To think ghosting a friend is cruel and actually quite narcissistic?

Well you are better off with a block really. At least you know it’s goodbye and aren’t wondering if they have lost your details or something.

It doesn’t happen. They’ve been told. They’ve been told. They choose to not listen.

No idea what! I thought ghosting someone was going no contact? Which is what he did.

A few people said he'd have been expecting sex. But I'm gay and had a girlfriend at the time and he hadn't suggested anything like that ever before. I just don't know.

Cowardly based on what?

Fading out a friend is OK, I think most people do it.

Ignoring an ex friend if they keep going on and on about what have they done and trying to arrange meetups when you've already made your position crystal clear is OK too.

Cutting off contact and never giving an explanation if your ex friend asks for it, one time, is cuntiness of the highest order.

Or they aren’t wasting their effort on someone they don’t want in their life?

@Enigma53 I'm so sorry for all you are going through - your friend is a dick, no one has the energy for that least of all someone going through all you are.

Sorry for the other poster who lost friends after a cancer diagnosis.. not my favourite saying but "the rubbish took itself out"

Here’s one for you OP.

Said “ friend” of over 40 years. I tell her I’ve been diagnosed with a uterine cancer (over a year ago now) I tell her it’s tough on the mind, body and soul. That I needed a full hysterectomy.

Her response ( I quote)
” Oh dear”
” I’m going on holiday with x soon, I cant wait”.

Next, they find a new cancer at the same time. This time, incurable BC. I’m distraught.

Her response “ Oh dear. Can’t they remove your lung?”

Next, my bastard uterine cancer is back, in a different part of my body. I’m
now undergoing gruelling ( yes gruelling fucking chemo!)

I tell her it’s hard. I’m trying to stay alive for my kids, partner and parents. That my hair is gone, my mouth hurts, my eyes hurt, my bones ache and I don’t know who I am any longer.

Her response “Oh I thought you’d gone quiet!”

I have ghosted her to the fucking moon!!!!!’

Me too! It’s incredibly hurtful.

Yes I had two friends gradually vanish after my cancer diagnosis.

I won’t ever bother with them again.

This! 👌🏻😂

I've ghosted two friends, several years apart. In both cases it was due to their behaviour.

The first was a male friend who I loved like a brother. We were really close and I thought we'd be friends forever but when I met my now DH his behaviour changed towards me. He started making comments that made me feel uncomfortable, touching me all the time and commenting on my body/looks in a way he'd never done before. I tried to talk to him about it and he got very upset and emotional, said he couldn't believe I was making him feel like some sort of sex pest and how could he possibly feel comfortable around me again, he'd have to watch everything he said etc. He actually had be convinced I was overreacting. Then I found out he'd told several mutual friends that he and I were having some sort of affair, a complete lie and one that could have wrecked my relationship, if anyone had actually believed him.

The second was a friend who had some Mental Health issues, which she was not willing to get professional help for but would lean on me heavily for emotional support. She would call me at all hours saying she was suicidal, then turn her phone off for hours and ignore messages. Then just as I was thinking I need to call the Police she'd respond with something like "sorry, was asleep/went out, feeling much better now!" If ever I wasn't available to her straight away she would take it very personally. Any time we met up she would monologue for hours about her problems with her work, family, or relationship. She never asked how I was or seemed interested in my life. The final straw was when one of my oldest and closest friends died. She phoned me to chat and I said "sorry it's not a great time, we've just had some terrible news, X died today" and she started wailing then hung up on me! She text me a little while later saying "sorry I had to hang up, I'm just so devestated about X" She had met them once, at a party years before and they barely spoke!

In both cases I knew from experience that any attempt to discuss their behaviour would be met with such an emotional, over the top response that I would most likely end up backing down, comforting them and possibly even apologising despite having done nothing wrong. I'm older and wiser now, and wouldn't be so susceptible to gaslighting and manipulation, so would feel more confident to have it out with them. But I honestly believe that it wouldn't have done any good in either case.

I don't think people usually cut friends out of their life for no reason.

