DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

I wish my ex done this for me, he does nothing doesn't even pay for his.
You've got a good man there, he's done nothing wrong.

Sorry if I missed it but the note with the flowers was from him or from DSD?

Also, why are you often left with all three children? Doesn’t sound very fair on you plus makes his DD’s contact time fairly pointless.

My SIL brought my Ex SILs mother's day present this year. I think it's nice of him. I think what would be even nicer would be to involve his child in the gift giving. My girls are much younger and they pick our gifts. Thet are taken to the shop with a budget and chose their own cards and gifts. They might be random but they are from the children.

I don't think he should obviously have run it past her first. I don't think that makes me a manpanderer.

"Manpanderers" is so ridiculous, I am about as far from that as you can be and saying he did the right thing here doesn't make me one.

There is clearly more going on which the OP has hinted at but not shared.

People perpetuating the idea of rivalry & hatred between current and ex partners/wives are not being helpful either.

She doesn't have to put up with that. She's choosing to.

All she has to say is no!

Also, it's not that black and white, is it?!

Nope, in the real world, second wives should behave like adults.

The child in question is only 10. The adult in this scenario needs to understand that another mother came before her.

I cannot imagine being butt hurt over some flowers on mothers day.

Why are so many women so immature and lacking in fostering, encouraging and modelling healthy relationships within blended families?

If it’s not the ‘new’ girlfriend being an insecure, jealous knob, it’s the ‘old’ one.

For once, there’s a bloke trying to do the right, healthy thing for his kids and lo and behold one of the women involved has to question and challenge it.

I understand your upset.
I get on great with my ex but I'm really careful to not buy them the kind of gifts that I'd get my partner or that are in anyway romantic. Flowers seem romantic but obviously they arent at all because it was mothers day but I can see why your visceral reaction would be upset. I would definitely have let you know I was doing this before hand.

It's great they get on and he's respectful of her at a mum, shows he's a great person who does what's best for his kid and doesn't turn into a monster just because the relationship ended.

Birthdays, valentine, Christmas you should be treated differently but I can see why he might treat you both the same on mother's day. Perhaps have a very gently conversation asking him to keep you in the picture in the future, that way , while you are both equally 'mothers', you're special status as his 'partner' is reinforced.

Doing “everything together” is very unhealthy.

You are your own people, with your own personality’s and independence.

Your husband doesn’t need to give you a “heads up” before buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day. If my spouse was upset I hadn’t given them a “heads up” before buying a bunch of flowers for my child’s other parent I’d tell them to get a grip.

You obviously resent your SC. Which is incredibly sad. Have you spoken about your feelings with a therapist?

I voted YABU, as I would personally prefer the sort of man who does this. However, I agree it would be better if done openly. How did you find out OP?

Manpanderers? Jesus wept. I buy my ex husband a birthday gift and father's day presents from my son. What does that make me? My DP doesn't care one jot, because he's not an insecure melt

How is he a good father when he regularly leaves OP to look after all the children? His child is there to see him not the OP.

Decent human beings do not leave their child to the SM to regularly look after with already limited contact time.

No, you should get far superior flowers and her just a few dandelions ripped out of the lawn 🙄

How anyone could be pissed off at DH for attempting to be a good father is beyond me.

I think it’s the right thing to do. My ex abused me horribly, I still facilitate my 8 and 6yo buying Father’s Day gifts and cards. I will do until they’re older.

He doesn’t even get them to make me a card. Let alone buy one, it stings a little I won’t lie. Doesn’t feel nice to be so unappreciated. And it upsets our children greatly.

But something tells me this isn’t about the flowers, there’s bigger issues at play. Why are you looking after his children without any thanks?

Agreed. I wouldn’t be pleased if my DH bought an XW the exact same bouquet as he did for me.

Reason 6846 why I refused to date men with children when I was single—there isn’t a clean break with the XW like there is with XGFs with no shared children.

Decent men do not swan off regularly during contact time and leave their child with the SM.

Op, this isn’t about you and her being equal in his eyes or emotions. It’s about you being equally loved by your children.

Does it come with her being regularly left with all the children while he swans off?

He was quite right to send the mothers of all his children flowers on mother's day.

Sends a good message to the kids.

I assume they were on his daughter's behalf, since a ten year old couldn't do it online and might not yet be able to go shopping by herself. (We don't know.)

He probably did a quick and straightforward buy two lots of flowers all at once thing. Hardly romantic, but got it done. Many here got sweet FA.

He should have told you he was sending flowers for her.

He didn't - because he knew how you'd react. It was presented as a simple done deal, rather than a 'shall I?' with conversations.

You chose a man with presumably a very young still dependent child. That comes with stuff.

I would actually tell him to if he did not automatically do this- she is the mother of his child

I think we have all worked out that this is not about the flowers.
OP, why don't you tell us what's really going on?

Yup! 2, 3 what's the difference?
🙄

Wondering how often he doesn't manage to see his oldest & what he's doing instead.

He wishes the ex a happy mothers day while getting his current wife to look after their child.