To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

@Sp3849 late to the party! where was he horse staying before all this was decided?? I think this has been planned behind your back by your husband! this was not just decided when you bought the ground to enable your daughter to have her own pony! you are really going to have to put your foot down!! this is going too far! cant believe sil is demanding this and that for her horse! Actually, I can, knowing how horse owners think!! next thing you know, she will be claiming for an injury the hhorse has received in a field after tripping over a big boulder which you should have removed! check your insurance for her horse fielding!

I feel for you OP. I would never have agreed to let her stay unless there was a clear plan with an end to it. It feels like you both have been bulldozed. You are going to be so stressed.

I kept my mouth shut with my in-laws for years for DH but it came to a head eventually. We are no contact now and ex Sil has painted us as the bad guys but I don’t care. We aren’t living under a cloud anymore and it makes a mental, physical and financial difference. I knew it was hard for DH and have offered many times to be the bad guy and let him say it’s all me but he refused to do that.

No! Dont do any of this.
TELL THEM NO! Do not let her move in.

You need to ask how she is going to pay for her food and lodging. Will her parent be paying for it?

Draw up a lodging agreement - making expectations very clear.

Don’t let her move in. She’s 30. She shouldn’t have handed in her notice and plan to move if she didn’t have another job. Tell her to stay at her parents’ house. I would threaten to divorce if my husband was as spineless as yours. He needs to say no to his sister moving in. If she moves in then you leave and hand him the divorce papers.

You are being squeezed out of your own home. Put bottom of the list of priorities, behind his sister and his parents.

This will be a turning point in your relationship no matter what the outcome. If you kick off (as you should) and put a stop to it, his parents and sister will resent it forever and so will he.

If you go along with it, your life will be miserable. Forever.

Bite the bullet. Go for what you actually want. If you don't get it, split up.

Op what are you doing? Put your foot down now and say no before it is too late. ⏰

Even letting her live in a caravan would be a mistake with this family history.
Shes sold her house -you’ve let this go too far already.

I can’t even read this….

Do not let sister move in.

Whilst this has clearly got disaster written all over it… you can buy a static very cheaply. I have 2 or 3 sets of friends who have had to live in a static in their gardens for a year or so whilst renovating - all 3 paid less that £1500…I actually stayed I one for a visit before they had to move to the garden and it was retro but perfectly fine. could she afford that or could you loan her the money (so that she isn’t in your house) might help with a sense of independence and learning to look after herself if she’s not in your actual house

Once I got past my shock reading the decorating / new fencing CFery I felt really sad. You read all the time on here of adult children whose parents have only given them crumbs, in comparison quite often to the golden child of the family. It must feel so good for your husband to be gaining their attention. But pain as it is he must come to terms with the fact that this has only come about now that there is something up on offer for them or his sister. Sadly with these types of parents it seems this is how the pattern usually goes. The attention comes when parents like this find there’s something on offer to serve THEM. And I think that’s completely heartbreaking. I wonder if your husband is on such a high (understandably) at receiving some attention and “love” that he’s basking in it after years of likely feeling wounded by their indifference towards him and his family.

My feeling is they will take all they can. From weekends at yours, a say in your house, land etc… If you think there is a sincere connection being built in the family and your family is gaining from this new found time spend together then lovely… BUT even then it must be done with strict boundaries- no to moving into the house, no to the fences or anything else (unless your or your DH actually want them). And a timeline she can stay in the caravan, although getting her to move on I think could prove a nightmare.

If you feel you are being used for your home and land and there is no new found extended family joy for your family in this connection then I’d nip the whole thing in the bud. I’d also suggest some counselling for your husband so he can unpack the inevitable hurt when they likely turn and reject him.

Maybe there’s a world this can work. Better relations, boundaried visits etc… It really depends on how willing your and your husband are to be assertive and how hard they are going to push. My feeling is that none of it will be worth it. That saying no to his DSis coming but arranging a few yearly weekend visits is the way forward.

