To think ghosting a friend is cruel and actually quite narcissistic?

I had a close friend of 15 years do an ever so slow and steady exit out of my life about 10 years ago.

That sounds like the opposite of ghosting though, a gentle exit from the friendship due to growing apart sounds like just part of life.

I had a close friend of 15 years do an ever so slow and steady exit out of my life about 10 years ago. She never told me what I'd done and for several years I wondered why.

Then maybe three years ago I found myself in a situation where a friend of mine was struggling with intense loneliness. She was very very hard work and I was thinking about backing off. But then I remembered the intense loneliness I'd struggled with about a decade ago and realised it had coincided with the time my ex friend had started to exit from my life.

I reckon I'd become appalling company, she hadn't realised the extent of my loneliness and just thought I was pain in the arse and didn't want to be friends anymore. I imagine that she had absolutely no idea how to articulate what she was feeling and even if she did I'm not sure I could have changed it.

When I had a friend who was lonely I decided to not walk away, and I'm very glad I didn't as the friendship is the best it's ever been.

I do think though that the friend who walked out on me probably did the right thing. She didn't wanna be in the friendship so she got out, without there being a memory of a horrible argument or any nastiness.

@ItsAWonderfulDayForPie

100% this. ^ This pretty much covers the reasons I 'ghosted' this woman I mentioned in my post from yesterday. (6th April at 21.03.)

Good post @TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit 👏 (At 11.06 today.)

I guess both thing but a different mutual friend said something about it recently. I guess you are right and not relevant to the thread

How come the line "you can end a relationship for any reason" gets trotted out when someone wants to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but not if it's a friendship?

Why do we owe a friendship another chance or an explanation? It makes no sense.

"Women are not rehabs for men" So why should we be for friends?

The majority of people that ghost, do so because there's no other way to get through to the person.

Maybe not with the situation with the autistic friend that is the ghoster. Maybe he was just done and it has more to do with him than what the poster did wrong. Which is fine.

I would ghost in a heartbeat if my 'friend' is an energy vampire and sucking my soul dry for years on end. Like another poster earlier, I would wear that badge with pride. I am older now and have given too much with too little in return and value my own sanity more.

I did the same - a friend's son bullied mine and she went into full on defensive mode and tried telling the school I had made it all up - not knowing it was the school who had contacted me about her son's behaviour towards mine not vice versa. She doesn't actually know that I know that she went to the school and tried to lie about me, so she probably thinks I randomly cut her out of my life..

I had a couple of theories but I think that was my brain just clutching for something when the reality is probably not.

Friend was autistic, still lived with his parents and didn't have many friends. None of this was an issue to me at all of course!
I mentioned the confusion to another (also autistic) friend and she said that whenever we went out for the day or for night time drinks or whatever she noticed how easily I got talking to people and how it seemed so effortless for me to chat with a barman or waiter or another tourist in a queue or whatever. Said that she would admire it and try to pick up social skills but to some people with ASD perhaps it could spark jealousy or awkwardness. I'd have never have thought of that.

Another was that he spent a lot of the trip talking about politics and his strong views about the govenrment. I did join the conversation a lot obviously, I'm fine to talk about anything but I also often changed the subject because it was my birthday trip and frankly I didn't want it to just be full of doom and gloom.

Another is that one morning I didn't get up with him to go and get breakfast. I don't 'do' breakfast and would usually just sit and have a coffee but that morning I didn't feel like it and stayed in the hotel. Maybe he was offended?

Another was, while driving one day my blouse buttons popped open (on my belly area, nowhere rude) and I didn't notice for a while. I'm slim, but driving around with your belly out isn't a good look!(I was clutching wih that one)!
Another was, it had been arranged that we'd share the driving but when I got there I learned that he didn't currently have a car thus wasn't insured even third party for mine, so I had to do all of the driving. I was okay about it but I may have seemed a little disappointed, which I was, it was a four hour drive to get to his neck of the woods in the first place.

Another was he said that he planned on becoming a BTL landlord, during one of our conversations. I told him he'd need a residential property first and he seemed upset that he hadn't thought of this.

Maybe I was just a bit annoying after sampling the glorious cornish cider (which he also had plenty of so I don't think so).
I don't know. I've not thought about him in years until this thread. I still miss our chats and closeness though and I do hope he's okay.

Several reasons for ghosting someone:

They don’t listen.
They make every conversation about themselves.
They’re clingy.
They expect too much time and energy from me.
They complain about everything.
They bang on about purchases.
They take everything personally.
They expect instant replies to messages.
They send a barrage of short messages and camp on WhatsApp waiting.
They need help/favours with everything.
They bore me.

I had to ghost someone whose reactions to my struggles was just bizzare. It was "I manage perfectly well and don't understand why you don't".

And her reaction to me being diagnosed with something was equally weird. She told me she hadn't heard of it and then asked why my parents hadn't noticed I was having problems. There's no obvious symptom

I didn't ghost him as such but I unfriended someone because we never talked which appeared to really bother him. Why would I be friends with someone i don't talk to?

I've ghosted one or two people over the years and my reasons for ghosting and not explaining to them is

Why would I basically show them how to treat the next person better? Why would I point out what they did wrong ect so the next person gets a better version snd they learn how to hide their nad behaviour better 😅

No thanks. They can keep repeating the same mistakes with everyone

They absolutely do ghost - once they get bored of the current “feeder” they’ll go and find a new supply, if they don’t have one already.

Then when they get bored of that one they come back and throw breadcrumbs.

Classic NARC behaviour.

It’s MN. ADHD is brought up on nearly every thread

Have been ghosted in recent memory.

It's cruel, end of.

I mean if I'd done something terrible fair enough, but to ghost because my friend was annoyed / irritated or whatever with me? No. There's other ways to let someone down. Ghosting is a head fuck.

What's the adhd part got to do with this thread?

This assumes everyone is a reasonable person on both sides.
Sometimes you literally have to ghost people because they think it's a conversation, an invitation to argue, if you enter into any kind of dialogue with them
End of the day no one owes anyone else friendship. I'd imagine there will have been alot going on before someone's resorted to ghosting..
I've had to ghost one person after repeatedly trying to have a conversation about how I couldn't cope with the level of contact she demanded. I'm not a narcissist I just could not deal with it.
My life has improved since cutting her out completely and it's sad because she was a very old friend.. but sometimes you have to prioritise your own mental health. Especially if someone is trampling all over your boundaries.
Doubtless on her side she would be saying how heartless I was but from my perspective I was left with literally no other option as any discussion I tried to have with her about it was a shitshow and made the problem worse.
You can't always explain yourself and be understood. Sometimes you just have to walk away and not explain.

There was a thread about this earlier this week and the week before...
It never is just ghosting. It is usually one party not seeing the other struggling and trying to change something and failing. The person I spoke to refused to apologise, I've a clear string of messaging calling her out for being super rude, she didn't think she had been then carried on being rude on the messages. That was that. Technically we ghosted each other, but I gave her the option to apologise and stay friends at least.

@Cabbagefamily yes, this happened to me too. I found it extremely hurtful, particularly after knowing each other since primary school ( early/mid fifties now). I decided she was emotionally immature and all her life was protected from real life by her parents. She hasn’t a fucking clue what I’ve been through over the years. I’ve been to hell and back and now face an uncertain future, while she offers me a weak “ oh dear” every so often! No thanks.

Best wishes with everything, it’s a tough road 🌺

IDGAF if it's narcissistic, or cowardly, or cruel. Sometimes it's the only way to get rid of someone who is bringing nothing to your life but negativity, stress, and toxicity. How the hell are you supposed to get rid of someone you don't want in your life anymore? Say 'I'm fucked off with you now, you annoying toxic twat, please never contact me again.' NO-ONE is going to say that. No-one is going to 'use their words' (as a pp said,) to tell someone to fuck off. (Where did this tedious saying spring from?!)🙄

I ghosted a 'friend' around 6-7 years ago. I met her at a hobby group. She was OK for the first few months, but showed her true colours fairly quickly. She was obsessive, possessive, unhinged, rude, obnoxious, spiteful, nosey, intrusive, and catty about other people. She was a Churchgoer too - well she went once every 3 weeks or so, and was very judgy of women having babies at a young age, women having babies out of wedlock, and same sex relationships.

She was gossipy and nasty, and talked about me and DH behind our back(s) too. After a couple of years of tolerating her, I stopped contacting her, and didn't return her calls, and avoided her like the plague. I stopped going to 2 social/hobby groups because she went to them. She hounded me for about 11-12 MONTHS, after I ghosted her, and I was afraid to open my front door. (She lived about half a mile from me/still does!)

I blocked her on the phone but she kept calling from different numbers! (For a good 3-4 months she kept ringing,) and she also popped around occasionally, and asked DH if I was in, or walk past my house on the offchance she could see me. She even rang my fucking WORKplace a few times! (Hoping to catch me answering the phone!)

She told everyone she met that I had cut her loose/ghosted her, and consequently I had 3 other women (who I was also friends with,) stop talking to me. She poisoned them against me. I also had couple of other women ask me CONSTANTLY why I hadn't been in touch. Even 3 or 4 years later, they kept bringing up, because she pecked their head about me every time she saw them. As I said, even 3-4 years later! The woman was obsessed!

I had to 'ghost' her for the sake of my mental health. She was stressing me out and making me a nervous wreck. She is now BFFs with 2 of the women who now don't speak to me anymore. They're welcome to her. And tbh, losing them was a small price to pay to be rid of her. They were never friends in the first place if they believed her bullshit.

If ghosting her makes me cowardly, rude, and narcissistic, then I'll wear that badge. Tell you what though, it's put me off even making any more new friends. I have a couple of old friends from many years ago who live 10 and 15 miles away, and I have a couple of women in my road who I'm quite friendly with/can turn to in an emergency, (and class as friends,) and that's it.

If someone is ghosting you @SnugShaker (and anyone else who thinks it's 'wrong,') there is very likely a good reason for it. People don't do this for nothing.

I ghosted someone after being diagnosed with cancer. She just avoided me and didn’t come to see me. I told her how hurt I was and we made up. Then the cancer came back and she avoided me again! Now I can’t be bothered. I thought she was narcissistic, avoiding discomfort, took no accountability, and rewrote the story in their own favour. I was extremely distressed by it all and decided I couldn’t have the stress in my life again. I’m still upset about the friendship, though.

I read it as though that poster thinks that in every case of ghosting, the person on the receiving end has always been told about their behaviour and chooses not to listen. Which of course isn’t true

A mutual friend has mentioned being ghosted by another couple who are renowned for being serial ghosters. They think that no one knows but everyone talks. They like the free holidays and perks of their 'current' friends then move on. My friend was very hurt and shocked, I have told her and she feels a bit better about her situation now.

"It doesn’t happen. They’ve been told. They’ve been told. They choose to not listen."

What is this ^ comment @Riaanna? What is it supposed to mean? Can you explain it?

Geez @Enigma53 some people are just on broadcast and not receive! Not an ounce of humanity (or self awareness). Absolutely 100% reason to kick someone to the kerb. Sending you good wishes.

Thanks. Yes I feel quite angry. At first opportunity she would talk about her holidays with her new man and her amazing new life. Whilst I did not begrudge her that, when a person is about to undergo major surgery, for cancer, knowing there is more treatment to come, I really didn’t want to hear how amazing her life was ( at that time) But it was either that, or she ghosted me. So I phased it out myself ( too hurtful otherwise) .