To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

As someone who loves having family and friends around all the time, this posts makes me feel strange

Yeah but would you like them all to live with you permanently?

Do you think she will cope in a caravan?I don’t she will be in your house before you know it .Good luck

well done you and your dh.
expect him to be a little crabby and spiky the next few days. It’s not easy to stand up to the people you crave love and approval from.

I have to say this has taken a weird turn. The sister was pulled out of school and has spent twenty years smothered by the parents. No uni, no collage?
Are the deeply religious? I could not imagine a lad of 17 who has a family being so unhappy he lives in a hostel. A daughter who has not lived on her own at the age of 30.You definitely don't want his parents having any influence over your DC. They sound nuts.
Our job as parents is to give our children wings. Your DH seems to have a couple of control freeks as parents. Are they wealthy? I ask this purely as that's usually the next step in manipulating. They offer money for renovating or even a 'granny annex'. I fell for that one!
Thank god you don't live near them. How old are the parents? Are they looking at you caring for them later in life?
Your husband escaped this crackpot set up and he needs to build on that. I had therapy for alcohol dependancy but it uncovered my unhappy childhood. I was bullied and later in life sort approval and belonging.
I now concentrate on my nuclear family.

I was delighted to read your update OP, but still think the sister should not be coming at all. However if arriving is conditional upon her getting a job, then fingers crossed it might not happen?

Please wake up OP - say no to his sister coming at all. She will move in by stealth. She will come and visit one weekend and not leave. You are being manipulated into feeling sorry for her. You and your DH are being lined up to be her carers and to be totally responsible for her and then after a few months or so when SIL is not coping, his parents will also move in to “support everyone”.

💐 👏🏆🏅

I wonder what's the age difference between husband and sister? If this woman (not 'girl' - stay focussed, she's an adult of 30!) was 9 when they pulled her, that would have been around 2004 ish. Was he already in the hostel then?

Are they older parents?

There's also a bit of a 'tag - you're it!' feel to this; them palming her off on you both in a smooth transition to a new set of parents.

And I think you mentioned there's another daughter - if so, might they have had plans for her, too? Adding her to the little free commune in the country?

I hope you have your own family and friends to rely on, an example of what normality looks like and what you want to create for your own child.

At least your husband has been gifted a great example of what not to do as a parent.

If you've not seen The Big Bang Theory, I think Leonard's strained relationship with his chilly user mother might be worth a look, especially the final few episodes where he finally stands up and forgives her.

Well done to your DH - please help him to find some counselling for his damaging childhood - it'll help him husband and dad better.

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/from-pain-to-healing-growing-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family

Oh and another thing.
If she comes and your marriage falls apart and the house has to be sold, your husband will be left as carer for his sister for life.

I suspect his parents will sell up quickly, trade down the minute she has moved in with you.

I mean it kindly but ye are spectacularly naive to their motives.

When you were close by they never bothered with you and your child.

This is 100% about securing two mugs for their daughter to live off.

Protect your daughter.
Keep these people away.

Your naivety will be your undoing.
Harden up fast.

Totally agree with this. The fact that she quit her job so she could come and live with you and contribute absolutely nothing is astounding!

Well done to you and DH for putting a stop to it

100%. Despite being able to work and look after horses, she's somehow incapable of looking after herself.

She's used to being a dependent, her money is fun money. She was, in fact they all were, fully expecting to transfer her dependency over to your DH (and you).

They don't want you. They want what you've got, and what you worked hard for. Only difference is they want to take it for free.

So clearly they are setting you and your husband up as her carer.
Can you really not see that?
They are vile users.
Please wake up.
This is about her future care.

Despite doing so well, please don't trust these people.

Keep reminding yourselves that when you were close by they had no interest in any of you.

This is clearly all about his sister living off you and using you.

Be very very careful they don't decide to push ahead with their plans and just ignore what has been said.

That is what vile cheeky fxxkers do.
Focus on what they want to happen and ignore anything anyone sayes to contradict their plan.

They are bullys so be prepared.
These people have brought NOTHING to your life to date, why would you imagine they will now.

Protect your child from allowing them to destroy your family, marriage and home.

Do your neighbours want someone living in a caravan near them?
You could rightly be reported for this.
Check it out first.
Perhaps you can kill it altogether with the council saying no to it.

OP and your DH
🎖🎖🎖

Just jumping on here to say a huge "Well done!" to you and your husband. I know from experience how difficult it can be to communicate with a highly manipulative family.

Great update.
Stick to your guns.
I posted up thread about my freeloading family and friends when we had our big house, it never stopped and no money came our way.
When we sold the house everyone disappeared. I get your husbands need to belong but a lad of 17 living in a hostel who actually has a family is nuts. His sister at 30 who appears not to be able to stand on her own two feet smacks of a dysfunctional upbringing. Where are her friends, career etc. Did she not go to uni? I understand if she is SEN but she's not. She's just spoilt.
Your DH has you and your DC. Strengthen that unit by good communication. I bet you were really proud of him last night?
When you live near the coast you'll always have scroungers. My parents had a holiday home in Dorset and it was never empty. My parents were paying site fees and the freeloaders paid nowt.
PIL living with adult children rarely works. They take over. I had 18 years of it and it nearly cost me my marriage.
Make that spare room into your dressing room. Wheel in some clothes rails.
Get a couple of German shepherds/ JRT who only like your nuclear family!😂(you can set the dogs on them)
Your DD and your family are your priority and if you're the baddie so be it.
I'd be getting t shirts printed with ' my land, my rules'.
Keep us posted.

Oh thank god @Sp3849 this is just horrific and I’m so pleased that you and your husband have put on a united front. I’ve rarely been so angry on someone else’s behalf, how bloody dare they. Stand firm! Enjoy your beautiful home

Well done dh! He must be hurting and that would have taken a lot to say it, especially as you say he’s wanted their approval for years. But he’s put you and this family unit first and stopped them using and abusing which is exactly what’s needed.

Think you have both just saved your marriage there. It is clear DH family, who have a history of being vile, have not changed. It is just a new flavour of vile and have no respect or regard for him, you and your family. To just assume they can move in, get everything setup how they want it shows how entitled they are and how disrespectful to you.

Well done!

Nah. It's chosing his own little family which is clearly the most important one. Which he has now done and well done to him.

Oh well. No great loss to the OP if she is blamed and cast off by the DILs. I'd be quite relieved.

Fantastic update.

Something tells me she won't bother at all now she's realised she won't get the royal treatment she was expecting. I'm sure you'll be blamed for it all OP, as is usually the case.

Just seen your updates! Well done to the pair of you! 💪 💪 💪

It’s awful how parasitic these ppl are. The assumption you’d take over housing and paying for her and her animals(!) and then there would be no grounds for refusing them to constantly visit (holiday) as they’d be technically visiting her, in your house.

Thank goodness your husband has stood up to them at last. It’s awful to acknowledge your family really don’t give a shit about you or that it is contractual. But once that is faced, it is a lot easier to feel better moving forward. You will al benefit from the lack of drama. Good luck enjoying the wonderful home you have all earned x

You’ve saved yourselves and your marriage so much stress and heartache.