Congratulations on all your hard work at achieving this dream for YOUR family. Enjoy every well deserved minute. If you do impart boundaries with them thry won’t like it but just remember they had no issue with boundaries in the past- not seeing you, no birthday wishes etc…

She is going to live with you forever. And expect to be cooked for and have her laundry done for her, just as she's used to.

I can't say this strongly enough. If she moves in she will never move out. You are running out of time to say no. You need to do it now, or the new life that you placed is over, and so will your marriage be.

Op while this is awful you need to take a step back from people telling you your marriage is over he has to choose etc etc. That’s not real life if you were both thinking in the first place this wouldn’t be too bad. The in laws won’t be able to continue that journey every weekend, they’re just helping set up. You and dh sit them all down and ask how long exactly will she live there? Ask (remind!) about her finding a job and say ‘we’re just wondering because obviously this can’t be a long term thing’. It does sound great very very short term if she and her niece can spend horsey time together (I used to be a horsey mad teen!). Congratulations on the house!

To be totally honest OP, it actually sound like the entire family are intending moving in with you.

First it's the sister, in a caravan.

Next it's the sister, who has now said she can't afford a caravan, so she'll move into your home.

Then it's the whole yard/fencing/stables etc that must be added/changed to suit the sister's horse.

Now it's the MIL & FIL visiting, without an invitation, for weekends whenever it suits them.

Now suddenly the 'family dog' is coming too, again without invitation.

Next, it's going to be FIL & MIL, without invitation, coming for 'long weekends' or 'holidays' with no going home date ever mentioned.....

They're moving in by stealth, just like a cocklodger ffs !

Unless you start laying down the law and saying 'NO', then be prepared to end up living in 'their house', as a bloody 'outsider' to the family.

And if your DH is happy for them to all be living together in 'family harmony', then you're fucked !

This sounds like an absolute nightmare.

There’s no possible compromise with this one - the only answer is to put a complete stop to all the madness.

This self-interested, piss-taking, enmeshed family of codependents have decided they like the look of your house and are now installing their cuckoo. If she moves in for even one night it’ll no longer be your home and you will never get her (or them) out again.

Whilst I agree you have a DH problem, he’s been conditioned since childhood to go along with anything they want, so it’s unrealistic to expect him to undo a lifetime of psychological damage in an instant and suddenly step up and oppose them.

So unfortunately it’s all on you to be the bad guy, but don’t hesitate - your back is against the wall and you need to act now.

It’s your home. You have every right to protect it from what genuinely sounds like a hostile takeover. Tell them no.

What a nightmare! Just say no and don't be the one to leave if it all goes tit's up.

She's moving in permanently,witb her menagerie. Your parents in law have seen an easy way to stop financially supporting their daughter as you will now do it....

The whole family are free loaders....

I can completely see that your OH is excited to have his neglectful family re-establish contact.

Sadly it's illusory... The moment you're not providing a free home /land for your pil to offload their daughter and funding it... Or if you suddenly decided to move elsewhere...

They'd disappear surely??

I'd want to protect my husband's emotional state by gently pointing this out. Horrid but true..
I mean what sort of people ignore their grandchildren living in the same town?? Ffs

Also to clarify... No way would I be letting this freeloader move in with menagerie...

Tell your husband that your marriage won’t survive this.

Well if she’s also moving her dog and horse in, you will never be able to get rid of her.

I bet the in-laws planned this and thought it was a good way to get rid of her themselves.

A very calm and stern NO to it all. Your husband is the unreasonable one here . His sister a grown woman needs to sort her own accommodation out . Don't be bullied into this disastrous situation.

Both you and your DH are passive passengers in your life.

You have time to put stop to it before she moves in.

The parents want the freeloading sister out and you're their escape plan. She'll never leave, honestly I'd tell your DH I'd move out if she moves in and mean it, you'll never get rid of her. Why should she enjoy the fruits of your labour. I'll bet she doesn't plan on paying rent either.