To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

The most important people in your life shouldn't be a bunch of arseholes. The fact you share DNA doesn't come into it. These people were barely in their lives until they decided to all basically move into and leech off OPs new home. Cutting them out is barely any loss, other than the loss of the illusion that his family GAF about him, which will admittedly be a bitter pill for DH to swallow.

OP make sure she pays a hefty rate for livery for the horse too, not just rent for herself, if she comes at all (I'd refuse point blank, it's the thin end of a huge disastrous wedge). You need more land than you think for horses. She won't GAF about trashing your land because it isn't hers, she's not going to limit turnout to prevent that, she'll turn out at a timescale that's most convenient for her. Her horse(s) taking up space will mean you'll be limiting turnout for your own horse(s) in order not to trash the fields you're using, so needing more hay and bedding and having more work to do. The fee for her horse needs to take into account the land getting trashed and needing extensive expensive repair work once she's gone, the extra workload from your own horse(s) being stabled more and the extra costs you'll face resulting from that. On top of that she obviously needs to pay all her own hay/feed/bedding/ farrier/vet/equipment etc. She won't be expecting this, she's thinking she can bring her horse for free and save some cash. Instead you'll realistically need to charge way more than the usual rate for DIY livery in order not to be out of pocket at the end of all this. Without a job, she'll struggle to pay, UC isn't that much money and IDK if she'll even be eligible if she's voluntarily quit her job.

There is NO WAY I would be letting that happen, not in a million years. You're mad if you do. It has disaster written all over it in luminous ink!

If any tradies have been booked to come in and bow to sils whims you can cancel them now op. Doesn’t matter if dh booked them, if you say you aren’t doing the work and won’t be paying then they will run a mile.

Not even that! Nobody there is going to be shagging her.

You may as well have ten tons of rows OP. The alternative is divorce anyway. So you may as well thrash it out until either he sees sense or you divorce.

Static caravan would need planning consent. If she's moving a horse in that's less land for your own horses. If she's wanting fields and fences this isn't temporary for s few weeks, she's planning on moving in permanently. Utter piss-taking cow.

PIL need to fuck off. They're using you. One weekend per season is more than enough, especially considering they're not coming to see you all, they're coming for a holiday and using your home as a free hotel. They'll be wanting to move in next.

If DH won't see sense, divorce, take your half of things and start over. Don't let them move in though, you'll have issues of them refusing to leave and sabotaging sale of property etc. Sad if it comes to that but you'll only be back to square one, minus a man that doesn't have your back and his awful family baggage gone from your life.

Have as many rows with all of them as you need to keep them all away. Now isn't the time for being polite, your marriage and everything you've worked for is at stake.

Omg, I would grab your suitcases and start packing.

She's moving in permanently.

You need to get it all nailed down before she arrives. Otherwise she'll turn it into a "Oh, I thought everything was for free? And you were helping me out blah, blah".

If she doesn't like the terms offered then she can always decline to move.

Set a time limit or she will never leave.

Also make it clear she has to pay for her own horse otherwise you will be on the hook for everything including vet fees

Seriously what is she planning on living off income wise? If she is coming I'd draw up a six month tenancy with a charge for rent towards utilities, she pays for her own food, she pays for her own horse. If family are visiting they can only come 1 weekend a month. And no dog!

You tell her the six month is to get established in the area, but she must be actively seeking alternative accommodation and a job. She will not be able to continue living at yours past that point.

At this point I would either back out or set some very girm ground rules.

How much is she paying towards bills?
Is she planning on running a horse business from your property ? (Do not let this happen)
What is the max amount of time your willing to let her live with you?
Will she be doing her own cleaning, washing etc
Say no to the dog - this will make it harder for her ro love out!
In laws - tell them we love seeing you but we can't do every weekend!

The more I think about this the more I would just say no and if DH was insistent I would start divorce proceedings as I would not want my dream home and life ruined by this

A lot of the responses here read like they never had a family, or find it easy to cut off the most important people in their lives

If she is not independent, then you just got yourself an extra child at home! You will be doing the cooking and expected to clean her underwear too!! I don’t understand why you are not putting your foot down and speaking to her directly and asking her, what’s your plan? what type of rental she is looking for (a shared accommodation, flat..) How long she is planning on staying?
When it comes to the in-laws, when they make it known they are coming over, tell them you have plans! especially on Sundays..
but honestly, if you guys don’t regain the control and put boundaries in place, this is heading towards a disaster!

You don't need your husband's consent or permission to make your own boundaries. It's your house too, and if you don't want her there (and believe me, this will not end well), then you need to put your foot down now and stop it.
Yes, they'll all hate you, but they're users and you know it.
Your marriage will not survive the constant encroachment by your in-laws - best get it sorted now.

@Sp3849Why are you waiting for your DH to change his mind? Why does you not wanting it, matter at all???

If you allow SIL to move in, that will pretty much guarantee the end of your marriage

Doesn't matter

You say no. And say it now

I don't get it - if his sister was living at home when she had a job, why has she chosen the time of losing her job to move out? Unless she knows she now needs more support than her parents can offer and intends to get that support for free from her far too nice, rich brother?!...

Hard to say no once these things start though, isn't it. I'd want to set a strict time limit but no idea how you'd enforce that. Otherwise, if you can easily afford it, maybe buy a caravan yourself, put in on your land and charge her a small amount of rent to live in it?

This has shit show written all over it.
It reads like she is moving in permanently.

At the very least you need to put a hold on this until you have some sort of time scale.

They are massively taking the piss.

If she moves in you’ll never get her out. She has no job so will you be funding all her food and expenses? Her horse? Her dog? This is insane. Is she paying nothing whatsoever? You need to put a stop to this. They’re redecorating your house for her??? This is actual madness.

No way would i be letting the sister move in after reading that.

Oh goodness, I feel suffocated reading all of that. I think you just need to outright say to your DH that it's not happening. It has snowballed so hard it's now an avalanche and this is now too much. Tell him you feel used by his family and this is now ruining your dream home that you've both worked so hard for. Tell him that's it. I'd even tell him that you'd be happy to be the 'bad guy' to tell them yourself it's not happening, if that helps him at all.

But whatever happens, this CANNOT happen.

Wow I couldn't cope with all that. Im exhausted just reading it. This has disaster written all over it. I would use the dog as the excuse for this not happening

He can come back after two weeks and you can set some family rules together.

Wow this is a problem. What can you handle? Her staying for a month? not at all? No visitors on a Sunday or at all every second week during this month , she can go back to her parents if she wants to see them?

Then I’d take the dc and leave and say tell me when you’ve told them, next weekend the lawyers come in.

actualy, perhaps tell him to leave and you tell the in laws you’ve separated at least temporarily, sil wont be able to live here, obviously all requests are on hold.

Oh and today we were told she is also bringing her dog so the whole thing is just escalating.

If she has a dog, then surely this wasn't a massive surprise!?