCraftyGreyOP · 07/04/2025 12:21

I do because I suffer from frequent UTI’s.

PoppyBaxter · 07/04/2025 12:19

Sherry1978 · 07/04/2025 10:53

🤢🤢🤢

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Some of the things we've done to eachother, his hands are the least of my worries!

CrystalSingerFan · 07/04/2025 12:03

Catsandcannedbeans · 07/04/2025 02:24

Not unless he’s been doing something icky like out in the garden or working on the car… or if he’s been in the kitchen chopping chillies… then I would make him wash his hands.

Chillies! That's something you only get wrong once...

CrystalSingerFan · 07/04/2025 11:58

SingtotheCat · 07/04/2025 09:19

I have special tongs for DH’s knob.

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It's not penis beaker, but good try. 😀

Burngreave · 07/04/2025 11:41

It depends. If he’d just done an oil change or washing out the wheelie bins, yeah, he should wash his hands. Otherwise, it’s not something on my radar.

If this is a big issue for you, have you considered putting a sink in the bedroom. Yeah, it’s got “old people’s home” vibes but would save time.

Doseofreality · 07/04/2025 11:34

Unless they’ve smeared their fingers in Vicks Vapour Rub before giving you a good fingering, it really shouldn’t be a problem.

Soone · 07/04/2025 11:28

Couldn’t be bothered to shower that many times in a day.

Optimist2020 · 07/04/2025 11:24

My partner and I always shower before sex and brush our teeth. I don’t care about being spontaneous or killing the mood. Nothing worse than performing oral sex on someone who has been to the toilet multiple times throughout the day and sweaty . Yuck

SunsetCocktails · 07/04/2025 11:22

TerrifiedPassenger · 07/04/2025 01:59

Amateur.

I have leather welding gauntlets and mask just in case of any unmentionables.

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You’re both amateurs. I have full hazmat suits. For both of us.

Galatine · 07/04/2025 11:18

TerrifiedPassenger · 07/04/2025 01:59

Amateur.

I have leather welding gauntlets and mask just in case of any unmentionables.

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Penis beaker anyone😁

Glitchymn1 · 07/04/2025 11:12

Showered and teeth brushed before anything like that goes on.
Are you only interested in clean hands? What about clean everything else… shudders.

MyBirthdayMonth · 07/04/2025 11:09

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 07/04/2025 06:49

I always, always brush teeth and shower before sex. I ask partners to at least wash their hands.

I had a time of getting BV and it completely stopped when I started ensuring that hands were clean and nails were short and tidy. Perhaps I have a sensitive vagina, but after hearing some convos between men about their hygiene habits, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

As for me, I can't relax fully unless I feel confident and I don't feel confident unless I know I smell lovely.

There's no wrong way to be! Intimacy is a privilege and should be adapted to be considerate of your partner. Asking someone to wash their hands is hardly a huge deal. 2 mins at a sink and then he gets to enjoy your body and connection.

The fact he grumbles about that is really weird to me. I've never had any comments at all about my requests or habits. Usually men are just thrilled sex is on the table.

I don't think sex on the table is very hygienic.

Youbutterbelieve · 07/04/2025 11:08

Nope. We just get down to it.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 07/04/2025 10:55

Boredofbeinganadult · 07/04/2025 01:11

I would expect a shower before anything like that happened but that’s just me

Not just you.

Handwashing and brushing teeth is absolutely the minimum.

Sherry1978 · 07/04/2025 10:53

PoppyBaxter · 07/04/2025 06:42

It wouldn't cross my mind, and I can say with absolute certainty that DH would likely not have washed his hands! I couldn't care less.

🤢🤢🤢

Moveoverdarlin · 07/04/2025 10:35

Sensitive areas? Do you mean your fanny? And bum holey?

LOL, no I wouldn’t.

Tbrh · 07/04/2025 10:33

TourangaLeila · 07/04/2025 08:00

It's not just about hygeine. I, personally am very susceptible to thrush. After a really bad bout I explained to my husband that I need him to wash his hands, bits and brush his teeth before all sexual activity. This lessens the bacterial transfer and reduces the likely hood of a bout of thrush.

He loves me and so he does. Doesn't ruin the moment. If anything it improves it as I know I'm unlikely to be extremely uncomfortable for a week + after each event.

He also has hobbies that involve a lot of dust/gruck/microplastics and I don't want that in my vagina. Ta.

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That's fair enough if you're susceptible to something like thrush or a UTI

UndermyShoeJoe · 07/04/2025 10:18

I mean we talking a quick bit of fun on the sofa or what. Because in bed we would of just showered but some fun on the sofa I’m not going to go upstairs to come back down for a rub and pump 🤣

Bits and bobs are always washed after a pee anyway.

Don’t have any dogs to lick hands ewww gross anyway. No smoking. Like obviously if he was covered in mud from the garden I’d me like sorry nah but he doesn’t tend to get filthy then want to jump on me 😅

ItGhoul · 07/04/2025 10:11

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/04/2025 03:41

We always shower before because we have oral sex.

Most men I’ve had relationships with have actively preferred me not to shower directly before oral sex.

sweetpickle2 · 07/04/2025 10:10

I couldn't be arsed with showering specifically to have sex, feels like it would kill the mood and spontaneity a bit. Don't you get sweaty when you're having sex anyway?!

If either one of us had just been handling something particularly disgusting or chopping something spicy etc I'd maybe ask to wash hands.

ItGhoul · 07/04/2025 10:06

Astrabees · 07/04/2025 09:22

I can imagine nothing worse than obsessing about hygiene in relation to sex. Spontaneity is very important to me and if the mood is right I’m not going to give a thought as to when we last bathed or what we have been doing. DH used to get quite turned on when I’d been out riding and was sweaty and smelled of horse. (No horse now). Cleanliness is a total obsession on Mumsnet.

When I was much younger, I’d been to a gig with friends and my (then) boyfriend came to pick me up afterwards. I’d essentially been dancing in a mosh pit in a boiling hot venue for two hours and I was drenched in sweat, hair wet with it, clothes damp, eye makeup running, the lot. This was also before the indoor smoking ban, so I would have smelled of cigarette smoke as well. He was massively turned on by the sweatiness and basically pounced on me the moment we got into his flat.

ItGhoul · 07/04/2025 09:58

Each to their own. But a man expected us to scrub up before sex I’d find that a massive turn-off. Everyone’s different but for me, squeamishness is unsexy. I really don’t care if my partner has washed his hands or had a shower or whatever and I wouldn’t want a sexual partner who insisted that I did.

If this sort of thing is important to you, for psychological or physical reasons (I appreciate that some people are prone to UTIs etc and need to be careful for that reason) you’re entitled to ask for it, though. Nobody should be doing anything in bed that they’re not happy with, so if you’re not happy being touched by someone who hasn’t washed their hands immediately prior, that’s a boundary you can have.

Equally, your partner is entitled to find that preference to be a bit of a passion-killer.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 07/04/2025 09:53

It was only an issue for me if we had sex or snogged in the morning as I'd ask my partner at the time to clean teeth first (as would i). Morning breath is horrible and a real turn off.

Everything else never bothered me.

Cucy · 07/04/2025 09:35

It wouldn’t cross my mind to ask.
If you get randomly caught up in the moment then I wouldn’t even be thinking about it.

But then I guess it depends how dirty your partner is and what their job is etc.

If you are worried then stick to having sex at bedtime/in the morning.
As you’d have both had a shower and brushed teeth.