DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

OP, you seem upset he didn’t run this by you first. I think running it by you first would have spoiled the surprise for you- suddenly discussing mother’s day flowers gives the game away, no? It would be awkward and I wouldn’t have thought it necessary.

I think the best thing you can do is to be pleased you chose a good man who shows it in his deeds. Don’t nitpick and look for fault when there isn’t any.

If you are unhappy with the certain aspects of your family set up, you should address them head on.

Finally, you cannot expect a 10 year old child to be grateful for your contribution to their care. They don’t have the maturity or perspective to understand. Gratitude comes much later. For now, being cared for by the adults around them is basically the order of things.

They were both to blame for the pregnancy, he should've used a condom. Any adult knows that there is a chance of pregnancy, no matter how small, unless the woman has had a hysterectomy. And regardless of if you felt you loved one another instantly, he was feckless in getting another woman pregnant so quickly, it was very irresponsible. He took a chance and taking a chance isn't really good enough when deciding to bring a baby into the world.

Anyway we'll have to agree to disagree. Have a good night.

I was settling my baby so that probs didn’t English lol. There’s no right or wrong time it was well over a year they had broken up before we got together, she wasn’t in his life for the first year or so, that was her choice. I think he saw her once in that time and she had to be there in a public space as if he was pedo. She took him to child maintenance and took anything spare he had to support them but could not see his baby. We started a family weather you feel it was right or not for us he wasnt involved in her life no fault of his own. But we are content now other than the too nicey with her because he’s worried she’ll take her away from him. She’s already moved an hour away and makes me do all the trips and hour there and an hour back and and hour there and hour back home on weekends

she said she couldn’t get pregnant because of her “diabetes” etc so she was to blame? Me and him loved eachother instantly we just never felt that way and we’ve been together ever since and gotten married and had another. She trapped him. We met through friends and wasn’t searching for anything. But time doesn’t matter we don’t know if we’re gonna be here tomorrow or even next year? They weren’t married they both called it off and hated eachother but he tried to be in commutation Til the daughter was here and she controlled everything.

Because he hadn't known you long enough at the time you got pregnant to know whether or not this relationship was going to work out. So he was potentially bringing yet another child into the world after a very short period of time with the next woman, which had the potential of leaving yet another child without a father. If he was a responsible man then he would've waited and been very careful about not impregnating someone else so quickly. He would've waited to see if it was a relationship that was going to go the distance before creating yet another child.

Too many people create children willy nilly with the current partner. Of course no one knows if any relationship is going to last forever, or even be long term, but there should at least be some sort of due diligence on his part, both partners parts actually, to at least try and ensure that they're bringing a child into a stable family unit.

But why? Because they weren’t together for a long time? I know what you’re saying but this was her control they weren’t even together longer than 2 months before she fell pregnant and you know it’s great otherwise his daughter wouldn’t of existed but why can’t he start a family of his own? Because he has one then gets pushed out because she wants “control”? She’s very money orrientated never worked a day in her life and smothered in tattoos fancy car and new build given by the council. At the time my partner had a good paying job and obviously his money a month was very “convenient” what I’m trying to get at this is what she was like. But an accident or not having another child shouldn’t stop you from starting a family with someone else. When we found eachother he had nothing no relationship with his daughter or anything. I think it’s needs to be normalised what the original post said that it’s not okay to gift the ex if the partner isn’t happy with it? In my case he didn’t need to give her roses. Like the guy gave his child the same present as his wife. It’s disrespectful. If it was the other way round I’m sure they wouldn’t like it either. It’s a nice gesture but in a relationship you both agree/compromise to things like this.

She's to blame for being vile but he's to blame for being feckless and fathering a baby with one woman right after he's fathered another baby with a different woman.

I think in this case I don’t blame him but because she’s been so vile. Getting herself pregnant and having that control he never went to her sports days, parents evening birth certificate etc.. she never included him only her new partner. So to him being too nice to try and please her does more damage to his “other family” which is me and the kids. Does whatever she wants or says just to have a relationship with her. It’s not always poor mums. I’m not condoning what he’s done is right either but some bio mums love to be in this control and give limited time.

My exH buys flowers and gifts for DS10 to give me. I do the same for him too. For context, exH left me for another woman and I was devastated but that’s not DS’s fault. These things are so important to do for the kids, don’t underestimate it.

