To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

Sounds like your sister is getting her dream home/life without paying. Not a chance she will move out once her feet are under the table - if there wasn't really a relationship with them all before I wouldn't worry about causing offence by saying its not happening. Remember its you and your child's home too so not just up to your partner.

OP, this has disaster written all over it. Quite apart from a non-working sister in law (how, pray, is she to finance her horse??), your house will be no longer your own, because even when you say to your DH, “We’ll have a quiet weekend this week”, she’ll invite round your in-laws who are her parents, and see nothing wrong in doing so. What exactly is the situation to be regarding other guests? Are you happy to have randomers coming and going in your own home because she’s decided to invite them? As others have said, it’ll be infinitely harder to get her out once she’s moved in, and the dog would be the last straw - she’s bringing the family dog because the family are intending to get their feet well and truly under the table. Don’t do it - it will be the end of your marriage if you do.

You REALLY need to nip this in the bud.
If she moves in, you will be snookered and won’t ever get your home back.
Family meeting required. Change of plans. It’s NOT happening as it will disrupt family life too much and challenge your marriage.

Horses? Fences? Dog? Redecorating your spare bedroom?

They’re full on making it their house too and if I’m 100% sure you’ll be expected to also cook and clean after her.

Good luck, OP. This is divorce worthy if it keeps going.

I know you feel trapped or your husband feels he is too committed to back out but untill she actually moves in, it is not too late.

Reading your updates especially how she is still cooked for, the codependency, it will be the worse thing for you, DH and your child’s life to let her move in.

His sister is the golden child which means for your DH family, he only exists to ensure her golden life.

It seems scary and will take a lot from you but life with the sister living in your house is scarier. You need to make this your hill to die on or you might as well just burst your daughter’s dream and you both sell the house, go your separate ways without all the angst and strife that will preceed it, if the sister moves in.

I think it’s a mistake to let sister in law stay at all, but I’d she does rules include: she has a month before rent is due whether she’s working or not. If she buys another horse she is out. That day.

no, don’t, it’s just going to be shit. You’ll be cooking for her and doing her dishes! You’ll either be miserable for a year and then either blow up with your dh totally or divorce. Or you can blow up now stand your ground and work it out or divorce. I’d rather take the option that doesn’t make you miserable in your own house for an extended period of time. ‘Sorry, if she can’t get a caravan she can’t move, we didn’t plan this as a group home.’

You need to sit down with DH, discuss in detail what you are prepared to do for the sister, for how long and your expectations of her contribution towards her costs. Then get them all together and tell them that you appreciate their excitement over the new house and its location but it is YOUR home first and foremost and they are taking over and interfering to an unwelcome and inappropriate degree, not to mention spending money that isn't theirs. Sister cannot move in to the house long term, that was never agreed on. What are her plans? This is what we can do, these are the time limits and these are our expectations of you. (Being horsey perhaps she can find work in the area and learn to stand on her own two feet.) Your DH may have had waffly discussions with them which you aren't aware of, and which have led them to believe all this is fine with you both.

Your DH might be scared of losing them again but he cannot allow you both to be used and abused in this way by people who frankly are only in it for themselves.

And now the in-laws' dog is coming, too! 😂 Sorry to laugh, I know it's not funny, but it does sound a bit like a comedy sketch to an outsider. I'm imagining them turning up with a row of ducks and a trombone, too!

My friend is going away for a few months so she's just leased her flat to a friend of hers. He's brought a piano and 400 books! 😂

God, people are really lacking in self-awareness. Your ILs might just be excited about the new set-up and their enthusiasm for making the three-hour trip might tone down, but the SIL's demands all sound rather 😱 Especially as she doesn't work. Yikes. That is really worrying. I think your husband should walk back his offer to her. While this will create huge ructions, there will be ructions anyway when you have to chuck her out, so what's the difference. Except you won't have to put up with her in your house for ages in the meantime.

I would give your DH an ultimatum here.

I would say firmly that no. His sister is not moving in. That he has until the end of the day to tell the family that, and if he doesn’t, then you will.

I wouldn’t be threatening divorce over this yet, I would be making him take action, and if not I’d be prepared to do so myself. And no, I wouldn’t give a shit about being the bad guy.

Work out your boundaries and get DH to put it in place. Tell them now that next weekend you're busy so no visitors. He needs to tell the sister that she needs a job before she moves in, as otherwise if she can't find one she will need to stay at home as she won't be able to afford the caravan.
If she gets a job I would allow her to stay whilst saving for the caravan, but visits from the family need to be to her if you're busy.
Get him to explain that he isn't having enough time with the DC and you, don't let him fob it off on you or it will damage relations and make the whole thing unmanageable.
Then from now on when you see them, get DH to arrange the next visit. So eg "we're busy the next 2 weekends but do you want to come down on date". If they just turn up then he needs to have a serious conversation about not doing it again and sticking to arranged dates.

I think Jaessa must be one of the in laws 😁

The OP has posted for advice and opinions. Of course I'm happy to give advice based on my own opinion of what's happening 🤷.

