To be terrified of being a MIL one day?!

Not worried at all.

I’m pretty laidback and don’t expect to be the centre of my children’s universe or a matriarch. When they need me, I’m here when able and that goes for whomever they choose as a partner. I’m also not bothered about being a grandparent so won’t be asking about children and definitely no guilt tripping about how they spend their time.

I get on with my MIL. Are we close, no, but we have a level of respect that I’m content with. Would I have liked a mil that I was close to, yes, but that simply didn’t happen and that’s ok.

Hi op we get a post like this every few months.do you ever read the posts because ,usually it comes down to a man who has a unreasonable usually unhinged jealous demanding mum, he cant say no too. So his wife starts to suffer with mils in reach and her husband can't defend her abs stop mum. She's stuck between wanting too defend herself and yet being polite she not wanting to upset her husband.
Where as husband and mum don't seem to care

I like my MIL, she has her bonkers moments but don't we all!

I think it's really important to develop a family culture where it's not all about seeing the maternal side of the family. But women are usually more proactive so some men just don't make enough effort with their side of the family. You also get people coming on mumsnet to say "oh I don't want my mother in law to visit for a month after the baby is born" but their mum is there every day. You wonder how they might feel in thirty years being the mother in law in this situation. So model to your son both sides being important!

I'm nowhere near MiL times, but my 16yo has a girlfriend, and she talks to me more than my son does 😂

It's doesn't have to be a horrible relationship.

I have a teen DS and yes I worry about it.

I've not had great experiences with ILs. My exMIL insisted on having a key for our house, would walk into our bedroom without knocking at 6am, demanded to choose our crockery and curtains and wanted to come on holiday with us. She kept helping herself to my clothes. She even had a shared bank account with her son. She eventually drove us apart.

Years later I had DS with my then partner. His 23yo daughter took an instant dislike to me and made my life hell.

Since then DS & I have lived perfectly happily, just the two of us. We get on fine. He's now a teen and will head off to university soon. I will miss him terribly but he needs to 'fly the nest'.

I've avoided relationships since the last shit show. People are just too nasty and complicated to make it worthwhile.

I dread him choosing someone who tries to isolate him from me. But he's entitled to make his own choice. I'd hate to lose contact completely. 🙁

I wouldn't worry at all , if you are a normal , decent , self aware and kind person I think you should be absolutely fine. It's these manipulative, self serving , jealous, controlling one's that I think most people who can't stand their MILs are on about.

My MIL is amazing. For the first time in nearly 30 years we live within a couple of hours of her. My in laws and my parents holiday together and both sides of the family celebrate big holidays together.

These boards aren’t representative of MILs I don’t think - it’s disproportionately people coming on to complain about them, it would be odd for me to create a new thread just to state how great my MIL is.

I am too, and am just getting a taste of the role! DS currently lives with us, and has a girlfriend who he stays with. I’m not really bothered but do prefer to know the schedule for meals etc!

It’s disconcerting when they make plans and don’t share them, as when we come to make plans they no longer work out as we imagined- we’d been intending a family trip to a big attraction and I suggested she join us, but it turns out they’re already booked.

She’s also not ready to meet us, which means he does all the running/driving based on where she lives. Sometimes it would be more practical for them to start from here. Of course she’s a huge part of his life, and it feels weird to not know her.

I’m also panic stricken as she is very brand conscious and quality conscious. I’m feeling totally insecure and at risk of judgment for my distinctly unbranded lifestyle 🤣 I feel the need to totally redecorate and scrub from top to bottom 😱😅!

I am resolutely repeating, ‘don’t be like that, Myplace, get a grip!’.

I am self aware and hope to goodness I manage to get my grip firmly in place in plenty of time!

Yes! 2 sons here. My MIL only has boys too and she's fantastic so I'm planning to copy what she's done in the future 🙈

OP, it’s not just a matter of how reasonable you are, it also depends on how close your DIL is to her own mother. I have a delightful DIL, but I don’t see her that often because she has her own mother with whom she is very close - and we live on the opposite side of the country from my son and his family. There are lots of things that come into the MIL - DIL relationship, and I think all you can do is try to be accommodating, bite your lip over parenting that is perhaps not what you would have done, and enjoy the DGC when they come along.

My MIL and FIL were and are fab. It takes time to build a relationship and sometimes you need to move on from things, but to be honest we had a great relationship and miss her being around.

If it helps my Dds seem to like their Mils and I've not heard Dds say anything negative about them. I also quite liked my late Mil she was a fantastic gran and never over stepped.

Some of the awful Mil stories you read on here the Mils don't sound that bad and it's mountain out of molehill issues.

No, not at all. But then I have a great relationship with my MIL as does SIL with my mum.

Nightmare MILs are not the norm, but what would be the point in a thread that is "my MIL is nice and normal and we get along fine"? Of course you only see threads where there are problems.

I’m really looking forward to being a MIL

I’ve learned from the best about what not to do

I love my MIL - even before DC I would go and see her for a cuppa or shopping if my DH was at work, there is hope LOL

No, not really. People generally only post on here when there's an issue so it doesn't really represent what happens in real life. My mum has never had an issue with her daughters in law. My mil was difficult but it's not like it blew up into a big drama, we still saw her regularly.
I would say it's rare amongst my friends and family to have real big, cut them off style drama with the in laws.

I had the best MIL. Bonkers and eccentric but kind, supportive and thought I was great. Her and fil showed me that loving your kids and grandkids equally and being their biggest cheerleaders was the way to go.
I've got daughters but apply the same principle to their partners and kids.

I’m pretty laid back and very aware not to over step, in any situation. I don’t take offence easily, and I respect that my adult DC are individuals in their own right, and I have no control over decisions they take once they are adults. DS2 has a GF of 2.5yrs, and she is lovely. But yes. There is a lot of MIL hatred. I have a busy life, and won’t be sad if they don’t visit enough as I have a busy career and lots of friends. No expectations of monthly visits or if they want to change their name!!

i get on ok with mine but that’s for my husband her and fil are just not nice people. This isn’t just towards me but anything that doesn’t fit with their views of how things should be. Yet my auntie treats her dil like a second daughter and they show a lot of love towards each other.
i think if you are a decent person and treat you ds and any future partner well you will be fine.

My dd thinks she will stay with her current bf and eventually marry him. If she does, her MIL will be bloody wonderful...dd and I both think she's fab!

ETA that my own MIL was wonderful too, but sadly died years ago. 😥

I have 2 lovely MILs (DH parents divorced). My mum died not long ago and his mum has been so supportive and lovely. She’s so thoughtful and kind. Stepmum equally as lovely and we probably have more in common and have a laugh together, she’s not motherly but like spending time with her just as much.

I have 2 amazing DDiL and adore them. One thinks more of me than her own Mum (but then I’ve never abused her).
One of my DS has a gf from hell but I still wouldn’t dream of treating her badly, when I see her.

My PIL were both great, always nice to me, welcoming etc but without being pushy or demanding.

The very nature of posting means that you only see problems with MILs on here. People post for advice or to vent, not just to say how lovely family members are.

My ex-MIL is LOVELY. I've been divorced over 10 years but I'm still on really good terms with my ex-MIL and we meet up regularly. She's super lovely (unlike her idiot son) and I want to keep her in my life as well as my daughter's life.