Ok that's wrong of her to have done that but it doesn't make him a saint. He still shouldn't have went and got someone else pregnant very quickly when his first daughter had just been born. It's feckless behaviour from a feckless man. Like I say, I've been treated similarly by my ex who did something like this. These men are just awful.

she said she couldn’t get pregnant then did and purposely didn’t put him on the birth certificate so no she took a lot of first away from me. Too I couldn’t announce mine anywhere and always asked her permission which obviously hurts me more

I hope he's now your ex husband! He sounds like a self serving horror. Getting one woman pregnant then months later another woman pregnant? And then probably didn't want to walk away because he'd then be the man who had walked away from two women with young babies so he just stayed, yet was still contacting the ex all the time, sending flowers etc? Where do we find these men? And I include myself in that sadly.

I’d be more than happy.

it sounds pretty well adjusted.

@Roosch how was your matching energy of FD to MD received?

so my husband did this behind my back when his ex had a baby with her new partner.

i never knew until she told me and said it was weird. I was fuming and to top it off I didn’t get any when I pushed our recent child out. For reference he has a 6 year old daughter with her. And we share a 5 year old and 9month old.

They never had a great relationship they were together 2 months she fell pregnant and he never wanted to be with her he broke up with her before she gave birth. She didn’t put him on the birth certificate etc.
so their relationship was never close he never liked her. But when we started dating he wasn’t in his daughter’s life as her mum didn’t want too? But when he started to get more involved he was texting his ex at all hours and not even about his kid. And then got her flowers and I was absolutely livid! When she told me.
I guess it depends on how close they are but in my position there was no need and I set boundary’s and felt so disrespected. He says he done it to be nice and I guess to try and keep his daughter in her life. Which I understood but after talking to him made him realise you can be nice but that’s too nice the fact he hid he knew he shouldn’t off. And I think maybe he was in shock she told me.

Shortly. Yes. Although in this house it we me as SS13 step mother that orders the flowers (because I sorted my mums and DH mums and delivery of them all at the same time). DH and I also took SD to choose the card!

SS, quite rightly, loves his Mother and if I love him why the heck would I not support that?

Do we all always see eye to eye, no. I have never been able to understand why there need to be spats in the process of this relationship or why one party needs to try and get one up on the other. Having been part of this for 11 years I entered this determined never to involve the kids and I never have.

we get his half brother and half sister gifts for Easter, Birthdays and Christmas. As well as his mum for her Birthday and Christmas (and his Nan now that’s where he lives since she left the other children’s father).

I will not be a sh*t person just to make some silly point. I am also not a step parent that expects anything for Mothers Day though… I love and care for SS, but I respect the boundary that he has a loving and engaged mother in his life.

I did also get a very nice message from her to thank me.

I’m not a step parent, nor involved in any kind of blended family situation but I think you should try to see this in a positive light. Regardless of how his past relationship broke down and that he is now happily married to you I think that it is ok for him to spend a moment to acknowledge or appreciate his ex partner as the mother of his first child.

I can also understand the sting of whatever negative emotion you felt when you found out about it.

Ultimately, it is in his child’s best interest that he is able to maintain a positive attitude towards their other parent.

And, you never know, one day you may be the ex wife that he can still find a moment to appreciate you as the mother of his children.

Nah, I'm with you, OP. He shouldn't have bought you both literally the same flowers. This is his ex.

I'm all for him helping DSD get something for her mum, but it shouldn't be the same gift and should definitely come 'from DSD'.

He bought them for his daughter to give, surely? Nice thought, considerate man.

Your jealousy towards your stepdaughter is the problem here. And it's not OK. For her sake you need to do something about that.

I understand your feelings, I would likely feel the same way. Many of the negative comments probably come from single or divorced mothers who would appreciate receiving flowers. His daughter is 10 years old and fully capable of celebrating Mother's Day. It doesn’t take money to do that; even a lovely homemade card would be sufficient. He could have helped his daughter create one.

My ex buys me presents from our son for mothers day, my birthday and Christmas and I do the same for him on his days.........

Because our son loves us both and isn't capable of getting those things without the support of the other parent

It was mothers day, she is mother to one of his children

God, I wish I had a rapport like that with my ex husband.
It would be such a heathy and wholesome thing for our kids to see.

I’d object if they didn’t have kids! But it’s a lovely co-parenting gesture.