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Original poster

Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

368 replies

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:07

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

OP posts:
stardustbiscuits · 06/04/2025 07:33

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:24

I came of birth control for a number of reasons some being medical and he was aware of that and no point did he bring up any concerns about what would happen if I fell pregnant because we both want to have children but suddenly he's changed his mind

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But you don’t plan a baby with someone you’ve just met! That’s not a thing! 😞

scotstars · 06/04/2025 07:33

This is why it's not a sensible idea to have unprotected sex with someone you hardly know. Ultimately it's your choice but be prepared that this man might be in your life for 18 years - he could demand 50/50 custody especially if he wants out of paying CMS

FondantFancyFan · 06/04/2025 07:32

What is your financial situation and are you currently working? Do you have savings? Love alone won't put food on the table, children are extremely expensive.

Aside from that, I don't think you are mature enough to be a mother. You didn't take any precautions to prevent a pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Have you had an std or HIV test yet?

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:31

tiredoflondonbutnotlife · 06/04/2025 07:29

You don’t have to have an abortion of you don’t want to. But with reproductive rights comes responsibilities too. Your priority is what’s best for the potential baby and your life. At 24 you’ll be a single mother, relying on family for support. That’s either a good or a bad thing - only you can decide. Will you, as the parent, be able to give the child all the necessary support and opportunities to thrive?

Yes I will be able to give this baby a fantastic life

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 06/04/2025 07:31

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This x1000

It’s a complete shitshow generated by two very irresponsible people. Termination is the best way forward. So unfair to bring an additional person into this chaos.

Hercisback1 · 06/04/2025 07:30

Your family seem to be taking most of the responsibility. I'd not tether myself to this loser.

HoskinsChoice · 06/04/2025 07:30

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:24

I came of birth control for a number of reasons some being medical and he was aware of that and no point did he bring up any concerns about what would happen if I fell pregnant because we both want to have children but suddenly he's changed his mind

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Did you not consider STIs? You should have been using protection both when you had the injection and when you hadn't. Seriously, you are not mature enough to have a child. Please take this seriously.

Lifestooshort71 · 06/04/2025 07:30

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Agree with this totally. This time last year you were going to have a baby with someone else and now with this bloke who you don't even know!! Not surprised his family is horrified but.....it's as much his fault as yours. By all means have the baby but do the decent thing and don't expect taxpayers to pay for your decision. You sound like a teenager wanting the latest jellycat tbh.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:29

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As I said to another user I work full time from home and earn a good wage and I also have both financial and child care support from my family. This isn't a situation I am taking lightly but I am taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions

OP posts:
tiredoflondonbutnotlife · 06/04/2025 07:29

You don’t have to have an abortion of you don’t want to. But with reproductive rights comes responsibilities too. Your priority is what’s best for the potential baby and your life. At 24 you’ll be a single mother, relying on family for support. That’s either a good or a bad thing - only you can decide. Will you, as the parent, be able to give the child all the necessary support and opportunities to thrive?

faerietales · 06/04/2025 07:28

What are you going to do if he takes you to court and gets 50/50 custody? Do you really want to saddle your unborn child with this loser forever?

SparklyGlitterballs · 06/04/2025 07:27

Well, they're not forcing you to get an abortion. They're strongly suggesting it but it's totally your choice whether you have one. If they're harassing you then block the lot of them.

You need to decide whether you can do this alone. Can you afford to support yourself and a child? Not just through the baby stage but through childhood? Are you prepared for the restrictions this will place on your life? You're still young, but if you are prepared for what's involved then go for it. You can claim CMS from the father. If he denies parentage the CMS service can ask for proof that he isn't the father. They can also request he takes a DNA test or ask the courts to decide.

ETA: I think you're very immature to not be using some kind of birth control so early in a relationship (or making sure he was). It's all very well "wanting a baby", but you need to thoroughly know your partner first before you even begin trying. A couple of months of dating is ridiculous, but the baby will be the one paying the price of your stupidity.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:27

OliphantJones · 06/04/2025 07:24

Just bringing a baby into a loving household isn’t enough. How are you going to finance having a baby? How are you going to support the child for 18 years and beyond?
You sound like a 17 year old, not someone in their mid twenties.

I work full time and earn a good wage im financially stable enough to look raise a child and with my family being around they've made it clear they would help with child care while i work. I work from home also so no fear of being away from the baby

OP posts:
HoskinsChoice · 06/04/2025 07:26

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WhySoManySocks · 06/04/2025 07:25

Having children is really hard even when starting from an ideal setup of two people in a stable relationship who really want the child. I think you might be underestimating how difficult it would be in your situation.

Having said that, it’s your choice, and I’d bin this man either way.

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2025 07:25

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:21

My family are being so supportive and don't want me or baby to have any contact with him or his family

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It’s not up to your family whether the father has contact with the baby or not. Technically, he could take you to court and end up with a 50/50 child arrangement order.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:24

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/04/2025 07:21

Why weren’t you using protection? At 24 you know what can happen when you have unprotected sex right? And yes it’s on him too but you are the one now left with a child to raise. Did you want to have a baby? You sound very immature.

I came of birth control for a number of reasons some being medical and he was aware of that and no point did he bring up any concerns about what would happen if I fell pregnant because we both want to have children but suddenly he's changed his mind

OP posts:
cannynotsay · 06/04/2025 07:24

Regardless the situation now, you must take accountability here in some way. Contraception is down to both of you. I can understand both perspectives here, maybe you did jump the gun a little coming off the injection. Take some time to reflect that. However equally if you want this baby you have this baby! Congratulations on this pregnancy

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2025 07:24

You can choose to do what you want regarding the pregnancy. It sounds like neither of you were concerned if you got pregnant as neither of you chose to use contraception. Both of you were pretty silly to go down this route.
Now, you’re left with probably raising a child as a single parent.

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/04/2025 07:24

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:22

I'm 24 and I know its a big choice to make but everyone around me is supportive of my situation and have made it clear to me that this baby will be surrounded by love.

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That’s lovely but is that really what you want at 24 years old and no father for your child?

OliphantJones · 06/04/2025 07:24

Just bringing a baby into a loving household isn’t enough. How are you going to finance having a baby? How are you going to support the child for 18 years and beyond?
You sound like a 17 year old, not someone in their mid twenties.

Meadowfinch · 06/04/2025 07:22

If you want your baby and your family are supportive then there is no reason for you to listen to a word he or his family say. You are a grown woman not a child. It is your decision. I would not have another conversation until your baby is born.

He made his choice when he chose not to wear a condom.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Good luck.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:22

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/04/2025 07:19

Of course no one can make you have an abortion, however just some hard cold facts Op:
Your relationship is over baby or no baby
Ask yourself if you really are ok with being connected to this man and his family for the next 18yrs
if your last relationship was abusive I would say there’s a pattern and at some point you may want to address this.

how old are you OP? If you are younger than 30, Im in no way encouraging an abortion, but have a serious this about what you want the rest of your life to look like.

I'm 24 and I know its a big choice to make but everyone around me is supportive of my situation and have made it clear to me that this baby will be surrounded by love.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/04/2025 07:21

I might be willing to be a single parent but I would not want to do that with an abusive father with an abusive family. Unless you’re going to move hundreds of miles away (and away from your family network), you potentially have to deal with these people, and him having an equal say over your baby, for many years to come.

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/04/2025 07:21

Why weren’t you using protection? At 24 you know what can happen when you have unprotected sex right? And yes it’s on him too but you are the one now left with a child to raise. Did you want to have a baby? You sound very immature.