To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

I had this situation. It very nearly ended my marriage. If there is no other option buy a shitty old caravan and put her in the yard, but even then it’s not going to be pleasant.

OBVIOUSLY the parents are trying to get her, at last, out of their house.

I think this is the most likely scenario. Maybe they're looking forward to getting rid of the dog (and all its expenses) too.

Why on earth should OP sell a house that's perfect for her family just because of these CFs? I agree with all the rest, but why on earth would she sell up instead of just saying no?

I think people mean sell up if he won’t put his foot down?

Why on earth should OP sell a house that's perfect for her family just because of these CFs? I agree with all the rest, but why on earth would she sell up instead of just saying no?

Er...doesn't sound like a particularly tricky choice? Wife and children v parents who drove him out age 17 and are now only after the benefits he can give them.

So your husband was driven out of the family home at 17 by vile parents and you are allowing them and his sister take over your home?

Are YOU out of your mind?
Why would you allow such stress into your lives.

Stop EVERYTHING.
Put the house on the market.
Your husband isn't man enough to protect you or your daughter.
He is prepared to sacrifice his family to people who were vile to him.

Your poor daughter.
You need tobstep up and tell him that they are no longer welcome to visit and the house will need to be sold as you need to divorce.

He needs a dose of reality.

Wouldn't surprise me if they quickly sold up & moved abroad the minute adult-child has been passed on.

Both relationships could be equally important. It's Sophie's choice. Lose / Lose

First you say, This whole thing has completely escalated.
the original plan for S was for a caravan at the bottom of the field, now she’s lording about making changes to barn & paddock ( & not paying) & redecorating a room
at No point did anyone ask you
if that was OK.
She will be a permanent fixture, be helping herself to your food in the fridge & lying on your sofa.
She has no income.

So Whoa there Cowboy.
She can stay for X period until she finds a job & sets up a permanent accommodation. The lodging will be x per month.
She can buy her own food & cook & clean up after herself.
There are no boyfriends staying.
She is responsible for ALL the mucking out/feeding/water/grooming
There is a fixed end date. Which is un- negotiable

OBVIOUSLY the parents are trying to get her, at last, out of their house.

As for them. You need to tell them you are NOT having their dog & it’s not open house every w/e.
It doesn't matter if you like & dont care about the dog. It will then become your responsibility 24/7. They can go on holiday, YOU will have to find kennels.
STOP all this urgently

It doesn’t matter how much of a row it causes at this stage to put a stop to this because the alternative is neither of you (or his family) will have access to to property as it will be sold as part of divorce proceedings.

Totally agree. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to reverse

I completely agree

@Sp3849

It’s your home too and your DH doesn’t get to make these sort of big decisions in isolation (nor spend family money prepping for his sisters whims).

It doesn’t matter how much of a row it causes at this stage to put a stop to this because the alternative is neither of you (or his family) will have access to to property as it will be sold as part of divorce proceedings.

As pp’s have rightly pointed out, it appears no consideration have been given to her running a business from your home, regardless of anything else. The implications of this are potentially huge.

If you don’t put the brakes on now, it will just get harder and harder.

This is not what you signed up for and you have an equal say to your husband here - more so if this is a right of veto over a massive infringement of family space and financial resources.

@OP - I feel for you most wholeheartedly here.

Just to say many years ago I had my brother staying with us because of reasons which was meant to be for a short time. Of course that wasn't the case. It took almost a crisis to make him move on & Dh had been supportive throughout but was brilliant in realising enough was enough.

I do think you & DH should speak to her and indeed DH's parents and reemphasise this is temporary and do whatever you can to make it so. Otherwise given their behaviour it might have to be - this is not what we thought we were signing up for - it stops now - she can't move in, That may be a problem in that I can see her being local would be great for your DD .

But better row now , because I am prepared to bet a pound to a box of oranges if this goes ahead the row waiting will be so, so much worse.

I wish you all the best. But like others - this , and from experience , would be my hill.

I can guarantee if she moves in she will not move out again of her own accord, you need to put your foot down, it's your home too and if you're not comfortable in your own home things need to be said, Iff he won't tell them, you need to because it's not worth this level of stress, I feel stressed at the very thought of this situation and I'm not even in it! Please do not let her move in because it will likely destroy your relationship and it will definitely destroy your peace and your ability to settle and relax in your home

Redecorating your dream house and redesigning your barn? Just no! It may cause rows but tell your DH your in laws will constantly be there and remind him why he moved into a hostel at 17! Your in laws have been awful over the years, why on earth is he allowing them to stamp all over his boundaries (why did you move to their favourite holiday area?!) Put a stop to this now, this is your house, your life which is going to be ruined because your DH is in the Fog. 😭

I have just read your opening thread again - and I still can't believe how cheeky this bunch of entitled parasites are! 😡

Honestly, tell them all in no uncertain terms that the house and land belongs to you and your husband. It is not in family ownership to change and stay as and when they please. They are taking the pi$$ and using your husband to fulfil their own wants and needs.

