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Original poster

To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

738 replies

Sp3849 · 06/04/2025 22:25

So a few months ago we bought our dream home. With a bit of land for our horse mad daughter to finally have her horse. It's been years in the making and to achieve it We had to relocate our whole lives We have both worked our guts out over the years.

However, since moving in our in laws have been making alot of effort to come visit etc. Now bearing in mind we now live 3 hours away. When we lived in the same town as them for 15 years we only saw or spoke to them if we visited which was a few times a year. They never called to ask about our kids. They had no interest at all. No birthday wishes no visit at Christmas nothing from them at all. Never even phoned to see how they were. Once we moved to Thier favourite place to holiday they started to visit us. At first I didn't care. My husband was happy his parents where making an effort and my kids had grandparents that saw them.

However a few weeks ago my husband comes home from work and says his sister who is 30 has handed in her notice and is moving down our way. She asked if she can put a static caravan on our land. I had no issue with this. We talked about how it would be nice for our daughter to have her auntie who was a horse loving riding instructor and a career in horse health and welfare to hand and how she could have company hacking together etc.

Next thing he comes home and she is moving in our house as she can't afford a caravan. I am like ok well I don't mind helping her get on her feet but it's not forever.

The last three weeks have been hell and she hasn't even moved in yet. We only have a Sunday off work together. My husband is off on saturday too. His whole family have been here every weekend all weekend. Preparing and decorating the spare room. Moving all her horse stuff down. My poor husband is run ragged as they want extra fences gates and all these things in place for her horse. They haven't paid for a single thing or even offered they just expect it and he delivers. I feel so uncomfortable in my own home. I have one day off work and I can't catch up on housework or spend time with my children. I haven't barely seen my husband as he works long hours in the week. We both eat tea and it's time for bed. Sunday has always been our day. I have told him tonight that we need boundaries. His family only want to know now because of what we have. I am happy to help his sis but there needs to be a time limit and if his mum dad and other siblings think they can come here to stay every weekend too then I will end up moving out.

I have told him how I feel we have had a very large row. Apparently I am unreasonable. I just know this is not going to end well. They have done some truly horrible things over the years to him and I feel like we are being used for our house!

OP posts:
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MuffinsOrCake · 07/04/2025 10:58

act very fast. You are that close of losing your life savings. Once they settle and claim she can register business there and all sorts.

MuffinsOrCake · 07/04/2025 10:57

I cannot understand how a man who went to a hostel at the age of 17 to flee his parental home would allow all this to be happening. These people will run down your family savings, your real estate and take over what you prepared for your own child and her needs. You got to divorce NOW i am afraid unless he chucks all fucking luggage into a van, sat her in it and drove her to her family home, calls them out and gives them one good fuck of a speech and leaves forever.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 07/04/2025 10:57

Moveoverdarlin · 07/04/2025 10:48

Ask them all to attend a family meeting. Say she can have a caravan on site and live here for free OR she can have the bedroom and pay £100 a week rent. Horse and Dog will need to be paid for by sister which ever agreement she goes for. Six month trial run starting from May 1st. Like it or lump it.

No. They've shown their true colours... the whole family will be there, constantly, mooching off OP and her husband.

Don't give them an inch ... they've already taken the proverbial mile and are dictating how the rest of it should be done up for HER.

Don't let them come/

user1492757084 · 07/04/2025 10:56

Only go forward with what is sustainable for you.
Sustainable for each of you, for your relationship and for the relationship between you and your in-laws.

I would give the sister a strict three months to find her own caravan. (which has it's own bathroom) A strict three months of living with you - stated clearly and signed on paper, before she moves in. Draw up a legally binding agreement.

The in-laws can not visit whilst sister is there. They can visit once per month only after sister has moved into her caravan - staying in the decorated guest room.

ThejoyofNC · 07/04/2025 10:54

It's ultimatum time OP and I think you know that.

SpainToday · 07/04/2025 10:53

Moveoverdarlin · 07/04/2025 10:48

Ask them all to attend a family meeting. Say she can have a caravan on site and live here for free OR she can have the bedroom and pay £100 a week rent. Horse and Dog will need to be paid for by sister which ever agreement she goes for. Six month trial run starting from May 1st. Like it or lump it.

God Good No!!! The OP doesn't want her living in the house, full stop. If you start a trial, it will never end

MuffinsOrCake · 07/04/2025 10:52

MissSookieStackhouse · 06/04/2025 22:50

If they want all these extra gates and fences for the horse and they’re redecorating a room, it sounds like she’s planning to move in permanently. No way does this sound like a short term stop gap. Is she planning to pay rent? Once she gets her feet under the table and her horse in the stable, you’ll never get rid of her. The in-laws will be down all the more to visit her. It would be a firm ‘no’ from me under these circumstances. YANBU.

Not only this. She and her business will consume all the husband's income and de facto she will be the new wife of the house. That is despicable.

rainingsnoring · 07/04/2025 10:50

arcticpandas · 07/04/2025 10:41

This is so sad @Sp3849 . I feel sorry for your DH who is longing for the parental love he never got. But this isn't it. They are using him (and you) to go on holiday and now lodging their golden girl. They are vile users and since your DH doesn't have the strength to put an end to it you will have to (if you don't want your life destroyed and be financially taken advanteged of).
Tell DH that this is not love, it's people using the both of you and you will put a stop to it right now. He has you and your dc who love him for who he is, not for what he's got and you're putting in boundaries for the sake of your family.
Tell sister and parents that the plans are off. Tell them that sister can NOT move in and that your DH will come to visit them because you need time alone due to mental health problems (don't need to precise that they are the cause of them). And this is it. Stick to your guns. It's a non negotiable or your marriage and your family might suffer irreversebly from this. You can do this. Let them huff, puff, scream and cry. Don't budge an inch. You need these vile people to stay away from your family! 💗

Agreed.