I agree - and am surprised about the number of Ghosters on this thread. Thought maybe not as there does seem to be a tendency for Mumsnetters to go NC for the slightest infraction, or exhortations to LTB because he doesn’t put the lid back on the toothpaste. So I guess maybe its not surprising there are so many Ghosters on Mumsnet

You can always ghost this thread 🤣

It is not a requirement of friendship for one adult to attempt to parent another adult into being a better/decent person.

The only people I have ever met that bang on about ownership and confrontation in friendships are bullies that cannot stand it when they don’t get the opportunity for more conflict. Hence why they get ghosted.

It depends I know people that ghost "friends" on a regular basis.
Some were narcs, others were people that were damaged, narcs used it as a weapon those that were damaged were just joining different friendship groups in an effort to fit in and ended up damaging themselves more.

I also know people that have ghosted those that were damaging to them and brought nothing to the table but pain and wanted to use them.

Yabu

i ghosted a “friend” who was utterly abusive. It’s not my responsibility to explain to her what she had done wrong - she bloody knew it was wrong and was a total CF.

Narcissism is far too over used on here. It’s very rare but everyone seems to know one…

I’ve had 2 friends ghost me in the 18 months I’ve had severe Long Covid.

l’d known one for 24 years. It makes you feel disposeable. It’s horrible.

Blocking is a step further than ghosting though.

You clearly did something wrong😬😱😲!!

Why narcissistic, OP? I know you say not NPD but it's still a stretch. Just not prioritising someone else's feelings in one situation or having a different version of events isn't narcissistic.

As in does it show grandiosity, entitlement, exploitation, arrogance, lack of empathy (apart from prioritising cutting someone off over their feelings), underlying self esteem issues etc etc?

Not saying it's a pleasant experience but the ghoster may genuinely feel at the end of their tether.

For instance, I cut off a friend who had behaved really badly when I was diagnosed with something shit. I really doubt she would recognise her extremely insensitive and flaky behaviour (she was like it before), and I gave her chances (and said something) but had enough. I had no interest in a row. The only thing I didn't do was have an argument or let her know I was signing off.

We sometimes come across quite differently to our own views of ourselves.

Yes I thought you’d say that. Trust me, I know. There was a proven history of harassment of others that had also had enough. You’ll have to take my word for it

I had to ghost someone who was obsessively contacting me, it was a friendship gone wrong and I felt trapped. Every time I tried to distance myself and told them I was finding it too much they'd break down crying and refuse to leave my car (i used to drive them home after a shared hobby). So I just blocked and ghosted them.

They turned up on my street a few years ago and kept trying to say hello to me and started shouting and getting the neighbours involved so I had to involve the police!

Ghosting is unfortunately sometimes necessary. However, this scenario was probably quite extreme and more akin to stalking in the end.

Sometimes it isn't 'wrong' as such, I've had friends who've been ghosted when they've supported a ghoster for a long time and then ghoster's situation gets better and the ghosted reminds them of painful memories.
Or the ghoster doesn't like something about the ghosted but not 'wrong', maybe they have a mutual friend they've fallen out with.

I was ghosted by a very old friend after we went on a minibreak together for the first time. I really can't think what I did wrong at alll. We spoke almost daily and supported one another and had plenty of laughs and good times. Same age, met at uni. Went to see him and stayed in some lovely places for a few days, had a few drinks and nice meals then when I got back I found myself blocked on everything. No idea why.

I think the general consensus on this topic seems to be that it is nuanced. In some situations, it’s the only way to deal with problematic behavior and in others it’s the cowards way out. Very personal I suppose.

What I don’t understand is when people openly talk about how much they vehemently dislike others but then carry on seeing them and acting as though they love them to bits. I’m watching one of my ‘friends’ do this to another friend at the moment and it’s so awkward as she has absolutely no idea. Every time I see ‘friend’ she is full of “ffs she won’t stop texting me” or “ugh I have to spend the whole day with her again this week” but other friend is lovely and also has no idea.