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Original poster

DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

286 replies

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

OP posts:
Daisysmummyf · 08/04/2025 08:39

My SD 15 got in touch with both of us for help getting her mum a Mother’s Day present. She had money but needed help on the day to go and collect her mums flowers etc so my husband went to take her on Mother’s Day. It’s important for all mums to be made aware of fuss of on Mother’s Day and it is harder for the kids with no dad at home to arrange things…. I think it’s nice.

TheHierophant · 08/04/2025 08:14

I'm horrified you wouldn't automatically applaud this basic courtesy extended to another Mother.

Feelinglost10 · 08/04/2025 00:10

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:49

Thanks for helping me get over it everyone.
Appreciate it!

Wish I could advise my younger self (and anyone considering it) against falling in love with single parents though.

Currently am looking after all 3 kids (often do) and I have never had any acknowledgment from DSD, and never met her mum (despite invitations).

Don’t feel weird about it. I left my ex once because I couldn’t handle the relationship with him and his baby mum anymore, it wasn’t a jealous thing I just felt too many personal boundaries where crossed as anything other than hi and bye and discussing then child for me is associating with your ex. wether it’s right or wrong I don’t care it’s how I FELT so I chose to leave rather than try and change it. X

TwinklySquid · 07/04/2025 23:08

If you ever broke up, wouldn’t you want the father of your children to remember Mother’s Day and do something nice?

You married someone with kids and that normally means a mum is around too. You won’t ever erase that.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 07/04/2025 22:49

When my DSC were younger I would often take them to the shop to buy their mum a bottle of wine and get them to pick some chocolates for her. We didn't get on particularly well or anything but she's their mother and didn't have a partner to support/kick the kids up the arse to make sure they got her something. Me and DH both tend to text them in the run up to mother's day to remind them to get her a card/give her a call etc as they are off at uni/travelling the world and likely to forget without a gentle nudge. So in essence no I don't think he was unreasonable at all.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 07/04/2025 22:48

When my DSC were younger I would often take them to the shop to buy their mum a bottle of wine and get them to pick some chocolates for her. We didn't get on particularly well or anything but she's their mother and didn't have a partner to support/kick the kids up the arse to make sure they got her something. Me and DH both tend to text them in the run up to mother's day to remind them to get her a card/give her a call etc as they are off at uni/travelling the world and likely to forget without a gentle nudge. So in essence no I don't think he was unreasonable at all.

Pessismistic · 07/04/2025 22:44

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

I would have expected more than her tbh you live with him she doesn’t yes I get he will buy a gift from his own kid but you are worth more.

Lavenderblue11 · 07/04/2025 21:59

Does his ex buy presents for your DH on Father's Day?

Icyboy · 07/04/2025 21:28

Your not being serious are you, are you, surely not?

Grow up!

JorgyPorgy · 07/04/2025 21:17

TheGentleOpalMember · 06/04/2025 13:34

YANBU And this isn't about him 'treating the mothers the same way'. This isn't about his children. It would be different if he bought the flowers on behalf of the children to give to their mothers. Him giving flowers to her is all kinds of wrong imo.

This 100% !!

WatchingTheClowns · 07/04/2025 21:09

My son buys something for Mother's Day for me, his ex (mum of his children) and his GF (from her kid but no kids with her). He's a good man.

OhcantthInkofaname · 07/04/2025 21:07

Good for him!

Onthelinetoday · 07/04/2025 20:22

Sounds like a very decent chap

steelingmyself · 07/04/2025 20:17

I agree it’s a good dad thing - nice for DSD. They aren’t really from him, the card if there was one would have been signed by his daughter.

Yayhelen · 07/04/2025 19:57

Reframe this is your head OP not he bought his ex flowers on Mother’s Day, but, he bought the mother of his child flowers on Mothers Day….

DSD is 10, perfectly reasonable I think 👍

Cornishclio · 07/04/2025 19:57

I think that is nice of him and not sure why you are annoyed/upset. He presumably bought them for his DD to give to her mum just as he bought some for you. If you marry a man who already had a family you have to expect his loyalties will be divided. His ex is his DDs mum so she will always be in his and your life. As his DD gets older she will no doubt sort Mother’s Day herself but at 10 she cannot.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2025 19:49

Plenty of single mums complaining that their ex never helps their kids get them something for Mother’s Day. I think he sounds like one of the good’uns.

Dawnb19 · 07/04/2025 19:34

Why wouldn't he buy her something for mother's day? They have a child together and it's mainly off his child. I'd think a lot less of my partner if he didn't get the mother of his child something.

MarvellousMonsters · 07/04/2025 19:30

AndImBrit · 06/04/2025 12:01

I’d be disappointed if he didn’t do this. It’s not wives day, and both mothers of his children should be celebrated equally by him, until his children are old enough to do it independently (and 10 isn’t old enough to fund and buy flowers by herself).

Exactly this.

I’d be more unhappy if he didn’t help his older child get her mother something.

Pinkissmart · 07/04/2025 19:11

JustMyView13 · 06/04/2025 12:07

Green flags!
Green flags, everywhere!!
They’re not from him, they’re from DSD. As her dad, it’s his job to facilitate his daughter’s gratitude for her mother whilst she is absent of her own income.
Co-parenting done right.

Yes!!!

Wildefish · 07/04/2025 19:08

I had 3 children with my ex and he always bought me flowers on Mother’s Day. He also bought me flowers on my birthday(same day as his, same year) right up until I married again 20 years after we divorced. Not sure what his wife thought.

Whyamiherenow · 07/04/2025 18:36

I think it depends on your relationship. I have a good relationship with DH ex wife and they have dd of a similar age to your dsd. We do take his little girl shopping to pick a gift for her mummy. But it is a gift from her although we pay. Oftentimes for logistical reasons I do this. She also sends things for our son for Easter etc.

it is a good co parenting relationship.

I don’t begrudge providing holiday care for DSD either.

but not every relationship works that way. It sounds you have not met her mum which doesn’t seem like a good relationship.

he should have given you a heads up.

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/04/2025 06:10

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 20:24

Why didn’t he just get a box of chocs and give to child to give to their mum on Mother’s Day? He doesn’t need to be spending money on sending flowers on most expensive day of year to his ex.

Show quote history

Are you the money police or something?

winter8090 · 07/04/2025 06:09

He didn’t buy her flowers. He bought flowers so DSD could give them to her mum for Mother’s Day.
Theres a world of difference there.
My ex did it for 10+ years. The grown up children now do it themselves because he modelled this behaviour for them.

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/04/2025 06:08

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 21:04

I think it’s a nice thing to give kid some money and if the kid is too young, take them to buy flowers / chocs
But on a related note , Mother’s Day is traditionally flowers / choc I think, it’s another thing that’s just become commercialised so that now it’s become “ a decent gift” apparently.
And I think ex husbands certainly don’t need to be paying for anything more than a gesture for their ex wife on behalf of their kid. It just seems weird to me. Perhaps it’s just me!

Show quote history

It’s just you or maybe you don’t have an ex husband or maybe you’re married to an exhusband? Why do you need to highlight the “ex” bit? Why not just all Dads?!
My son actually brought me a jigsaw puzzle with the money which I think is lovely and it was his idea. I don’t eat chocolate and my daughter brought me flowers.