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Original poster

Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

368 replies

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:07

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

OP posts:
Elunajeya · 06/04/2025 07:43

So you were actually looking to get pregnant.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:43

AlisounOfBath · 06/04/2025 07:41

I’m going to go against the middle-class consensus here that all parents must be cohabiting or married and at least 35 before having children, after 10 years of lengthy negotiations…

Look, you said yourself it’s not ideal and not how you would have planned it. However, you are where you are. If you’re sure you can afford it (you’re working so that’s one worry dealt with), you trust your family to pick up any slack and have the gumption to go it alone, without regretting your old life, then go for it. It’s a lot to take on, but plenty have done it before you and made a success of it, so why couldn’t you? It will mean you have to be extremely careful about who you let into your life and your child’s from now on - no boyfriends wandering in and out etc. You will need to make big changes but I don’t see why you and your family won’t be able to raise a happy healthy child. Kids need love, consistent parenting, and firm boundaries. They don’t need holidays to Tuscany and iPads. If you can give the baby a stable home, go for it.

Thank you! I'm making the best out of an unfortunate situation and as you said many women end up in the same position as me I am taking the time to learn my parental rights and what advice I can seek from charities

OP posts:
Suzuki76 · 06/04/2025 07:43

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:34

I take an std test after I sleep with someone for the first time regardless if its protected or not. I work full time and earn a good wage with the benefit of working from home

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Uh huh. After you sleep with someone? What is the logic?

Moonnstars · 06/04/2025 07:42

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:38

I am very much 24. I live at home with my parents because quite frankly they don't want me to move out they are happy with me being at home and I support them by paying rent

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In the nicest possible way, do you have learning difficulties @OneAquaShaker
I wonder if this is why you are quite naive about men and wanting a baby seems like a nice thing to do.
It would also explain why your family want to have you live with them and are supporting you so much (rather than considering you foolish).
You also keep repeating having a good job which sounds like a learnt line, maybe something your parents have told you or you have heard them say.
Other than family do you have other people that support you?

Commonsense22 · 06/04/2025 07:42

The OP has made it clear she doesn’t want an abortion. I can't believe PPa are puling on more pressure to go down that route.

OP I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to explain your choice.

Guitaryo · 06/04/2025 07:41

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:40

The company I work for are very good at understanding child care and that parents are allowed to take time each day from work to support their child

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You will categorically not be able to look after a baby satisfactorily and work from home. The fact you are considering this suggests you aren't aware of what being a parent actually entails.

AlisounOfBath · 06/04/2025 07:41

I’m going to go against the middle-class consensus here that all parents must be cohabiting or married and at least 35 before having children, after 10 years of lengthy negotiations…

Look, you said yourself it’s not ideal and not how you would have planned it. However, you are where you are. If you’re sure you can afford it (you’re working so that’s one worry dealt with), you trust your family to pick up any slack and have the gumption to go it alone, without regretting your old life, then go for it. It’s a lot to take on, but plenty have done it before you and made a success of it, so why couldn’t you? It will mean you have to be extremely careful about who you let into your life and your child’s from now on - no boyfriends wandering in and out etc. You will need to make big changes but I don’t see why you and your family won’t be able to raise a happy healthy child. Kids need love, consistent parenting, and firm boundaries. They don’t need holidays to Tuscany and iPads. If you can give the baby a stable home, go for it.

PinkTonic · 06/04/2025 07:41

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:24

I came of birth control for a number of reasons some being medical and he was aware of that and no point did he bring up any concerns about what would happen if I fell pregnant because we both want to have children but suddenly he's changed his mind

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So you were fine with getting pregnant by someone you’d known 5 minutes? He didn’t bring up any concerns! Were you living at home with your parents when you and your previous boyfriend decided pregnancy was the next step and you came off contraception? You sound completely and utterly irresponsible and selfish.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:40

SparklyGlitterballs · 06/04/2025 07:39

Why do you keep mentioning working from home. Most employers will still expect you to arrange childcare during your working hours. Don't kid yourself that you can look after a baby/toddler whilst working. Real babies aren't like TV babies - out of sight/sleeping/quiet all the time.

In addition, giving this child a "fantastic life" doesn't equate to being born to one parent who didn't want you and potentially being shuffled between homes if the father should decide he wants access.

You really sound deluded.

The company I work for are very good at understanding child care and that parents are allowed to take time each day from work to support their child

OP posts:
Guitaryo · 06/04/2025 07:40

He might want at some point contact, be prepared for that also.

Ultimately it's up to you isn't it, don't ever get an abortion you do not want because someone else is pressuring you, it's your body and your choice.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:39

Viviennemary · 06/04/2025 07:37

Of course it was very unwise to get pregnant so early in a relationship. And both of you are extremely irresponsible not to have used contraception. But what on earth has it got to do with his parents unless they are supporting you both financially. If you don't want an abortion don't have one. They should a absolutely not be bullying you.

And going to his house with your family. Why? You both sound really immature. His family do sound like awful people though.

Edited

It was a decision on both families parts for us to go round there and have a discussion

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 06/04/2025 07:39

Why do you keep mentioning working from home. Most employers will still expect you to arrange childcare during your working hours. Don't kid yourself that you can look after a baby/toddler whilst working. Real babies aren't like TV babies - out of sight/sleeping/quiet all the time.

In addition, giving this child a "fantastic life" doesn't equate to being born to one parent who didn't want you and potentially being shuffled between homes if the father should decide he wants access.

You really sound deluded.

OliphantJones · 06/04/2025 07:38

What’s your job and wage? Is it actually good? Enough to support a baby? Or just some dreamy illusion you’ve made up in your head?
Honestly, I don’t even think this is real.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:38

Moonnstars · 06/04/2025 07:35

Agree you sound a bit foolish, you hardly knew this man yet were happy to risk pregnancy so soon.

You mention having a good job, being financially stable but you are living at home with your parents. You keep saying they will support you, which I guess you mean they will be paying for both yours and the baby's living arrangements, and you may be expecting them to look after the child. This doesn't sound like an adult decision, and I wonder if you have changed your age/details and are much younger than you say.

Also you sound naive to think that he might not want to be involved. Saying your family will say no is immature, and he could ask for 50:50 (especially if he didn't want to give you money). You will be connected to him forever.

I am very much 24. I live at home with my parents because quite frankly they don't want me to move out they are happy with me being at home and I support them by paying rent

OP posts:
HoskinsChoice · 06/04/2025 07:38

This reply has been deleted

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FondantFancyFan · 06/04/2025 07:37

Another person planning to drain public finances......

Viviennemary · 06/04/2025 07:37

Of course it was very unwise to get pregnant so early in a relationship. And both of you are extremely irresponsible not to have used contraception. But what on earth has it got to do with his parents unless they are supporting you both financially. If you don't want an abortion don't have one. They should a absolutely not be bullying you.

And going to his house with your family. Why? You both sound really immature. His family do sound like awful people though.

Loopytiles · 06/04/2025 07:37

‘Taking responsibility’ means being financially independent and having the means to support yourself and DC without relying on ‘full time’ childcare provided by your family.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:35

stardustbiscuits · 06/04/2025 07:33

But you don’t plan a baby with someone you’ve just met! That’s not a thing! 😞

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We are both at fault for me becoming pregnant but he is the one who gave me false hope that he would support this pregnancy

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 06/04/2025 07:35

You’re being unrealistic about your work, parenting, you and your DC being forever linked with this man, and the challenges ahead.

If (as is likely) he is a deadbeat dad that will affect your DC negatively, whatever you and your family do.

You will also be dependent on your parents, for childcare and perhaps also money and housing. That could get really difficult for both you and them.

Moonnstars · 06/04/2025 07:35

Agree you sound a bit foolish, you hardly knew this man yet were happy to risk pregnancy so soon.

You mention having a good job, being financially stable but you are living at home with your parents. You keep saying they will support you, which I guess you mean they will be paying for both yours and the baby's living arrangements, and you may be expecting them to look after the child. This doesn't sound like an adult decision, and I wonder if you have changed your age/details and are much younger than you say.

Also you sound naive to think that he might not want to be involved. Saying your family will say no is immature, and he could ask for 50:50 (especially if he didn't want to give you money). You will be connected to him forever.

HoskinsChoice · 06/04/2025 07:35

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:29

As I said to another user I work full time from home and earn a good wage and I also have both financial and child care support from my family. This isn't a situation I am taking lightly but I am taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions

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But why should your family fund your child? You chose to have a child, you are responsible for its care. Your family may have offered but they shouldn't have to. The fact that you cannot understand that this is complete mess tells us everything we need to know. I pity the poor child who will be brought up by an immature, naive and really, really stupid mother.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:34

FondantFancyFan · 06/04/2025 07:32

What is your financial situation and are you currently working? Do you have savings? Love alone won't put food on the table, children are extremely expensive.

Aside from that, I don't think you are mature enough to be a mother. You didn't take any precautions to prevent a pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Have you had an std or HIV test yet?

I take an std test after I sleep with someone for the first time regardless if its protected or not. I work full time and earn a good wage with the benefit of working from home

OP posts:
FondantFancyFan · 06/04/2025 07:34

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:31

Yes I will be able to give this baby a fantastic life

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How are you proposing to do this? It's just words at the moment.....

Led921900 · 06/04/2025 07:33

You made no effort to protect yourself from pregnancy either as well as him. That’s incredibly silly in a new relationship with a man for what 2-3 months and get pregnant with his child. It sounds like you want a baby but didn’t give much thought into ensuring it has a loving father who wanted it. I think that’s quite heartless to be honest. This wasn’t an accident this was willfully not protecting against pregnancy.

You’re in the situation you’re in but you might find financial support difficult and you might find it hard also if he does actually want to be involved and so wants the baby some of the time. Will you feel comfortable handing the baby over for a weekend to a man you don’t really know and who wasn’t keen?

You sound dead set on keeping it so block the family, leave him off the birth certificate and use CMS to try and get him to pay support.