To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

Put a stop to it now!!!

This sounds awful OP. The sister won’t be going anywhere.

However desperate for his family's attention, your DH has no right to be putting this kind of pressure on you. He has a wife and children to think about. And the house is yours too so no it's not a single person's decision to be moving in a freeloading sister (and essentially her parents every weekend!).
OP you need to take immediate action yourself, send a text today in the family chat telling them straight "I have been pressured over this, but actually given the circumstances I am no longer happy to have SIL here. She can remain with parents or find elsewhere, but I will not agree for her to live here, sorry. We also need some peace and quiet at the weekend as we work extremely hard and need our downtime, guests are welcome but we can't accommodate every weekend"
Then leave them to it. Your DH might kick up a fuss but this is a joint decision and there are red flags all over the place - if one of you is uncomfortable with the arrangement, it should not be going through.

No is one sentence. Please do not do it, stand your ground and change your mind now. Cheeky fuckers of the worst kind

(I meant the Fluffyholes post)

^^ I highly recommend that you don't do this. The sister clearly doesn't understand boundaries and any attempts you make at creating them will be broken for sure.

The only way to handle this is to make it stop before she sets a single foot in your house.

You will have to throw the grenade then stick to your guns when they all kick off.

We did not buy this house in order to facilitate a new life for sister. We did not buy this house so that you could all use it as a free hotel. We bought this house for US. Not you.

With any luck it will cause such an almighty fall out that you'll never have to see any of them again. Win win!

Your poor DH, left home at 17 and desperate for his family to love him. You need him to see the truth, this is ALL about his Sister, she won't pay her way, you'll be expected to look after her and because she's the golden child you'll be hosting his parents all the time, in time they'll probably try to move in too.
They ignored your family when you had nothing they wanted, even their disabled DGC didn't merit a vist, now you'll never get rid of them. This is the hill I would die on @Sp3849, they still don't love him and they will ruin your home and your marriage. He needs to find his anger and kick their free loading arses off your land

So you were happy with the SIL when you thought she was living in a tin can acres away from the home, but could teach your kid to ride and help out with horses, and drive her to shows? Yes his family are entitled, but so are you. It sounds like you are now sour you haven’t landed the unpaid groom and nanny you were expecting.

The sister is obviously moving in by stealth, originally it was a caravan on your land, now it's you spare room and she's bringing her dog!
So you've got to move it back to the original temporary arrangement before she moves in.
Make it clear what the terms are of this temporary arrangement by writing them down and her agreeing before she moves in.

1. She buys her own food.
2. She contributes £xx to her share of the bills.
3. Dog not allowed upstairs.
4. The arrangement will come to an end on X date, as you have your relatives staying in the spare room for a visit.

So you saved all these years for a dream house? Now they all get to play in it. Been there, done that. We bought a large country property and ended up with two unpaying lodgers. One family, one my husband's best friend. Every weekend we had house guests from London. We had a housekeeper and laundry room to keep up with the beds.
Your daughter will be looking forward to her new life, don't let this immature sister spoil it. She needs to be paying rent (bed and board is £400 pm for adult DC).
I'd be tempted to pick up a copy of horse and hound and see who has a caravan to sell. They almost give them away. Site it well away from you.

Your sil will be able to apply for some benefits however if she's not intending to work what is she living on?

Fwiw we could buy a large house again this year but I'm not doing that.
We are early 60s so we're going for a three bed cottage. It's our retirement and there won't be a lot of space for house guests! 😄
Family always think they're entitled, mine still do but it's my nieces and nephews now.

If SIL can’t afford a caravan how can she afford a horse. Who will be paying for the horses feed, vet bills, insurance etc.

If your DH is too chicken to stand up and say no, then you are going to have to do it.

I would put it in writing so that there can be no doubt or misunderstanding.

You write a letter, and HE signs it - or you both do, along the lines of....

Dear Parents and Sister,
After long and careful consideration, we have concluded that we cannot have sister living with us. We know this is going to be a disappointment, but it is not why we moved here and not part of our plans as a family. Sister will have to make her own alternative arrangements.
Love
People Who Are Not Mugs

Keep it really simple so that there can be no counter arguments. This is YOUR HOME not theirs.

