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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I would be an idiot to message right

119 replies

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 18:34

had a brief relationship with a man which ended in a child being born. He cut me off and when the baby was born I messaged his mum and sister on Facebook. Mum blocked me and sister was initially interested but than went dead due to her mental health (think she had a relationship break down).
Anyway I ended by giving my email address and deleting my Facebook account.
For the last week I've had a desire to message her again. Not sure why.
Bad idea right? I've never meet her btw.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 06/04/2025 19:38

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:09

Would you like your husband to walk away and his family not have any contact with his child

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There's a world of difference between a husband leaving a committed relationship and a one night stand not showing any interest.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:37

blubberyboo · 06/04/2025 19:37

Hey girl, how are things? what's your brothers NI number?

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Lol

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 06/04/2025 19:37

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:33

Thanks. What do I write?

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Hey girl, how are things? what's your brothers NI number?

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:36

Reddog1 · 06/04/2025 19:35

I would start by enquiring politely after her health and then asking if she’d still like to meet.

Edited

I don't really want to meet tbh.

Also why health?

OP posts:
Reddog1 · 06/04/2025 19:35

I would start by enquiring politely after her health and then asking if she’d still like to meet.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:33

Reddog1 · 06/04/2025 19:33

You’ve had some unnecessarily tough replies on here OP.

I think that it may be worth sending one more message, if only for the reason that you can demonstrate to your DC that you tried your very best to forge contact when the questions about dad start arriving in years to come.

Thanks. What do I write?

OP posts:
Reddog1 · 06/04/2025 19:33

You’ve had some unnecessarily tough replies on here OP.

I think that it may be worth sending one more message, if only for the reason that you can demonstrate to your DC that you tried your very best to forge contact when the questions about dad start arriving in years to come.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:30

Endofyear · 06/04/2025 19:26

I would leave her alone. Her silence speaks volumes. She doesn't want any contact with you or the child. Concentrate on the good relationships in your life and making a good life for you and your little one.

Yet she wrote opprosite?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:29

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:27

You asked for opinions and you have received them.

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And?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:28

TheFormidableMrsC · 06/04/2025 19:27

You don’t need his NI number to make a claim. Open another one asap.

Omfg I've made a claim and they are having trouble finding him and asked for NI.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 06/04/2025 19:27

You don’t need his NI number to make a claim. Open another one asap.

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:27

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:25

She said she wanted to love my child.... She replied? So it's not desperate ffs

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You asked for opinions and you have received them.

Endofyear · 06/04/2025 19:26

I would leave her alone. Her silence speaks volumes. She doesn't want any contact with you or the child. Concentrate on the good relationships in your life and making a good life for you and your little one.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:25

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:24

If she wants to contact you she will. She has your details. Why are you so desperate to be friends with his sister?

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She said she wanted to love my child.... She replied? So it's not desperate ffs

OP posts:
JHound · 06/04/2025 19:24

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:15

Not what she wrote in her message

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If she wants to contact you she will. She has your details. Why are you so desperate to be friends with his sister?

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:17

GreenCandleWax · 06/04/2025 19:16

So tough for you OP.💐

Thank you

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 06/04/2025 19:16

So tough for you OP.💐

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:15

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:14

They get to choose who they have a relationship with and they don’t want one with you or the child. You need to accept that.

They do not know you and do not want to know you.

Edited
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Not what she wrote in her message

OP posts:
JHound · 06/04/2025 19:14

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:11

The result is still a child.

You don't get to choose that

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They get to choose who they have a relationship with and they don’t want one with you or the child. You need to accept that.

They do not know you and do not want to know you.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:11

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:10

Was this man your husband? Or a man you had a fling with and whose family you do not know and have never met?

Don’t conflate the two.

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The result is still a child.

You don't get to choose that

OP posts:
JHound · 06/04/2025 19:10

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:09

Would you like your husband to walk away and his family not have any contact with his child

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Was this man your husband? Or a man you had a fling with and whose family you do not know and have never met?

Don’t conflate the two.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:09

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:07

Why message her? If I was the sister I would not see any need to be in contact with you. Just leave them be and focus on your child (and sort out child maintenance from your child’s father.)

Would you like your husband to walk away and his family not have any contact with his child

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 06/04/2025 19:08

I don’t think I would message her again. His family are not interested so I wouldn’t go through the hassle of chasing them to be in your child’s life.
I would look into child maintenance again though as that doesn’t sound right.

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:07

Why message her? If I was the sister I would not see any need to be in contact with you. Just leave them be and focus on your child (and sort out child maintenance from your child’s father.)

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:06

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2025 19:04

That doesn’t sound right as you can claim through CMS without his NI. Try again

As for the family they are not interested so stop trying, forget about them and concentrate on your child

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Do you work for CMS?

OP posts: