Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

I support any woman’s decision to choose whether to terminate their pregnancy or not.

However, various posters have asked you what you will do if he/his family go for 50/50 access?

Once the baby is here, you may well find they want to be heavily involved. I genuinely would have had a breakdown if I had been made to hand over my baby half the week/month.

Jesus, You two had only known each other for a month or two yet you were excited about having a baby and planning your future? And you were planning a baby in a previous abusive relationship? He obviously got cold feet. Have a good think if single parenthood is what you want and what it will entail going it alone. It needs not just love but planning, organisation and placing your wants and desires on the back burner for a couple of decades. And with an acrimonious relationship with the father.

You thought he was infertile but were planning a family??

You seem hopelessly naive about what bringing up a child solo in your situation will look like.

I suspect your employer is generous about letting people take time out briefly for the school run or watch a nativity. Occasionally logging on while looking after a baby is not going to be acceptable.

What will happen if the child becomes more like your DPs child than yours? It comes across that you have a rosy picture of parenting the perfect baby not the reality of broken nights, wrangling trucculent toddlers, trying to juggle school/work/clubs, negotiating the tweenage/teenage/college years.

Perhaps your parents can see your determination to have a child and are being supportive but have they really thought about the potential impact on their own relationship and plans for the future.

You becoming a mother is your 100% your fault. Him becoming a father is 100% his fault. You knowingly and willingly had unprotected sex. It's not 'cards you've been dealt', you knew this would happen. You are not a victim. You did this, you, on your own.

You talk about being a single parent, as others have said, that may not be the case. The father may fight for custody. We don't know what your circumstances are or his so we cannot say but as you are not supporting yourself and relying on family and charities to help you, there's a chance he may be better positioned to bring the child up. You could find he gets 50% or, as someone else said, you are clearly not mature enough to be a parent - you could be deemed unfit and he might get more than 50%. Please don't assume you're going to live happily ever after with 100% of the child's care whilst others fund you and your company allows you to parent and work at the same time. You're living in cloud cuckoo land.

You haven't really responded to any of the posts saying about 50/50 access.

Regardless of what he says now he and his family may change their then completely once baby is here and you could find yourself in a co parenting relationship with him for the next 18 years, and sharing graduations and weddings with him and his family.

I wouldn't suggest you have a abortion because it's 'your fault' or because his family want it, but I'd think carefully about what co parenting with this guy could involve.

Why? It’s the truth.

Or should people just say “there there, it was an accident, what a bastard he is,” when it’s blatantly obvious that OP was trying to get pregnant and quite happy to do so. And he is equally responsible by not using contraceptive, although OP claims that she told him she was using contraception although given the circumstances that’s dubious.

If she did tell him and they continued to have unprotected sex then that’s on both of them and yes, they are clearly immature and foolish. They’ve been together five minutes and already planning a child? On what planet is that anything other than stupid?

We’re not talking about them buying a car together or moving in too hastily, this is a child we’re talking about. Not just a baby, but a person who is going to grow into an adult in their own right. And we need to stop downplaying that fact when talking about people who get themselves into these situations.

It’s time we stopped being so casual about bringing children into the world which are automatically going to be disadvantaged and have to grow up paying the price for their parents’ decisions.

What’s the maternity pay/leave like at this magical, great, well-paying job of yours? I imagine it will be marvellous yes?

This times a million. What toxic abusive behaviour.

Don't bet on them staying disinterested once the baby comes along op.

Of course it's your choice but you should factor in that this man and his batshit family are going to be in your life for the next 18 years. They will likely decide they want contact with the baby at some point and they don't sound like normal reasonable people.

.your story does not make any sense, it is filled with contradictions, which is what people are picking up on. It’s either:

A Wind-up

You wanted a baby, and got pregnant at the first opportunity - and knew it was highly likely

or

You are very very naive

Im not being funny but are you financially secure to bring a baby into the world? It's great your DD and DM are supportive, but you have over 20years of financial commitment here. If you are not financially stable then I'd say do not keep the baby.

Add to this its father doesn't want to know ' or maybe his parents have persuaded him to that position (at 26yo it all sounds very immature to me) but then maybe his parents are on the same headspace as me - he's not financially capable of supporting a child.

It's irresponsible to leave birth control to chance - you've been seeing him since Dec wtf.

If you're in the UK, as a tax payer Im fed up of covering financially insecure parents. If that's you then YABU.

Something is very off about the tone of OP's replies . . .

With the abusive family on the dad’s side you would be hoping to go it alone! They sound terrifying.
There will be 18 years of god knows what from that lot.

Gosh you are only 24, why the rush? You have time to meet someone lovely to share parenthood with, move out of your parent's house and prepare a good home for a child.

Instead you will have a horrible ex to deal with. You live with your parents, you may find they interfere too much or they may even decide to back out of helping once reality sets in. You are reliant on single parent charities. Is this really the life you want when you can choose better?

All good and well to say keep the baby, but that is the selfish reason which benefits only you. This child will have a toxic environment on his father’s side. Are you Willing to hand over your child every other weekend to these people? Are you willing for your child to have a troubled life knowing his father and family will make it difficult? You were equally foolish to not use protection. Sounds like the worst situation to bring a child into but off course it’s what about you want here not the child.

Take responsibility for your choices. Your personal situation IS down to you. It’s not the ‘cards you’ve been dealt’ or random it’s down to choices you made. It won’t help you as a mother or adult to ignore that.

Don’t engage with your ex’s family if you don’t want to.

Some nasty comments by bitter people on this thread! I was 24 when I 1st fell pregnant with my bf of 3 months, his family passed words telling me I presume your getting a abortion etc how dare anyone tell you what to do with your body or your little soon to be baby! The dad sounds terrible and his family are worse! Don't let them decide or cloud your judgment regarding your pregnancy! I have a beautiful little 7 year dd now who is my absolute everything she was honestly the best thing that happened me, and I always think back to them nasty remarks from my inlaws.
If you're own family are standing by to support you then fantastic! Plenty of women raise kids by themselves too

That’s not what you said earlier.

In reality it's unlikely. But best not to put him on the birth certificate

Okay, if he told you he was infertile that does put a slightly different slant on it, but only slightly because this is probably a line he uses regularly to get bareback sex. I really think you need to wise up.

I’d also suggest a STD test in the meantime, if you haven’t had one already during this relationship.

Just go no contact with him and his family for the time being. If nothing else, it will be preparation for how you’re likely going to have to cope once baby is here.