@Sp3849 This sounds like a disaster in the making OP and I'm so glad you've made your feelings clear to your DH before your SIL has moved in (although I think you should have put your foot down much earlier - decorating the spare room would never have happened if I'd been you as it's a huge red flag that SIL does not see her stay as temporary).
I totally understand the emotional pull your DH is feeling - now that he's finally getting the attention from his parents that he's craved for so long - BUT he needs to tap into his 17-year-old self and remember why he moved out so young. Nothing about his parents has changed and they're only interested in him now because, together, you have something they want. I'm sure the emotional instability they created in their son has made him go along with these ever-changing and increasingly demanding plans and now he'll find it extremely hard to rewind on everything he's "promised" (and no doubt this emotional conflict in him is what caused the row with you).
So, I hope when you discuss it again (today?) he has come to realise how much he's been manipulated by his family, how much you and he stand to lose, and that you end up on the same page so you can move forward as a united team. Clearly, a discussion between the two of you, SIL and PsIL needs to happen now, but I think you may have to step up to be the "bad guy" with his awful family and be the one to tell them it's not happening, as I fear your DH may struggle with this.
Good luck OP. 🤗

I'm stressed out reading all this. Please OP come back and tell us you've put a stop to this.

I mean I wouldn't say that but when you put it like that, it's a shocker!!!

I would take your DH out of the equation for a minute and I’d ring your MIL. I’d ask her what the long term plan is. I’d say ‘Hi Sue, hope I’ve caught you at a good time, it’s really important I talk to you as I have real concerns about this new arrangement with Sarah moving in. I agreeed to a static caravan. She now has a bedroom in the house and is bringing her horse and YOUR dog. Currently how does Sarah pay for her own food? Do you still buy it and cook for her every night?what about the Horse food? I assume you pay for the dog I.e food, vets, etc, who is picking all this cost now because we just don’t have it!

I find it bloody laughable to be honest Sue, no one gave a shit about us before we lived here. We lived in the same town for 15 years and no one would ever visit. Now we see you all every weekend. Poor old Jack is frightened to say anything about any of this because he’s pleased you all seem to like him again, but I am concerned I’ve just inherited a 30 old child who has no means to pay her way, let alone that of her horse and dog. Jack and I have bust a gut to buy this place, we get Sundays off together and that’s it.

In your experience of caring for Sarah for the last 30 years will she do her own washing? Will she cook meals for us when we’ve been at work all day? Will she do school runs? Clean? Will she pay her fair share? How do you and Steve see this all working Sue, as I have concerns I’m going to caring for our own two children and now a horse mad woman child.

Hi OP, this is terrible. It sounds like your husband's family have seen an opportunity to have a free ride and moving the SIL, her horse and family dog in etc sounds like the in laws are potentially offloading costs onto you! I was wondering how the the SIL would pay for anything let alone a dog too! Dog food, vets bills, insurances for the horse, her own food! Your bills will go up too. Why would she ever leave if she can have all that for free.

You need to protect yourself here. A proper lodging agreement is needed if anyone moves anywhere and contract for keeping her horse/with all proper insurance's to protect yourself. It sounds like you're being pushed out of your own home that you've worked hard for.

I'd say you can't do it. You and your husband have created a lovely family life together. It's not worth letting a family who haven't cared take all that away from you both. Don't agree to it OP it sounds awful.

So what was the outcome of the conversation?

What are you going to do?

That sounds so rubbish. But whhyyyy have you let decorate the spare room!!? She’s obviously not going to leave anytime soon if she needed the place done to her taste. And fences etc really? That’s where you should have stepped in and said we don’t need xyz if you do u need it to sort it out yourself. I think you need to remind your husband all this time you’ve chosen him while they have not. Has dsil said when she intends to leave. How long is this arrangement for? Xx

Your dh sounds scared of his own family has he ever had therapy. You can see what is going on, yes it is about lifestyle and you are funding it. I would use his sister moving in as an excuse to not have the rest of the family stay they can find somewhere local. Plus they can only come once a month etc, you need rules. ASAP I would be telling his sister the rules and that it’s not your job to fund her business. I wonder if she will still come. The bigger issue is if you say no dh keeps saying yes his family are going to come between you.

If you let her move in one day soon you’ll walk into your own kitchen with mil & SIL sitting there. They’ll stop talking & stare at you. You’ll feel like an unwanted visitor in your own home that you paid for.

No discussion, debate or bargaining. Sister cannot move in & visits have to stop for the moment. You need time together as a family

She's going to stay forever. You're never going to get rid of her. Honestly, it's okay to say, you've changed your mind. I'd say that, you found it too overwhelming having her live in the house. As you were told she'd be living in a static caravan. You'd like her to go back to her parents.

Omg, noooooooooooo

I find these types of family situations really hard to understand. I can’t imagine anyone in my family being so entitled and also I wouldn’t entertain this level of intrusion. Where are your boundaries ? ( all of you!) there is no way I’d be allowing all this stomping around all over my privacy and the home we’d worked hard for! Just say no, manage visits better by standing up for yourselves and prioritising yourselves. And no. She can’t move in, disaster waiting to happen.

You and your husband should watch con mum on Netflix. This is a less extreme version.

your SIL will never leave. She has quit her job and suddenly decided she wants to live in your area so she can sponge off you. Stop paying for new fences etc and tell her you can’t afford for her to bring her horse.