If you had the chance to put your Dc in private school, would you?

Meant to add:

Yes, grades, universities, jobs and income are important but they are in education for 14 years and I want them to enjoy it as much as possible - imagine being in a job for 14 years with little control over changing if you didn’t enjoy it or, worse still, dreaded it?

We could have afforded it without issue but didn’t send them.

We both worked in higher education and knew we could if needed tutor our children if necessary. DH even assisted some of DS friends with A level maths. We knew our children’s potentials and it wasn’t just a guess as we have assisted hundreds of students in our careers.

We do. Ideally all state schools would be equally amazing but that is not the case and we are in a position to be able to chose the right fit for our DCs and won’t compromise on that.

Both go to run though schools and so have kept friends from when they were very little plus made many new ones who joined at various entry points.

Both have had far more music and sports opportunities than we would have been able to provide even if one of us became a SAHP and ran them to every club we could access.

Whilst not being economically diverse it is much much more ethnically diverse than the local state school that is neither economically or socially diverse.

Perhaps they would have got lucky with the local state education and thrived or possibly coasted or maybe sunk, we will never know. Although having read teachers’ comments on this thread and that on a one about Adolescence, I am more than comfortable with the choice we have made.

Difficult question, obvious answer is yes as they should have more opportunities, sports, visit’s etc and a better general education than would realistically be expected in a state school, but having known a few people whose children were friends of our children or friends of ours who sent there kids to private school, at the end of the day , yes they had more visits to other countries, at significant cost, yes they did fancier sports, fencing for example, but at the end of it all they came out with no better exam results than our kids and certainly haven’t ended up in much better paid jobs, so on reflection, as long as the state school is decent, no.

I have a few friends who are barristers and hedge fund managers/ partners in professional services firms who moved into large houses in places like Hackney and Tottenham earlier in their career and stayed, and whose children attend local state schools (many have left now so it wasn’t a fleeting belief that they swerved from) state schools in inner London are generally good, to be fair. But the intake can be an issue and there is a lot of poverty too.

however their children have all achieved greatly at those schools. 1 in particular does have SEn. I wouldn’t say any really got into problems.

the biggest factor in success at school is parental support and I think this shows explicitly how it does impact.

I'm not sure. Our state school wasn't good, the difference in provision during covid between the nearest independent and our school was jaw dropping. I'd be fairly sure all of my kids would have achieved better grades at the independent school, one in particular had a gift which would have been nurtured, but they have all done OK.
Also the independent school kids are an arrogant entitled bunch with a reputation locally, not behaviour I'd want in my house.

I always wonder about people who can afford the fees, but send to state because of their ethical beliefs. At what point would you give up those beliefs if your state school was shocking and your child was sufferering?

All my spare cash goes on giving my children the best opportunities in life.

Where I live you can get a place in a Catholic private school for a couple of grand a year so a lot of people do it. My son only started school this year and we didn't apply to any private schools. Sometimes I wonder whether we should have, but his little primary school is just across the road and very good, with a tiny catchment area so all his friends live within a few minutes' walk.

Right now I think the benefits of being at his current school outweigh the benefits of private school. But I think every time they're due to move up to the next school (at age 6, 11 and 15) we will look at all the available options and choose whatever we think will be the best fit for them. That could be private or state.

At an ideological level I prefer state, but I am not ruling out private later on if we think it's in their best interests.

no I wouldn't, unless I was ultra-rich.

We had the opportunity to, but we are not v rich and it would have been tight.

I think it's good for my children to mix with all different people from all different walks of life. We are not part of celeb culture or the ultra elite, so in everyday life as they grow into adults, they will mix will all kinds of people and I want them to have the skills to do so and to see people as equal regardless of the money they or their families have

My children's secondary school gets good academic results if the children work hard. I don't know if my children will work hard enough to get top grades or not, or if their interests will take them down more creative, sporting or practical routes, but their school provides opportunities so it depends on what opportunities they wish to take.

I do think extra curricular activities are better at private schools. My oldest used to be a competitive swimmer and although he trained 5, 6 or 7 times a week with a good club, his private school peers had significant advantages and facilities on top of that which enabled them easier access into elite pathways. I believe the same is similar for rugby, cricket and other sports. I also believe drama and music are given far more time and space at private schools.

I thinking either of my children had shown significant promise in music, drama or sport by age 12/13 I'd have considered common entrance for private at age 13 or if they'd be gifted in any area (academic, drama, sorta or music) from an early age I might have considered it sooner.

