To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

I'm struggling with the idea that your PIL and SIL wants are more important than the needs of you and your children. Your children's needs must come first. You stated earlier that you moved to accommodate your daughter's disability yet your husband is running around for his parents and sister who are dictating what they want in YOUR home and who took no interest in any of you when you lived close by. Your husband needs to wake up.
You must give him a clear choice as to who is more important, his parents and sister or you and your two children. Stop it now and show your children that they come first. If your husband can't or won't accept that then you will have to make some tough choices. Protect your children.

Nor does your SIL even need to move in to start shoving your DD out. There was a horrible dispute locally a number of years ago when a woman who had her own land and outbuildings, set up a horsey business with her brother-in-law. He had a great reputation as a rider and trainer, as did she, and together they built up a riding school business. All the physical assets where hers, but they built a brand together. The two families were very close, husbands where best friends etc. Then she sadly died, leaving her entire estate to her eight year old daughter, and her BIL took her grieving father to court, arguing that he had built the brand so HE was entitled to all the physical assets. Fucking madness that it ever got to court and it ripped two families apart and cost thousands before, thankfully, the BIL lost his case. He was allowed to take the brand they had built up to another premises, which had never been in dispute, but it is shocking how money brings out the worst in people.

But she signs a contract, moves in then doesn’t pay what was stated on the contract.

What then? OP will have to get her out, how? Plus she has no where to go?

Just so much better to not let her move in in the first place.

Apologies if this has already been said, OP, but your SIL likes what you have got and has decided to move in and have herself and her horses live free in your home. My heart breaks for your DH, I can only imagine what it must be like for him wanting their love so desperatly but I think this is make or break time for your marriage. He needs to face the fact that they are never going to be the parents he wants them to be and put healthy boundaries in place. Not just for him, but also for the lovely family he has made for himself. Whether or not he can face this, though, only he can decide and you have to be prepared for the fact that he may never want to face it. That is going to leave you with a lot of questions about where your marriage goes from here. I am so sorry, you have both been put in a terrible position.

Sending you lots of strength to be firm and stand your ground, OP. Here’s some Gin

It made me feel anxious for you reading your post OP

Please be firm, the life you see for yourself, after all of your hard work and planning, won't be what you end up with. From what you have said, I can't see the sister ever leaving. She is already demanding things change for her benefit, and why, if it is really only short term.
I think your husband needs to be told in no uncertain terms that his family moving in (and let's face it, the PIL will be visiting more and more) could break your marriage.
Horrible situation to be in, I really do feel for you. Be strong, be clear and be very ready to say, no more!.

Good luck OP.

First post nails it ! It’s absolutely awful for your husband but they sound like absolute takers, all of them.

it will break you and your marriage , and then you’ll probably have to sell the dream home unless one of you can afford it independently!

Your DH had to head this off at the pass immediately and not wait until she moves in. The plan cannot go ahead. They are using him and you I’m sorry to say. SIL won’t move out once she’s in, or at least without it getting very messy and nasty.

Sorry op. You sound like good people, but you’re heading for disaster with this plan.

And find out what her running a horse business from your home/land would do to your insurance / council tax etc etc.

My anxiety rose just reading that, I really hope for your sake he reconsiders this ill thought out move.

By saying 'yes' to his sister and parents, he gains their approval, and he will enjoy a short-term emotional elation as a result. However, it won't bring him the love or make up for the lack of love that he has been missing throughout his childhood etc. I feel sorry for your DH in that respect.

But he has to say 'no'. You've already told him it's going to wreck your marriage so what does he want; a short term boost to his feelings about his parents? or divorce? It's a no-brainer but if he does say no, he knows deep down he'll not be seeing his parents again as they'll make life very unpleasant for him.

I hope you can put a stop to all this because it's a shit-show in the making.

Also if she 'can't afford a caravan' (which was never really going to happen, was it) then she can't afford a horse and dog.

This article looks at the jaw dropping costs of keeping a horse. A lot of it is on livery/stabling. Will you be sending her the bill?

https://www.horseandhound.co.uk/features/how-much-does-a-horse-cost-a-month-297517

Her parents must be thinking it's Christmas.

Yaaaaaaaaaay!!! Finally got shot of the freeloading overgrown teen and her expensive pets!

AND we have free stabling for that horse AND a free holiday whenever we want!!!

Cheeky fuckers.

From one of your posts it does seem he's regretting it.

First step - What your husband needs is an easy way out, feeling you're both in agreement about this.

A script he can follow, to tell them it's not going to happen. And follow-up scripts to assert and maintain the position.

(After he has been told very clearly 'happy wife = happy life'.)

Second step - therapy.

@Sp3849 what an awful situation. Your DHs upbringing sounds awful too, especially if he ended up in a hostel aged 17.

You need to put a stop to this NOW. Tell his sister that she is NOT moving in, needs to rent a room locally, but can keep the horse at your house and pay for its upkeep herself.

Tell the inlaws they're welcome to come and visit but only once a month.

Make it clear to your DH that he chooses between his marriage or his sister. He can't have it both ways.

Your SIL clearly intends to move in and never move out.

