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Original poster

DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

286 replies

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

OP posts:
AroundTheMulberryBush · 06/04/2025 16:28

I don't know anything about him obviously but acknowledging the mother of their daughter on mothers day is the act of a good man.

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 16:26

OssieShowman · 06/04/2025 16:13

Be very proud of him.

Proud of a guy who keeps leaving the second wife to look after all the kids on her own while he swans off?

The bar really is low.

NoWayRose · 06/04/2025 16:24

Much rather this than a bloke who absconded from his first family without a glance back tbh

SALaw · 06/04/2025 16:23

@Goldyyupwhere does it say that?!

OssieShowman · 06/04/2025 16:13

Be very proud of him.

Sourgherkin · 06/04/2025 16:07

My ex bought me a £50 voucher for garden centre and a bunch of flowers!

Sourgherkin · 06/04/2025 16:06

He wanted to do it for the children’s sake

He didn’t tell you because he knew it would create drama

Daisy12Maisie · 06/04/2025 16:05

It’s the right thing to do.
My childrens dad does absolutely nothing for me and never has and it’s disrespectful considering I do 99% of the parenting. It’s not a big deal as the rest of his behaviour is even worse but with my current partner I checked he had got flowers and a card for his children to give to their mum. He is a decent person so had done it. If your partner hasn’t done something to help his children get something for their mum surely that shows he is a rubbish dad? Unless she specifically doesn’t want anything. So it’s a good thing he got her flowers

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 15:50

Roosch · 06/04/2025 13:33

Both flowers were posted (from him).
I appreciate the minority who would also have felt a twinge! I know mumsnet is usually hostile to stepmums.

Show quote history

The bar for men is very low sadly even from other women.

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 15:49

JustSawJohnny · 06/04/2025 14:54

She doesn't have to put up with that. She's choosing to.

All she has to say is no!

Also, it's not that black and white, is it?!

Show quote history

Yes she should but does he have no role? The child is there to see him but he is swanning off. What kind of father needs telling to spend time with their child? A crap one.

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 15:47

Mo819 · 06/04/2025 15:37

I personally would admire a man who treats the mother of his children with respect on mothers day especially if this mother is his ex . It's really important for children to see that there parents can be friends following a split good on him.

You admire a man who keep sleaving the second wife to look after all the kids on their own while they swan off?

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 15:47

SALaw · 06/04/2025 15:43

Sounds like a good man and father

Good men and fathers don't keep leaving the second wife to look after all the kids on their own while they swan off.

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 15:45

OliphantJones · 06/04/2025 14:49

Why are so many women so immature and lacking in fostering, encouraging and modelling healthy relationships within blended families?

If it’s not the ‘new’ girlfriend being an insecure, jealous knob, it’s the ‘old’ one.

For once, there’s a bloke trying to do the right, healthy thing for his kids and lo and behold one of the women involved has to question and challenge it.

It is not healthy for this bloke to keep dumping all three kids onto his second wife. This guy is immature, and lacking in fostering and modelling healthy relationships within blended families by swanning off and leaving OP with DSD regularly.

MesmerisingMuon · 06/04/2025 15:45

@Roosch wow what an amazing thoughtful DH you have.

He is doing this for his daughter, not his ex, so YABVU to even question this.

SALaw · 06/04/2025 15:43

Sounds like a good man and father

Thisisittheapocalypse · 06/04/2025 15:41

I think more divorced couples should be like Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving.

RedHelenB · 06/04/2025 15:41

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

Why would you need to know though?

RedHelenB · 06/04/2025 15:40

SusanStrat · 06/04/2025 12:02

I think it’s a credit to him that he did it - he’s modelling a positive co-parenting relationship to all his children.

This.

Mo819 · 06/04/2025 15:37

I personally would admire a man who treats the mother of his children with respect on mothers day especially if this mother is his ex . It's really important for children to see that there parents can be friends following a split good on him.

MummaMummaMumma · 06/04/2025 15:37

I don't see the issue. Shows he appreciates his child's mother, like he should.
It was for mother's day, not valentines.
Unless there is more to this that you haven't said?
Plenty of people split up but are still good friends, or even if they're not, can co parent well and appreciate what the other does.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 06/04/2025 15:32

I don't know how I would feel but my own DD is stepmum to lovely DC. They live with their mum and stay with DD and DSiL for the holidays. DD doesn't have any children of her own. On Mother's Day DSiL made a lovely post about the mums in his life - the DC's mum, his own mum, my DD and me as his mother in law. I thought it was a lovely way to include everyone. The DC are too young to do anything about Mother's Day themselves so I think it was appropriate for DSiL to acknowledge their mum.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 06/04/2025 15:31

TheGentleOpalMember · 06/04/2025 13:34

YANBU And this isn't about him 'treating the mothers the same way'. This isn't about his children. It would be different if he bought the flowers on behalf of the children to give to their mothers. Him giving flowers to her is all kinds of wrong imo.

I'd like to think that presumably he once loved her mother and they brought a child into the world together, so he wants to ensure she still feels celebrated on mother's day and helps his child out with facilitating that.

I wish more co-parents were more amicable. It's better for everyone involved. And if a new partner can't cope with a decent relationship with their partner's children, they should never have gotten involved in the first place.

JaneBoulton · 06/04/2025 15:31

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:40

Thanks to those that have been kind.
It’s just a small gesture but maybe I do need to look into why I’m feeling funny.

I think I would have preferred to be given the heads up because of the way he always says that we do everything together, I am his everything etc. I think I would have been pleased if told, but by not being told it does feel behind my back (just found out now).

I do feel it’s not possible to have the type of partnership he describes when there is a DSC involved.

But it's not behind your back as it doesn't involve you. Their joint kids aren't old enough to buy and pay for their own gifts, so it's a given, no?

imagine you and your partner splitting, and you getting a grand gesture of nothing on Mother's Day from kids you share.

he's done absolutely nothing wrong Behind your back would be telling you he's not doing it, then doing it. Or doing it and lying to you.

Ohbellayoubigtwat · 06/04/2025 15:24

Until ds was about 14/15 and sorted out his own card, exh would always chose flowers online with ds and have them sent to me. Same with Christmas and birthday cards and chocolate.

I did the same for exh. It’s just nice and a really postibe thing for children with divorced parents to see.

ETA - my husband also took ds to get me something. So yay, double gifts! My husband had no problem with exh choosing something for me from ds.

Lavenderflower · 06/04/2025 15:22

I think this shows that he is a thoughtful person. I think it is important to demonstrate an amicable relationship. In addition, his child is 10 - she needs someone to buy for gift on her behalf.