We also could afford to but won't. Our reasons are mainly

• dc wants to go to secondary school with her friends. She has a solid group and I don't want to mess with a good thing
• dc is extremely bright, as in she will probably get top grades, but she is not exceptionally talented at e.g. music or sport, where I think a private school could offer out of this world support and opportunities.
• it is a bit of a stick I.e. fuck around at state school, coast below your potential or play up, and we will move you to a new school
• the money it would cost, plus a few ears savings, would be enough to literally buy her a house outright. She will be set for life not having to worry. So if she ends up unable to work, chooses to work a low paid job she enjoys, wants to be a sahm etc... we are buying her a life of opportunity.

Yes - and I do.

I grew up relatively poor, and so did DH. We had to fight and scrimp to get to where we are. We’re lucky we managed to become more than comfortable - not everyone does.

I want my children to have everything they possibly can - because they deserve it. It’s not just about the education but the wider benefits and attitudes of those they’re educated with, the teachers and other parents.

We're lucky in that our local schools are excellent and all my kids did really well. However if the schools were poor or my kids had specific educational needs then I would definitely consider it

I looked into it for DS when he was having problems at school. Everything within a reasonable commuting distance to us was selective, so that was a non starter.

I remember thinking that if state school had prepared DS to pass an exam like that, Id have had no problem with state school in the first place!

In the end, we home educated for a few years and then got him into a special unit within a state conprehensive, where hes now doing well.

If I had acess to one of those private schools that specialises in mild SEN. And I didnt have a decent option in the state sector; then yes, I would consider it.

100% I would if I could guarantee I could afford it all the way through to 18 for all my children. I'm not sure I would bother for primary but definitely for secondary.

@BumpyaDaisyevna right there.... workshop for those already predicted 8/9 surely the works shops should be those below

Yes definitely.
Our children deserve the best not be Guinea pigs for our hang ups
Unfortunately we can't afford too ours is in state and talented and a friends DC in private shows the stark differences.

100%. DD went to a private prep school and then a grammar for secondary - she’s 20 now and I still regret not being able to do private the whole way through. There’s just no comparison in terms of the opportunities and teaching that they get

Don’t recognise the idea that the state system wants to make everyone average.

My eldest is about to do GCSEs - predicted mostly 9s and a couple of 8s. I’ve been astounded at the support. For science, history and English there have been workshops for those predicted 8/9 to help them achieve that target. My Dd wants to do history and uni, the history dept support prep for the HAT at oxford.

My youngest did SATs in covid and was very average based on sats at the end of primary. He sat an 11+ and very narrowly missed. So he was average to good, academically.

At his secondary he has flourished and is now in the top set for everything.

No I wouldn’t. We can afford it, but chose not to. I don’t agree with private education.

I would only do it if the fees were a drop in the ocean for me...i.e. I could pay for it while still having enough to pay for University for them (if they wanted to go) and give them a house deposit etc. as well as having a secure financial future for ourselves.

If local schools were so dire that I thought it was justified then I'd more likely move to another area because I doubt it would be just the schools that were a problem.

Huge caveat though that I've done no research, DS is luckily hard working and quite bright and has no special needs and schools round here are relatively good! We would have funds available but only if we stayed in our teeny house forever and would have to forego any savings for his future.

I wouldn't but I'm very happy with the schools in my town and any private school would be far away (which is the only real obstacle as private schools can't charge tuition fees in my country so costs would be minimal for extras)

No. I don't believe in elitism.

Well there are private schools and then there are private schools, so it would depend on that.
One child would probably have thrived, the other child who went to grammar would have hated it, so again, child dependent.
If it meant them boarding then absolutely not.

Yes. Teacher here in state school where in my opinion there is too much indiscipline detracting from learning. There will be less of it at private school and smaller classes. More opportunities too. Teaching may not always be better but more chance of learning taking place.

No, we could afford to send ours but isn’t something we have a desire to do, it would also mean a reduction in sports, no swimming pool etc.

State schools in our area are brilliant so I would say no, however I have one neurodivergent child who is unlikely to thrive in the state sector. We now have an EHCP but I am still doubtful she will manage secondsry in the state sector.

We have another who may also be neurodivergent and doesn't tend to do brilliantly with a large school like he has now.

The third is still very young but if I was doing two I would want to do the third.

if I had the money I would therefore do it in a heart beat.