So to go off point, you would more than likely need planning permission for a static caravan on your land which someone lives in - so that would come with significant issues if you didn’t get the right consents in advance.

this sister and the wider family are going to take over your house and life. I get a feeling that you will be expected to move into the mum position and cook and clean for her and if you don’t your house will become a mess. The dog is an absolute no if she didn’t discuss, this isnt her house and so she needed to check - I can imagine she will go out and you will need to look after it.

given that the relationship with them is odd at best, there is nothing stopping you putting your foot down now and saying no. NOW IS THE TIME, not once she has lived in. If your husband can’t or won’t stand up to this, then I would suggest you do with your daughter best interests at heart.

I was suggesting to get the contract to frighten them into hopefully backing out

sounds like cuckooing to me.
Ive got a DH whose family contact is sketchy to say the least. Hes a tradesman so “useful”. Everytime hes useful he gets thrown a bone and gets to “play” families with them. The rest of the time hes cast aside and ignored.
on some level he sees it, but everytime he still bounds like a puppy when they give him some attention.

back to your situation I can see how it benefits your daughter which is going to leave you conflicted. Prior to your sis in law moving down, did you have a plan for your daughter? As in, agriculture college to help with the horse business?
what I’m trying to ascertain , how much do you need sis in law?
im worried long term if you allow her your in a pickle. As you grow older and the business becomes hers she’s ripe for sis in law to cuckoo the whole thing and take it from her. You don’t know what is around he corner and you don’t want your daughter to lose what you’ve worked hard for

It’s not too late OP to put a stop to this. You have every right to say no. There will be someone else who can support your DD with horses should you wish but this/she is not the answer. Everyone is entitled to change their minds before making a big decision. Don’t miss the moment. If they are good, loving family members and changed parents (!) then they will still be there for your family. You don’t owe them anything.

Whatever you do OP do not give the SIL a rental agreement, only a lodger agreement. With a tenancy, the only way you can get her out is to go to court to evict her with bailiffs. It takes months.

During which time, she maybe won't pay, will trash the place etc and you'll be responsible for the welfare of her horses because they'll be on your land, but you won't be able to PTS for financial reasons or sell them on, because they don't belong to you. You won't even be able to say anything about anything, because she'll have a right to quiet enjoyment of her home that she's renting and you'll be at risk of being sued for harassment and breach of contract if you do. This still applies even if her rent is not being paid and she's the tenant from hell.

Lodgers have no rights really, except for the notice period. After that you can change the locks. Although how the heck you "change the locks" on a sprawling property including fields and barns...

Just don't let her come. She's not going to help your DD.

Your DH is the purse, having inadvertently bought SIL every horsey person's dream, a house with land. I have zero doubts this is how the family view it, they've never viewed him as an autonomous person, he's never existed other than as his role within the family. It's why he's got no boundaries, he wouldn't have been allowed any growing up, or to properly forge his own identity separate from them and his role within the family. He won't necessarily have any awareness of this. To him it'll all feel normal. He may have some misgivings about being railroaded into this, but he's doubting himself instead of kicking off yelling a big far No! to them all.

SIL will take over completely, she'll be lady of the manor, you'll be housekeeper/skivvy and your DD will be equestrian staff/skivvy.

DD will grow up without proper boundaries herself, thinking all this is normal and when you die, DDs inheritance, this house and land, will effectively belong to SIL. With her age and soon to be eligible bachelor (or whatever you call the female equivalent) status, she'll quickly be married and sprogged up with the next generation of golden child, by some man who fancies himself as lord of the manor.

Your DS won't get a look in, unless he's happy with the role of purse, like DH. Maybe he'll attempt to save himself and move out as soon as he hits adulthood...

And so it continues, endlessly, down the generations. Unless somebody breaks the pattern.

If the sister moves in, mark my words, his parents will follow shortly afterwards. And your dream home will be nothing of the sort.

If the sister is as you describe then your DD’s needs will be bottom of the pile - it’ll be the sister show and she won’t have time etc.
Meanwhile you and your DH will be bankrolling it.

Whose idea was it to buy this dream property in your IL favourite holiday destination? I’d guess it’s not something they could afford themselves? Because it sounds like they may have been seeding this idea for a while and neither you nor your husband have twigged that this would be the result.

Do not let her move in. Not even into a caravan. It will be the end of your marriage.

Doesn’t sound as if she has plans to move if she’s is decorating the spare room and redesigning barns. Sounds quite long term to me. I’d want a firm moving out date set.

I think she will plan on trying to set a business up there too. You’ll never get rid. I feel for you!!

No, No, No
Just NO

She wont leave ever and you both will be expected to foot the bill, be her 'parents'

I get he wants the family he never had but they know this and just want to use him and by extension, you

me too. All this is so hellish and he is sleepwalking into it , why? Like how can you make so much good money to be able to buy a nice home and do not realise it is going to finish very quickly for you fund two households, two wives, and a horse business which needs tons of daily supplies , vet and so on

he is mad. He, not she. She just is weak, but he is like - unheard of

Agree
get hubby to therapy immediately
and if nothing else - STOP this circus now

do it fir your daughters sake.
This will totally stress her out …. Even having the user aunty about.
stick with your original plan to encourage your dd with the horse business - which is a fantastic idea.

Sorry - Just why are you BOTH letting this happen. Just sit down with Sister and say you and her havent thought this through. You need to have a rethink otherwise what is happening now will get much much worse!