You need to be tough on behalf of your DH here, @Sp3849. Have you really not seen these people for what they are up to now?

rainingsnoring · 07/04/2025 10:49

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Have you bothered to read even the opening post? If so, how can you tell @Sp3849 that she is behaving badly and call her manipulative and narcissistic? These words all describe the behaviour of his parents and sister. His parents were clearly emotionally abusive to him during his childhood and he is desperate for their love when actually they are just using him.

MuffinsOrCake · 07/04/2025 10:48

I would divorce him. They are taking your home, your family income and your whole property and you and the kids will be their servants

Moveoverdarlin · 07/04/2025 10:48

Ask them all to attend a family meeting. Say she can have a caravan on site and live here for free OR she can have the bedroom and pay £100 a week rent. Horse and Dog will need to be paid for by sister which ever agreement she goes for. Six month trial run starting from May 1st. Like it or lump it.

arcticpandas · 07/04/2025 10:41

This is so sad @Sp3849 . I feel sorry for your DH who is longing for the parental love he never got. But this isn't it. They are using him (and you) to go on holiday and now lodging their golden girl. They are vile users and since your DH doesn't have the strength to put an end to it you will have to (if you don't want your life destroyed and be financially taken advanteged of).
Tell DH that this is not love, it's people using the both of you and you will put a stop to it right now. He has you and your dc who love him for who he is, not for what he's got and you're putting in boundaries for the sake of your family.
Tell sister and parents that the plans are off. Tell them that sister can NOT move in and that your DH will come to visit them because you need time alone due to mental health problems (don't need to precise that they are the cause of them). And this is it. Stick to your guns. It's a non negotiable or your marriage and your family might suffer irreversebly from this. You can do this. Let them huff, puff, scream and cry. Don't budge an inch. You need these vile people to stay away from your family! 💗

Codlingmoths · 07/04/2025 10:40

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/04/2025 10:13

I'm trying to come up with a practical disincentive. If DH struggles to say no to his family, making it clear that they will not be ruling the roost/ she will need to lay or she is out may help dissuade them.

It.might not, they sound pretty awful.

Show quote history

Really she needs to kick him out, tell the family you’re separating and it’s all off, no one is moving in, no one is redecorating, no one is redesigning the barn, but dh will be staying at x for now if they desperately want to visit him like they have fpr the last few weeks and maybe he can take sils room at the parents if she is still moving out somewhere.

then let it settle, and tell dh you can talk in two weeks about him coming back as long as he holds up the same story with his parents, because there is no scenario where he comes back and his sister comes to live too and redesigns her house and you get to pay for her and her animals and have your in-laws stay week too.

SpainToday · 07/04/2025 10:39

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So what do you suggest then??

BehindEm · 07/04/2025 10:39

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Codlingmoths · 07/04/2025 10:37

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What the fuck?? So if your husband suddenly moved his entire family into YOUR HOUSE and they told you how to rebuild the garage and started redecorating rooms, you’d be a narcissist for saying no? I assume you woke up and thought how can I be a dick on Mumsnet today. And succeeded.

ladyofshertonabbas · 07/04/2025 10:36

Reading this in horror, what the heck, this is awful and yanbu!

BehindEm · 07/04/2025 10:33

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diddl · 07/04/2025 10:32

Easipeelerie · 07/04/2025 10:09

I think you will split over this. He is nowhere near in the right place mentally to tell his family the arrangement is cancelled. He has some serious family issues and he doesn’t care enough about the impact on you, even if he says he does.

Well if the dream house has to be sold in the divorce then he'll find out how much they really don't care!

RandomUsernameB · 07/04/2025 10:31

OP, this sounds awful and I feel so bad for you. For your in-laws to be redecorating a room in YOUR house, not to mention dumping the family dog on you, is outrageous and you have every right to say no. I honestly can't imagine any of the women I know allowing this.

I had in-laws that were a bit like your dh's family and I let them walk all over me for years. Finally, they did something awful to my dh and I was so angry on his behalf that I found the strength to put my foot down with my mil. After years of being walked all over, it felt so empowering to tell the old bat "no".

It sounds like your husband may not have the strength to deal with his family effectively. What would happen if you just kindly told your SIL that you have decided that this will not work and that she can't move in? You have every right to do so.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 07/04/2025 10:31

Easipeelerie · 07/04/2025 10:09

I think you will split over this. He is nowhere near in the right place mentally to tell his family the arrangement is cancelled. He has some serious family issues and he doesn’t care enough about the impact on you, even if he says he does.

Also this. Think long and hard.

diddl · 07/04/2025 10:30

Also I doubt that any help SIL could offer your daughter would be worth having her there.

Kisskiss · 07/04/2025 10:30

You were already being very nice and your husband doesn’t seem to recognise that.
if he won’t enforce your boundaries ( it’s your home too!!!) then tell him his sister has to stay put in her parents house… why does she have to move anyway just because she quit her job?

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 07/04/2025 10:29

I would die on the hill that SIL doesn't move in. It's madness that he thinks he can just make that decision without discussion.

diddl · 07/04/2025 10:26

Honestly Op think of your kids.

Why do you want these horrible people who aren't interested in their lives?

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