To never want to go on a date again!

healthybychristmas · 10/06/2025 23:52

@samshah How much did Wetherspoons pay you to write that?

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 09/04/2025 21:23

@Smallmercies no you are not BU just don’t bother, honestly it’s so much more peaceful, clean and calm and if you do bother then a few years down the line you will regret it deeply and think ‘why did I bother ‘.

noidea69 · 08/04/2025 18:56

i mean fair play to him really, if he stuck out an hour of listening to her go on about her health problems he probably thought only way this wont be a terrible date is if he got a shag out of it, so might as well have chanced his arm.

TwistedWonder · 08/04/2025 18:52

ViciousCurrentBun · 08/04/2025 09:25

DS has just gone official with a woman he met on Hinge. I can’t write the details as it’s not my story to tell but he was respectful, you could say almost old fashioned.

My friends DD has just got engaged to her hinge match up and my other friends DD has been married for about 5 years to her tinder date and has a baby. Do you think that the older people are the worse the experience overall? always outliers obviously.

I can only speak for myself and my friends all over 50 but every single person I know my age who’s tried OLD has a pretty crap experience- very few even had a decent date.

One friend had a brief - 4 month- relationship with a guy she met on Tinder but he turned out to be a twat. No one else I know has got beyond a few dates.

KimberleyClark · 08/04/2025 10:49

I was very lucky, met DH through a shared interest and knew him a while before we started dating so he wasn’t a stranger. If gods forbid anything happens to him I have no intention of doing OLD, I will be single for ever.

Serendipetty · 08/04/2025 10:18

ItGhoul · 08/04/2025 09:24

I wouldn’t choose a coffee shop. I’d choose a nice pub or a bar, just not a Wetherspoon’s. To be fair I live in a city where there are a million other suitable options so I’m probably a bit spoilt.

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I would maybe do that if I was just going for drinks. For food I'd still choose 'spoons, being vegan at least I know I am 'safe' there choice wise-I'd not like having to embarrass a date by saying 'nothing on the menu, I'll just have some chips' or similar!

I live in a village so I guess it would totally depend on where I met someone.
Having said this I can't see myself going on any date at all anytime soon, still mentally scarred by my last set of experiences with them!

ViciousCurrentBun · 08/04/2025 09:25

DS has just gone official with a woman he met on Hinge. I can’t write the details as it’s not my story to tell but he was respectful, you could say almost old fashioned.

My friends DD has just got engaged to her hinge match up and my other friends DD has been married for about 5 years to her tinder date and has a baby. Do you think that the older people are the worse the experience overall? always outliers obviously.

ItGhoul · 08/04/2025 09:24

Serendipetty · 06/04/2025 18:48

I'm the one who suggests wetherspoons for a casual first date! Safe as they're big, city central and lots of people. No awkwardness of waiters etc as it has an app. Plenty of options I can eat (vegan). I despite coffee shops and cramped cafes. Maybe I've put people off! 🤣

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I wouldn’t choose a coffee shop. I’d choose a nice pub or a bar, just not a Wetherspoon’s. To be fair I live in a city where there are a million other suitable options so I’m probably a bit spoilt.

StartAnew · 08/04/2025 09:13

Livpool · 06/04/2025 17:52

Well everyone you know started off as a stranger. I am surprised he wanted to continue the date after being talked at for an hour

Well, he wanted to go home and have sex. Possibly felt he was owed it after the health update. I agree with OP, a quiet day in Wetherspoons is much better.

QueenOfWeeds · 08/04/2025 09:08

@healthybychristmas I think we both looked equally horrified and said “first date!” whilst sort of shimmying a bit further away from each other…

healthybychristmas · 07/04/2025 23:34

QueenOfWeeds · 06/04/2025 17:56

On one of my worse dates, we were at a sharing table in a pub with another couple (didn’t know them, they were just using the table). She was getting really drunk and when her date went to the bar, she leaned over and said “sorry to interrupt but we can’t decide. Are you on a really bad first date or have you just been married for a long time and are bored of each other?”

She went home with her date. I did not go home with mine. My theory was if a date is good, that’s great. If not, it might as well be so bad that it becomes laughable.

I'd love to know what you and he replied to this.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 07/04/2025 00:46

This is the new reality. Dates are like public auditions. Back in my day, you met at uni, or at work, or (maybe) in the pub or club. If you missed the uni boat, and your workplace has rules about dating, and you’re not a pubber or clubber, awkward public settings within earshot of others is today’s way. It’s hard!

Original poster

Smallmercies · 07/04/2025 00:37

Leafy74 · 06/04/2025 22:45

Spending 1 hour listening to somebody else's private conversation is really shitty.

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I was eating my lunch at the next table!!! Hardly spying on them. She had a loud voice.

OP posts:

3678194b · 06/04/2025 23:22

That's probably the issue with online dating, leading to awkwardness at the first meeting.

In the days in meeting people in person, the first evening/day you met was the first date!

Leafy74 · 06/04/2025 22:45

Smallmercies · 06/04/2025 16:39

I was enjoying a solo lunch with my book in my local Wetherspoons (I know, but it's a nice one) when I became aware of a couple on a first date.

She spent the whole hour talking about her health problems, while he said very little. Afterwards she suggested a walk, and he asked her back to his place. She assented, "as long as you don't expect anything". I wanted to shout DON'T GO BACK TO HIS, YOU DON'T KNOW HIM!!