~Then buy the biggest chain and padlock for the front gate, and put up a sign saying "F##K Off"

OP has worked hard for this and they're taking it from underneath her, right in front of her eyes. She will never know a day's peace in her own home, because it won't be her own anymore.

Sadly this is true. OP, have there been any further discussions/updates?

Only you know this, but if he won’t listen to reason, who would he side with - you or his sister?

I’d be tempted to tell him that the house goes on the market if things don’t get sorted out

OP Just print off and hand DP @Eastertidings post and ask him who will organise and pay for this, along with the cost of fencing, alterations. etc.
She doesn't have a caravan so who will pay for one?
In lieu of a caravan, if she lives in your house, will you be cooking, cleaning, doing her laundry (things her parent still do for her).
What about mealtimes? Your family meals will have a cuckoo in the nest always present. All your private family time will be gone.
Do you want a dog? Who will look after it, feed it, pay vet bills, clean up after it?
Who will pay for the horse, its feed, vet, farrier, stabling?

Ask your DP to add all that lot up! Once she is living with you, she will cost your family a small fortune.
As others have said, your DP has to choose between you and his sister, or divorce could be on the cards.

Exactly. OP has worked hard for this and they're taking it from underneath her, right in front of her eyes. She will never know a day's peace in her own home, because it won't be her own anymore.

I missed that this is the family dog, not her own!! Wow.

In plain sight.

They're moving in, too. Bit by bit.

One daughter, one horse, her stuff, decorate a room for her, remodel the stable for her horse, add in their dog who they of course will also want to come and visit for weekends, holidays ...

Then they'll be pressing to decorate another room to their specifications, then they'll be selling their place, no point buying anywhere when they could come and join their daughter and of course the girls will be included in your will and bla bla bla ...

She is going to live with you forever. And expect to be cooked for and have her laundry done for her, just as she's used to.
I can't say this strongly enough. If she moves in she will never move out. You are running out of time to say no. You need to do it now, or the new life that you placed is over, and so will your marriage be.

I completely agree with this ^. In an ideal world your DH would stand up to them and say no but actually, fuck it, I'd say no to them yourself. Just say you did not sign up to all of this, you thought the sis staying stuff was temporary but clearly everyone's intentions have changed. And tell them that when it wrecks your marriage, you'll be taking your half of the equity with you. But ideally your 'D'H needs to find his anger and tell them to fuck off himself.

If she brings the dog its because the family intend to be there every week end

…possibly capital gains tax on selling?

OP it would incur business rates on all the equestrian space regardless if whether that space was private use or business use (can't remember if the land the house is on counts too) and would require planning consent. This is expensive.

If the business is SILs and involved teaching on your land on SILs own horses (possibly those owned by their owners too?) or the hiring of horses for riding, then she's officially running a riding school, even if it's just one horse and one staff (SIL). This requires licencing from the council. If she's in any way responsible for animals she needs care, custody and control insurance to cover the animals behaviour. Professional indemnity insurance to cover herself in the event she makes an error of judgement that amounts to negligence and results in some kind of loss to one of her clients. Public liability insurance too. Critical injury cover and loss of earnings cover would also be wise in case she's temporarily injured or permanently disabled and can't do her job.

If DD is nominally the business owner then she's also SILs employer, so needs employer's insurance and to comply with all employment laws, in addition to all the above.

I think what is absolutely paramount is you slow this down. Absolutely no one over this weekend. It's going to be harder to get your partner to see the reality whilst he's caught up in the whirlwind. You need space and alone time to discuss this as a family and come up with a plan of action that involves regular weekends without his family visiting and you adding another dependant into the family home.
I wouldn't go all guns blazing that no way can she move in even if that is absolutely what I would be shouting inside. It might be more fruitful to sit your partner down and discuss the realities of what it would look like cost wise and time wise. I think the influence she might have on your daughter might need sanity checking and whether there would be better influences. She doesn't sound the most independent or together of adults. Learning life lessons from someone that's flakey and self interested rarely goes well.

Priority 1 slow this down and quickly.
Priority 2 get the full reality on the table
Priority 3 come up with a plan that is to the benefit for your family not your partner's.