Am I greedy, or was my friend out of order?

If this was Take A Break we'd be in for the twist ending, where it turns out dessert isn't all Milly helps herself to. The title would be something like "Love Rat Hubby Bonked My Best Friend!"

“So-called Friend Scoffed My Cheesecake - Then Snaffled My Man Too!”

Yes in adults! Not necessarily about ordering desert but yes. - crying to manipulate a situation / play the victim / illicit sympathy / appear vulnerable in a situation / I could go on (but that would need a new post). 🙄

And yeah, if she was banging on about how good something looked, the proper response is to say "Yeah, it's really good, why don't you order one? Grab the waitress next time she goes past."

What assertive adult gives in to another adult behaving like a kid? Come on, OP, get some backbone next time.

Yes. In this context, the friend was ignorant of etiquette.

Agreed. A sharing plate for a couple is one thing...but a friend randomly deciding to stick her spoon in there? Yeeeeeesh!

Just read the rest of your updates. The group sounds like they are still at school. She woould cry and others in the group would need to console her? 😆More fool them. It just needs others in the group to tell her to get a grip. The more people console her when she's manipulative the more people manipulative she will be. She'll always be the cause of problems in the group. Don't treat her like a child and maybe she will grow up...

She is clueless when it comes to other peoples feelings

But sensitive around her own, I think you said - quelle surprise

A quiet "No, this one's for OH and me" would have done it (no need for nastinesss) but if you're not prepared to say anything you'll just have to accept this will continue

What do you think would have happened if you had just completely ignored all her hints?

In adults??? I mean, in what universe it it usual for a grown adult to cry when someone says ‘You’ll need to order your own desert, Brenda’?

Jeez, where are people's communication skills these days? Does no-one talk about what desserts they're ordering when the menu comes?

I don't understand how this would happen.

Usual scenario would be:

Various people talking to group:

"I'm not having a dessert, I don't think."

"Ooh, look what they've got. i'm going to have the cheesecake."

"I can't manage a whole portion though. DH, they do a sharing plate, shall we get that between us?"
DH: "Ok, yeah, good idea."

Quite clear to all.

Sadly, a common go to behavioural response in my experience!🙄

I really didn't want to deal with her crying - which very likely would have happened if she was called out even in the nicest way

Yes, what is it with these 'tears' from the instigator? Always blameless. 🙄
I notice this pattern of behaviour all the time.

Yes it does

If this was Take A Break we'd be in for the twist ending, where it turns out dessert isn't all Milly helps herself to. The title would be something like "Love Rat Hubby Bonked My Best Friend!"

On the next page would be a crochet pattern and a grim story about someone's "Evil Dad" sexually abusing them. The sort of thing TAB thinks is perfect reading fodder to enjoy with a cup of tea and a biscuit, for some reason 🤔

I would let her cry. The only person she would be embarrassing is herself.

"If you like banoffee so much, call the waitress over and order one. I like banoffee too, which is why I don't want to give you mine."

I'd have said, in a light hearted way:

'Hey, no sharing here....this is mine and mine alone...order your own!' Big smile and hopefully end of.

She got to the dessert when I move the plate for her to have some of the strawberry cheesecake (that DH & I weren't fond of).

When did she ask for the extra spoon? Had desserts already been brought out and she heard you comment that you don't like cheesecake?

It seems to me from this update she asked for an extra spoon and you then offered her your dessert as you had to move it to her. In which case this is on you and your DH. Surely even she wouldn't have leant across and just waved the spoon towards the dessert to get at it.

I'm guessing Milly is one of those silly vain women who never orders a dessert for herself, because she worries it would look greedy to eat the whole thing. But she does actually want dessert, and gets around this by letting herself have a 'cheeky taste' of someone else's. The cheeky taste then ends up being half the slice.

If you seem unhappy, she'll then make some comment about how big the portion is and how no-one could possibly eat all that, etc etc, subtly making sure that you will feel like a greedy porker and question yourself if you complain.

In this situation I would either laugh and say "Hands off!' or "Get your own!" in a joking (but not so joking) way, or feign confusion and call the waiter back. "My friend changed her mind - she'd love a banoffee pie, actually". And then dig into your own right there on the spot. "It's great, you should get one." If she tries to say she only wanted a bit of yours, laugh it off again and remind her you're already sharing with DH. If she still pushes, stick to the faux stupid act. "But this is our dessert. We're sharing it."

The key is to sound utterly baffled by her behaviour, until she clues into how awkward she's being and stops.

Don't you realise that a word can have more than one meaning?

You're the ignorant one. It has more than one meaning and also means rude.
Look it up in the dictionary.

I would have said “It’s not too late to order your own. This is ours.”

Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert

What the actual fuck! Cheeky fucker! You were too shocked at the time to say this, but that deserved a 'Errm...no. Not into ours you won't be!' response!

Keep a distance from people like this. It says a lot about them. They generally don't respect boundaries and usually manipulate or guilt trip people into getting what they want, even if it's unreasonable.

I bet she is totally one of those sorts who absolutely could not eat any more because she has already had an almond and 2 leaves of lettuce today, but happily tucks in to other people’s food.

My mum is like this, very weird about food, very eye rolly if a friend were to order a pudding and will make comments, but will shovel in anything they’ve left on their plate and a whole packet of biscuits when she gets home, but just cannot believe that Sally could possibly have ordered a pudding, no wonder she’s so fat. 🙄