Instead I finished my boneless basket, went home to my gloriously quiet house, watched a film of my own choice and went to sleep in my lovely, comfy king size bed.

Is dating strangers really worth it??

Spending 1 hour listening to somebody else's private conversation is really shitty.

Serendipetty · 06/04/2025 22:40

arethereanyleftatall · 06/04/2025 22:14

Myself and the other single middle aged women I know, wish we were lesbians. Then we’d probably bother dating.

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I propose I sit you down with a cup of tea/glass of wine and tell you my dating history. Reckon you'd soon change your mind 🤣🙂

JHound · 06/04/2025 22:24

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 06/04/2025 21:33

I'm a 46 year old woman and I do that. What's the point of having loads of dates of you're not sexuallly compatible? Sex on date 1 or 2 is best. (And it weeds out the idiots who only want ONS)

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I can weed out the idiots who only one ONS without having sex with them.

And it has the upside of me not feeling like shit when I get ghosted.

JHound · 06/04/2025 22:22

TwistedWonder · 06/04/2025 20:59

Believe me, there’s men in their 50’s and 60’s to apply that ‘try before you buy’ tactic and won’t go past a second date without sex - tbh there’s probably women as well but I wasn’t going on dates with them.

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Yep I have had that tried on me and I always tell them we are clearly not compatible and block them.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/04/2025 22:14

Serendipetty · 06/04/2025 22:04

Lesbians tend to always do sex straight away as far as my experience tells me. In fairness, there isn't risk of pregnancy, much lower risk of STIs and women don't tend to kill each other either so it makes sense.

Myself and the other single middle aged women I know, wish we were lesbians. Then we’d probably bother dating.

Serendipetty · 06/04/2025 22:04

Lesbians tend to always do sex straight away as far as my experience tells me. In fairness, there isn't risk of pregnancy, much lower risk of STIs and women don't tend to kill each other either so it makes sense.

TwistedWonder · 06/04/2025 21:43

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 06/04/2025 21:33

I'm a 46 year old woman and I do that. What's the point of having loads of dates of you're not sexuallly compatible? Sex on date 1 or 2 is best. (And it weeds out the idiots who only want ONS)

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Which is fine if that works for you but I need more of a connection tin before I have sex

Ive never had sex after a couple of dates - I don’t get that instant attraction, itm a slow burn sort of woman, always have been. Im
mot sure I’ve even kissed anyone on a first date let alone had sex.

If someone not interested because there’s no sex for a few dates then we wouldn’t be compatible anyway.

TheAmusedQuail · 06/04/2025 21:43

I was having a solo coffee in Costa a few weeks ago and sat next to a couple on a first date.

They were fairly equally matched, appearance-wise, but he totally dominated the whole conversation. Boasting about his car, talking in a really loud voice. She kept trying to make conversation, but he just took over again every chance he got.

They walked out together after an hour or so and I didn't get any vibes that she was put off. I mean, maybe I was unreasonable and he was just nervous. But the whole time I just felt that even I, at my much older age, and far, far less attractive than her, would have been totally turned off by him.

Thank god I've not got to tolerate that again.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 06/04/2025 21:33

TwistedWonder · 06/04/2025 20:59

Believe me, there’s men in their 50’s and 60’s to apply that ‘try before you buy’ tactic and won’t go past a second date without sex - tbh there’s probably women as well but I wasn’t going on dates with them.

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I'm a 46 year old woman and I do that. What's the point of having loads of dates of you're not sexuallly compatible? Sex on date 1 or 2 is best. (And it weeds out the idiots who only want ONS)

TwistedWonder · 06/04/2025 20:59

MathsMum3 · 06/04/2025 19:28

This is the way they do it nowadays according to a recent conversation I had with my 23-year-old niece. Work out if you're sexually compatible first, then afterwards decide if you actually get along. One good reason for being glad I'm not in my 20's/30's any more! 😂

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Believe me, there’s men in their 50’s and 60’s to apply that ‘try before you buy’ tactic and won’t go past a second date without sex - tbh there’s probably women as well but I wasn’t going on dates with them.

SewingIsMySuperPower · 06/04/2025 20:57

ItGhoul · 06/04/2025 18:11

Two of my best friends are in long-term relationships with fabulous men they met through online dating, and my niece and her lovely now-husband met on Tinder. DP’s friend is married and has two kids with a man she met online. So I think it can work brilliantly if you’re good at reading people from their messages, don’t compromise on fairly small things that matter to you (I, for example, would not date someone who suggested meeting in a Wetherspoon’s) and are prepared to kiss a few frogs before you find the handsome prince.

DP and I were having a drink and some food in a pub on holiday and were seated at an outside table adjacent to a couple on a first date who were maybe 30ish, had never had any other relationships (this was discussed at length and at a volume that made it impossible to ignore) and spent a lot of the date reading bits of the Bible to each other. They drank orange squash. At one point DP went off for 20 minutes or so to buy a newspaper and some sunscreen while I stayed at our table alone with my book. Bible girl then went to get more orange squash or to the loo or something and Bible boy stared at me so intently and weirdly the entire time she was gone that I felt like slipping her a note on a napkin telling her I thought he could be a murderer.

I met my husband online 14.5 years ago. There was a younger couple sat opposite us (we assumed students). They clearly guessed we were on a first date and the girl kept smiling and giving me thumbs up whenever he nipped to the loo 🤣

I sometimes wish I could tell her we made it 😍