I take an OPs posts at face value. I assume they're telling the truth of what they see happening around them. I've also met plenty of CFs and know how their minds work generally. I'm confident that I understand what's going on based on what OP has said. So I advised accordingly, and in line with my own beliefs.

I don't believe family should get any kind of free pass for shitty behaviour. I will always tell someone to remove themselves from a dysfunctional relationship because I know the harm dysfunctional relationships cause. In this case it's the in-laws who are dysfunctional. But if OPs DH sides with them over her, despite their totally unreasonable behaviour, then it's her marriage that's dysfunctional too.

If you find any of that surprising, ok 🤷, you feel and think whatever you feel and think.

This is batshit. They're destroying your family life.

Just say no
Grow a spine, say no

I mean come on, wtf

One thing nobody has mentioned yet is what if the sister gets into the habit of having friends round, taking up the communal areas? Or a partner who stays over a lot? This is yet another reason why this could be a disaster.
My thinking is that, if the parents and sister were happy with so little contact and showed so little interest before the move, they have no right to expect so much from the OP and her DH now. I realise they probably can’t put it quite that bluntly but “FAMERLEE!” cuts both ways!

Bloody hell

its not too late to say no

its never too late to say no

I feel claustrophobic, anxious etc just thinking about it

you have to tell her no

it’s your bloody house and she’s running rings around you because of the free land she has access to for her horse etc

Oh gosh, sounds very stressful for you. Absolutely taking the mick so they are, and your husband has let them.
I think it's sad he wants his parents to be interested and has let his own family resources (money, home, land, time) be so easily used for the sister and these long visits from parents. His own family seems to matter very little. He has put his sister and parents first.

Yes this is a DH problem.

Im guessing it's a big/fancy property and they're treating you like you have both won the lottery. Using you both for their own personal gain, and DH has let them.

I'm sorry your going through this. It sounds insane and very stressful for you.

DH is going to have to choose, put his own family relationship at risk or put his parents/sister relationship at risk? What's more important to him? Yes it's not fair they have made things difficult, I get that, but because of their actions he now needs to choose.

Oh dear, SiL has always been looked after by her parents and their idea of her gaining her independence is that she lives with you ...... Forever ......

You need to mind the dog op. It is totally irrelevant if you adore the dog- you still need to say No Dog. no one is moving in with us. We are not renovating our barn to your specs. No more decorating OUR house. No visitors at all this weekend, NOONE. we had no idea you loved us so much, perhaps we should move back to <original village>

Oh, see the problem is that you moved onto a property that can house horses when you have a relative with horses. Which naturally means that she’ll want to take advantage of you to get free accommodation for her horse. I’ve dealt with this. The answer is no horses other than your own on the property.

If you let her bring hers she’ll never take it away again, just so you know. There will be excuse after excuse about why it has to stay. And she’ll get at least one more, or several more if she can afford it. Your husband being a pushover has given her the green light and she’s already started with the demands to change/upgrade the facilities.

Can I remind you what the op said about these important people in their lives

When we lived in the same town as them for 15 years we only saw or spoke to them if we visited which was a few times a year. They never called to ask about our kids. They had no interest at all. No birthday wishes no visit at Christmas nothing from them at all. Never even phoned to see how they were. Once we moved to Thier favourite place to holiday they started to visit us. @Sp3849

These people have only started being involved in the op and her DH lives because they saw what they could get out of them for themselves.

You have to stop saying you're not worried about or don't really mind too much with each escalation!
The dog is a massive escalation and yes it's bad they didn't ask but even if they did, the answer should be a resounding no.

They obviously see you both as a soft touch.

They are users, that's all it is. It's not about having a relationship but all about how they can benefit from your property.

The sooner your DH sees this the better.

I would divorce before I let this happen. Them only visiting because they like the area would be enough CF behaviour but moving in?!!
You will be supporting her for years to come. And they all outnumber you so you getting your way in your own home will be unlikely especially as your DH sounds like such a wet lettuce.

The dog is moving too so that everyone can keep spending all their time at / near yours without upsetting it by travelling often- it’s for convenience.

I am thinking you’ve moved somewhere pretty? Fields or natural lands / beaches nearby. The selfish in laws want some of the luxury now.

be careful it sounds like SIL will be expectIng you and DH to continue paying for her lifestyle- you need to see this will be like having a third kid.

once she’s in you have no way of making her leave without a big fall out by the sounds of it. Ask for ££ for rent/ bills/ food before she moves in to cover costs- or her parents can pay- Charge the going rate. Money at the start of the month then when she can’t afford it you have a reason to kick her out.

think of it like this. You have worked your asses off for years to provide for your kids and in laws. While you continue to work your ass off, they’re enjoying dossing in your home, treating it as a holiday rental.

im guessing they’ve always walked over DH?

I see a strong conviction in your words, but I guess neither of us are there to know the full extend of the story. I'm surprised you can go tell a stranger what to do with their family this easily.