To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

So will you be expected to cook for her and do her washing or will your MIL come and do it at weekends?

Honestly, I'd tell your DH that he need to make a choice between you and his awful family. I presume that all the money your DH is spending is joint money? I can't believe that your in-laws haven't offered to pay for all the things that his sister is demanding. I know he is scared of ruining the relationship but he must know that they didn't bother with him before you bought this property?

Oh man… this is going to be really rough for you.

She thinks she is moving in, you don’t want that. All the other stuff is just confusion!

Sit her down and tell her that she can only stay for 6 months and during that time you will be charging her market rate for her and her horses. Download a rental agreement and get it signed.

Also research how you can keep the property if case of divorce.

Yup

Have you got family OP? Maybe invite them all over every weekend, or start a commune and see what your DH thinks about that

@Sp3849 doesn’t sound like the siste did planning on leaving . She lost her job not her family home. .
You have to decide whether to say it’s a caravan or nothing and agree a small time frame . ( with all the changes I doubt that will work ) she has her eye on what’s yours.

Or say now the idea isn’t going to work and that’s that .

I see why the parents are so keen @Sp3849 !!
They want you to be responsible for their dd/horse/dog so they can get their life back.

This is a disaster. The longer you let these mad plans continue the more difficult to stop it.

@Sp3849 Your dh needs to stand up as a father and husband and say no .
Id be putting a stop to the sister moving in .
Tell husband it’s your family home and the hanger one for can visit once a month when convenient .
cheeky fuckers

It's unheard of for me to tell anyone to get their DH or partner to read a thread about them. But in this case, I think it could be a good idea. He's clearly not seeing the reality of what's happening and how it could destroy your marriage and your futures.

You could tell your SIL that money has got suddenly very tight due to the economy. And that you are happy for her to stay but you need a lodger that pays full rent and signs a contract agreeing to move out within a specific period.

This makes me feels claustrophobic already particularly if your DH's family are so dysfunctional. Little things would stress me such as the washing machine being full of her stuff all the time and you having to wait to do your stuff. It's fine if you love the person and they aren't an entitled twat but it doesn't sound like either of those apply.

This was their plan all along. The minute you announced it, hence the sudden interest.

This is unbelievable. Your husband is an utter fool.

These people will take over your house and you will be pushed aside as they dominate it more and more. Why on earth are you both allowing this to happen?

This.
she will NEVER leave …, and mil will be down EVERY weekend.
tell them the deals off…

Shit, why doesn’t he just hand the whole house over to them while he’s at it!

I’m terribly sorry for your DH, to be so desperate for any attention from his family at all. But that’s something counselling can help with, not bending to outrageous CF demands from neglectful parents and entitled siblings.

His need to be acknowledged by them will cost him his marriage and his healthy relationship with his children if he’s not careful.

When his usefulness to them ends and they go back to ignoring him, what then?

SIL cannot move in, can ABSOLUTELY not bring the family dog (which is only to allow your in-laws to come to your home as often as they want without worrying about getting back to look after it) and the lot of them can stop being such users.

I'm so sorry. What a nightmare. He does need to stand up to them, of course. But can he?

Oh and your DH needs therapy .

You need to stop this. You can see full well it's a disaster waiting to explode. Your DH can't say no so you will have to. You know full well you will be expected to cook for her and pay for her food and she will never move out, ever. And then the in laws will also move in. Just stop it all.

Please say no to all of it.

The more they change in your house the harder it will be to go back. Say no to the fences, say no to the barn redesign, say no to the camper van on your land. All those things will make everyone feel invested and in too deep.

Say it doesn’t work for you or your daughter and that adult Dsis needs to be independent and get a job, and her changing the goalposts has meant you need to reconsider the plans. She can’t live there, the dog can’t live there and they need to arrange visits to your place in advance.

Actually what I think would be perfectly reasonable is that, if their children and their dog now live in your house, it would be nice if you also asked your PIL to move in too, to save them the weekly 3 hour drive. You could renovate part of your house to their specs.

OP, I think you have to help him recover this situation by actually telling him what to say to them, in order to recover and wind backwards a bit from this shit show which makes me anxious just to read it.
Give him the actual words to use. And tell him it’s non negotiable if he doesn’t want a divorce.

Tell him to tell his sister and parents, that on thinking it through more carefully and looking at the family budget this last weeknd, he now realises he has to apply the brakes a bit and he’s sorry for not realising this sooner, but until sister gets a job in the local area she can’t move away from her parents as he can’t financially support her, let alone her dog and horse and all her plans for the barn and field gates etc. He’s afraid it’s simply not doable, not at all, not in any way.

Tell him to tell her it’s his mistake for letting them all get so carried away by their excitement for her ideas and he’s sorry about that but it’s wise to now stop and think properly of the best plan going forward for everybody involved.
He has decided that when she starts her new job and she can afford the caravan in which to keep herself and her dog and her visiting parents, then that’s when she can move it and her horse into your field but her living expenses as well as the field and barn modifications must be at her cost so she will need to be sure of her own budget and to save up for them.
So all her efforts must now go towards finding the new job and paying for the winter-proof caravan in which she will live all year round and while she is doing that, he would appreciate a break for a good few weekends without any visitors at all to get things straight.

Maybe the in-laws will pay for a nicer caravan and it’s upkeep if they know they will be staying in it so tell him to make that part of the deal crystal clear.
You could tell his sister that you will look out for good jobs for her in your area and to get her new cv sorted so you can see exactly what skills she has to offer any new employer. Tell her she can stay the night if she needs to come down for interview but there’s no room for her parents sadly as you are just too busy to host them for now.

I do feel sorry for your dh, he’s obviously got some childhood trauma and is would love a loving parental relationship but this isn’t the way to get it- I think he’s probably realising that! I don’t blame you for telling him straight and it’s a shame it ended in a row, I think maybe say to him something like I don’t want to argue/ I stand by what I said that’s it’s too much etc and how do you feel what are we going to do to move forward. Sounds like he too has had enough but it being family he gravies it’s hard for him to be so clear as you. The sis sounds awful though and I’d be revoking the moving in

Would your SIL/PIL change their mind if you made them aware you weren't really that keen? Assuming your DH won't put a stop to the move happening? Most normal people would be careful not to intrude if unwanted. Or are they not interested in you, just what you can provide for them?

They haven't paid for a single thing or even offered they just expect it and he delivers.

Why?

He needs to stop putting his hands in his pocket now.

If the sister does end up moving in do nothing for her. Don't cook for her, don't do her washing.

It sounds really stressful. I let a work colleague stay for what was supposed to be a week and it dragged on and on. Until me and ex had a screaming fit about it.

You enjoy your lovely new house and get everyone out except on your terms. Your husband has to back you up on this.

That's so sad, and understandable that he sees their attention as affection. But he must face up to the fact that they are awful people who will use him ruthlessly. I hope you can support each other to make the decisions you need to make to safeguard your family and your marriage. Because I'm pretty sure the more contact you have with the in-laws, the more conflicted and fractious your own family unit will become. And they will not gaf as long as they're being allowed to freeload.
Be strong and put yourselves first.
I think your husband could probably benefit from some counselling, it sounds like he had an awful childhood.

Your update is sadder. DH is hoping his family can be a proper family and be supportive and be there for your DD as she grows up. I would fear for her and the home you created for her around these people.