Dumped my boyfriend after a year because he kept fetish secret

You've done the right thing - you're sexually incompatible and I'd probably be pissed off too that he's waited a year to tell you this!

First of all, there is NOTHNG WRONG WITH BEING JUDGEMENTAL. Only rapey people and people who are up to no good at all push the don't judge me line.

Every single person in the whole world judges all the time, you are judging me for this, I have judged you for your post. We judge, all of us, to stay safe.

So DO be judgemental, it's your right and you must do so to stay safe. Your ancestors being judgemental - using their judgement - is the reason you exist today.

Judging doesn't mean that we gossip or try to set out to hurt someone, of course, it just means we use our judgement and make our own choices and have our own boundaries. As is our right.

When it comes to sex, you do not need any reasons at all beyond I don't want to. Anyone who tells you otherwise is coercive and abusive.

You have every right to not want any part of his fetish. Rapey people will try to tell you that's vanilla, or prudish or (insert slur/insult).

Vanilla just means healthy sex that you enjoy, so don't let anybody coerce you with that sort of language.

This isn't a big red flag fetish, I suppose, but it would be a total turn off for me too and you have a right to enjoy your sex life without feeling coerced or turned off.

And you are absolutely correct, if he is still wanting this after a year of being without it, he will always want it.

Or maybe he hasn't been without it for a year? Maybe he's been getting this somewhere else, or is a porn addict, or - well maybe lots of things that might have been going on to feed this fetish, since it hasn't been going on in your bedroom.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. You're right, he wasted your time and should have been upfront about it. But at least you got out before he trapped you with kids and a mortgage.

(Sorry for quoting, was an accident)

You’ve definitely done the right thing and it’s a bit rich for him to be devastated. Cheeky sod.

Yes, if you don't want to do this with him. But I wouldn't be furious he witheld it from you. He clearly sensed it might not be your thing and was probably hoping to build a close rapport with you before sharing his desires.

The things of which he speaks are actually fairly common. Lots of men are into 'pegging'. (I think?!)

But it doesn't mean you have to stay with him. Just move on and you'll find someone more suitable in terms of sexual interests.

He was trying to bribe you into doing something you are not comfortable with and you have called his bluff. Well done for not being bullied into it

I don't think you're right to be pissed off with him.

This is what dating is for, getting to know each other and getting comfortable enough to share things.

You are right to end things though as you've found out you aren't sexually compatible.

I think you have done the right thing.

I agree if that's his sexual preference he will either pressurise you in the future or he will get his fetish satisfied elsewhere and keep it secret from you.

Annoying he didn't discuss this with you earlier in your relationship but better to have found out now.