To think ghosting a friend is cruel and actually quite narcissistic?

Sure, fair enough. But then that’s about you not wanting to put in work. It’s doesn’t necessarily prove that the other person wouldn’t be willing to change or apologise if they were given feedback.

I think in some situations yes the person ghosts to avoid being pulled up on their own behaviour or to put someone in their place (mean girl type behaviour of leaving people out and ghosting). On the other hand, I don’t always want to use my mental energy to correct other people’s behaviour and don’t feel it’s my place, especially when it’s obvious they are in the wrong and “no one told me they didn’t like it” is the excuse.

I agree.

But if you’re cross with someone, bring out the “narc” insult !

Why do people always say “ Sandra” on here? Am I missing a movie reference?

A narcissist would tell you exactly how you’re not giving them attention and create a huge argument over silly because they like drama and their “friends” are their oxygen for that behaviour. Ghosting is the opposite of narcissistic behaviour because there’s no drama and a chance to milk sympathy from everyone.

Most people ghost because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them the truth and don’t want to end up in a situation where the other person insists that they should be heard and offered a chance to apologise/change their behaviour. The ghost wants to disappear with the drama of the other person begging etc which isn’t narcissistic behaviour.

Friendships are supposed to be nice things. Not work. I'm not here to help people improve. I'm here for the laughs and connection.

How do you know whether or not they would take feedback on board and change if you haven’t tried it? If you have tried it and got nowhere, then fair enough. But that’s often not what ghosting involves.

If you mean them ghosting you to focus on themselves, then you're not wrong. Maybe take some time to work out why your friend needed to cut you out.

Then move on.

Narcissistics don’t ghost, they thrive off attention.

Ive ghosted someone before im not proud of it, but they constantly used any excuse slag her “friends” off to me and it made me feel very awkward. I don’t like people like that.
Ironically she started with the attention seeking Facebook quotes of people ingoring her the very next day…. I made the right choice.

If it turns out a friend / acquaintance is an arsehole or you no longer enjoy their company, what are you supposed to do? Meet them and give them a performance appraisal? If they were the kind of people who take feedback on board and change, then I wouldn't be ending the relationship.

Also it's just friends. Not all friends are best friends / friends for life / ride or die. Some friends are just people you know and go for a coffee with... Are you supposed to have a catch up and say 'Sandra, I know we've had a great number of chats and lunches since meeting at NCT but what with your kid moving to another school and me getting uncomfortable with your firm views on cross-stitching, I've decided to draw a line under our mild acquaintance. I wish you well with future relationships."

They may have tried to tell you why you didn't listen, so they gave up.

Nah, it's not narcissistic, it's just cowardly.

But given how many people seem unwilling to use their words lately, it doesn't surprise me.

Ghosting has its place in the interpersonal toolbox,

sometimes the alternative to ghosting is not satisfactory - depending on the characters involved -

I would ghost if I thought the ghostee just wouldn’t be receptive / would cause me grief / etc when I am trying to extract myself from a relationship that is not working

blimey apologies OP I wasn't aware you were a qualified psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

Think we need to start ghosting these ghosting threads.

Doesn’t it get boring🙄

Especially as “narcissistic” is normally used on MN to mean “a person with whom I have fallen out or who doesn’t act exactly as I wish they would.”

“Stick a label on it if it troubles you” is the go-to coping tool around here.

You can end a friendship without ghosting someone. Maybe you need to look at yourself.

YABU.

Narcissists don't ghost. They thrive on attention, why would they disconnect from a supply?

The best way to deal with Narcissists is to block them.

Agree. I ghosted and blocked a former friend after several attempts to discuss what I thought was toxic behaviour from her and her absolute refusal to carrot any opinion other than her own.

I’m mot the only former friend who has done the same so there’s definitely a common denominator- her!

It's a last resort imo and nothing to do with narcissism. In fact I’d say it’s more likely to be the narcs that are blocked rather than the exasperated firmer friends who say ‘enough’

Maybe you need to look at yourself? I ghosted someone who was desperate for a relationship despite having a girlfriend. He also blamed me for his friend being sectioned. I was having my own problems and couldn't be bothered dealing with that rubbish

I couldn't think of a good reason to stay friends

What did you do?

@SnugShakerit might be worth you searching for “ghosting” and you will pull up the other threads including one from yesterday and others not authored by you which have some comments from ghosters about why they did it. You are making some generalisation and it’s very easy to wheel out the personality disorders labels for behaviour you don’t like. I imagine each situation has its unique points on both sides. Perhaps you have to reflect on your own ghosting, accept any contribution you made and then get on with life? You can’t change other people, only yourself and your behaviour and responses.

People who ghost others are simply lacking in moral fibre. They don’t have the integrity and self awareness to be able to explain to someone why they no longer want to associate.

it says more about them than you.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less