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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I would be an idiot to message right

119 replies

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 18:34

had a brief relationship with a man which ended in a child being born. He cut me off and when the baby was born I messaged his mum and sister on Facebook. Mum blocked me and sister was initially interested but than went dead due to her mental health (think she had a relationship break down).
Anyway I ended by giving my email address and deleting my Facebook account.
For the last week I've had a desire to message her again. Not sure why.
Bad idea right? I've never meet her btw.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 06/04/2025 19:57

You don’t need to have his NI number.You have his name and his date of birth-that can get it from that.

tastethestrongbow · 06/04/2025 19:56

They know your child exists and if they wanted to get in touch they would.

Honestly, I’d leave it. He sounds like a deadbeat and his mother blocked you so you and your child are probably better off not being in contact with them.

RedHelenB · 06/04/2025 19:56

PrettayGood · 06/04/2025 18:40

I think you need to get the message that none of them want to know you.

Unfortunately this.

Tidekiln · 06/04/2025 19:55

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:51

No I don't.

I'm engaged.....

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This is a very bizarre thread. Did you deliberately get pregnant in the hope to trap this guy, it didnt work, he and his family dont want you in their lives, you want to reach out to his sister, but you dont care about her or want to meet her, but you want to chat to her just to share photos????

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/04/2025 19:53

The only person being daft (or totally stupid) is you OP. If you don't want opinions then don't ask...and maybe try growing up a little

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:53

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:51

No I don't.

I'm engaged.....

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And I’m Meghan Markle.

Seems like somebody is bored on a Sunday evening.

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 19:51

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:50

Yes until he becomes a loser who abandons his children?

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So if you’ve done a dna test the child maintenance should have no problem finding him as it would have all his details.

And that would be me calling my brother a twat sure but I wouldn’t be involving myself between the pair of you baby wise.

GeorgianaM · 06/04/2025 19:51

Why pester the woman if she has mental health problems?

She has your email address and id she wanted to get in touch she would.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:51

JHound · 06/04/2025 19:50

Sounds like what you are actually upset about is the fact he wants nothing to do with you.

That‘s the risk you take when you have a baby with a ONS / fling.

All you can really do now is continue with the CMS.

Edited
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No I don't.

I'm engaged.....

OP posts:
Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:50

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 19:48

So you’ve done a dna test?

and frankly where my brother puts his dick is not my concern or problem 😅

Edited
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Yes until he becomes a loser who abandons his children?

OP posts:
JHound · 06/04/2025 19:50

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:47

Yes and when you showed pics and proof... You would know that's your nephew/niece and your brother gets your dick wet without consequence

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Sounds like what you are actually upset about is the fact he wants nothing to do with you.

That‘s the risk you take when you have a baby with a ONS / fling.

All you can really do now is continue with the CMS.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:50

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/04/2025 19:49

Their choice, their silence speaks volumes, I'd drop it before you get into trouble for harassment.

Persue the CMS claim though

Don't be daft on both accounts

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/04/2025 19:49

Their choice, their silence speaks volumes, I'd drop it before you get into trouble for harassment.

Persue the CMS claim though

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 19:48

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:47

Yes and when you showed pics and proof... You would know that's your nephew/niece and your brother gets your dick wet without consequence

Show quote history

So you’ve done a dna test?

and frankly where my brother puts his dick is not my concern or problem 😅

Reada · 06/04/2025 19:47

this is not her problem, and while it’s gutting for you she initially seemed keen, she’s stopped replying and that’s where to leave it really, she has your email and can contact you in the future.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:47

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 19:45

If I got a message from a random women claiming she had my brothers child and my brother and mother presumably denying it I would of either joined in the blocking or been very British made the right noises and then hope you’d disappear.

If I had wanted to meet or get pictures of the child I’d of asked.

Yes and when you showed pics and proof... You would know that's your nephew/niece and your brother gets your dick wet without consequence

OP posts:
UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 19:45

If I got a message from a random women claiming she had my brothers child and my brother and mother presumably denying it I would of either joined in the blocking or been very British made the right noises and then hope you’d disappear.

If I had wanted to meet or get pictures of the child I’d of asked.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:44

Remind them that my child still exists

OP posts:
JHound · 06/04/2025 19:43

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:36

I don't really want to meet tbh.

Also why health?

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If you don’t want to meet her than what is the point of this thread? Just leave her alone.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:43

2025willbemytime · 06/04/2025 19:40

Fgs because it's polite to ask.

What do you want if you don't want to meet?

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Share pics

OP posts:
JHound · 06/04/2025 19:42

ThinWomansBrain · 06/04/2025 19:38

There's a world of difference between a husband leaving a committed relationship and a one night stand not showing any interest.

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Thank. You.

Busyquaver1 · 06/04/2025 19:42

I'd leave it, they know about the child if they wanted contact they would email you.

2025willbemytime · 06/04/2025 19:40

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:36

I don't really want to meet tbh.

Also why health?

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Fgs because it's polite to ask.

What do you want if you don't want to meet?

PinkPanthers · 06/04/2025 19:39

Reddog1 · 06/04/2025 19:35

I would start by enquiring politely after her health and then asking if she’d still like to meet.

Edited

I agree with the above. You have received harsh judgement. I don’t think there would be anything wrong with sending a gentle message.

Please remember whilst you read these replies that this is ultimately your life, your decision and this is simply just an online forum.

Original poster
OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 19:39

ThinWomansBrain · 06/04/2025 19:38

There's a world of difference between a husband leaving a committed relationship and a one night stand not showing any interest.

Show quote history

But still children so don't discount

OP posts: