Kids parties and present value should be about the same as party cost?

A gift is normally 10-20 here no matter if it's in your garden or at softplay. One kid came without gift and one with a 50£ bill. I was more embarrassed about the latter because it was way too much. I quickly gave the one without gift a bag of sweets to give ds and nobody noticed and DS was as happy for the sweets as the 50£- bless him.

£10 or slightly less if I could find something nice on a deal.

So if the party was a picnic in the park, how much would you spend on the present?

I do this when my DC attend parties, but have no expectation regarding the gifts they receive when I’m hosting.

Precisely. Honestly DS just loved opening them and absolutely did not feel like the cheaper gifts were lesser (or even crossed his mind to think about the monetary cost), I wasn't bothered either. I don't feel like the party thrower should have an expectation for a gift to x value in mind when they invite children.

I honestly wouldn’t mind if someone got my child a £1 bag of sweets if anything I’d assume the child had chosen them and I’d just be happy they had turned up to my child’s party to celebrate the birthday x

No. Same for weddings too, no.

I am not focussed on reciprocity.

I host a party of my choosing. If a guest chooses to give a gift - lovely. I don't sit there questioning whether someones has spent the £17.50 required to cover the party cost per head!!

Meeting basic cost is the " rule of thumb". Life is competitive and when all guests gifts are compared some look mean and some look generous. Giving under the basic costs regularly causes social exclusion by a group. Have been shocked to witness this but it happens

This makes me sad. Imagine teaching your child that only friends with wealthy parents deserve a nice present from you.
We've spent lots of money on parties but in part it's because DS is a Feb baby. I'd totally have a party in the park if he was summer born. That wouldn't even be to save the money but because the kids would likely have a great time. Isn't that what this is all about!
I would hate to think that the fact that we hosted an expensive party stopped any friend from attending, because of gift expectation. I want my son to have the best birthday - gifts don't really matter, if all his friends are there.

I have never heard of this for weddings either!
No kids party presents I would never spend more than £20, probably normally closer to £10. Personally I would much rather someone spent £5 on something they know DD will like than £50 on something that’s hit or miss

The host chooses the party and the price. If someone invites my child to a party they get all get similar value gift. I dont get cheaper gifts for cheaper parties that seems very tight.

Never heard of that “rule of thumb.”
The host plans and pays for a party within their budget, be that a picnic in their back garden or soft play or some fantastic all singing all dancing event.
And the guest brings a present at a cost tney find suitable/can afford.
I don’t think it needs to be like-for-like. A children’s party shouldn’t need to feel so transactional.

No! I hate this. It's like modern weddings - so transactional! If you want to throw a party/wedding, do whatever you like at a budget you can afford. Expect zero gifts.
And if you are an attendee, only give a present that you can afford.
Trying to work out how much you "should" give to cover the cost is just awful, and removes all the joy. Please, people, make it stop.

YABU and weird too! Who "told" you and why is it a "rule" that nobody else seems to have heard of? 😆

Nonsense. We usually pay about £10-25 for a present and we live in quite an affluent area with DC currently at private school. We've hosted in the garden because we had a list of 15 children DC wanted to invite. Still cost money. Granted, not as much as his friend's party at £45 per child at the trampoline park,...but still.
Parents here usually put together an Amazon wishlist and presents range from £5-£20, so you can just pick something or get a different present from somewhere else. Putting money in a card isn't a done thing here at all, though. One mum collects money through PayPal beforehand and then gets one big present for her DC. That's fine as well.
Perhaps you should try that and say the party is the present, if you need help financing your party idea.

And imagine if a kid has a party at home because their parents can’t afford soft play- do you not bother with a present at all??

I hate the thing my Irish family do too- the “cover your plate” at weddings.

Oh god- I hate tally keeping. A party should be what the parents can afford/want to spend. So should the present.

Definitely no rule. Buuuut I guess in reality there is a slight link in my mind, when choosing which gifts to buy (I don't think about it in terms of which ones my children receive though). It's more about size and/or effort of party than cost, though, and often how close my child is to the birthday child has an effect too.

For while class parties, and especially in Reception where there were loads of them, the gifts tended to be cheaper and often bought in bulk in advance. You know the kid is getting approx 30 presents, don't necessarily know them that well, £5-10 present usually chosen. If it's a handful of kids doing an activity, then I'm aware that they don't have a huge amount of gifts from the party, so I'm more relaxed on budget. They also tend to be closer friends.

Is this an extension of the American thing of your gift for a wedding should be the cost of your meal x however many people in your family were invited? If so it's a fucking bonkers thing.

Most kids just want to have a party with their friends. They don't actually care what presents they get, they just want the fun times with their friends. 10-20 is the spend round here with the higher amount reserved for best friends.

Calculating that probably sucks a lot of the joy out of hosting and out of giving gifts. When we invite people to parties, it's because we want to spend time with them. No present expected. When we give gifts, we find something we think the recipient will like, regardless of whether we're going to a fancy soirée or a playdate in a garden. The important bit is celebrating together.

I would be happy that kids want to come to my child's bday party! I would be heartbroken if a mum or dad didn't let their kid come as they didn't have enough money for a present! I tell my kids the presents are a bonus, it's the parties and fun that count. I also spend exactly the same on every kids bday present. Been to lots of different parties, pool, Clip climb go karting etc. all the bday kids get same amount. I still remember when I was a kid being late for a party (10mins)! And so I wasn't allowed a party bag was only 4yrs old. Don't be that person!

😂😂😂

This sounds a bit like that naff & vulgar American dictum that a wedding guest should "cover their plate"| in terns of the gift given (or more rather the cash asked for). It's nasty - if you can't afford to host without any recompense, don't host. Cut your coat according to your cloth, as they say ...