Would you be upset if your child's teacher told the class her mum had died?

Parents dying is a staple of children’s films so it definitely won’t be the first time they’ve encountered the idea. It’s healthy for children to think about and empathise with what others may be going through.

I’m a teacher and I would share something like this at an appropriate age. I think it’s important.

I’m sorry but no it isn’t too young they are most likely all almost 9/10 if they are year 4/5. The children deserve honesty!
I told a class of year 3/4 children when I was upset because my dog died! I was 8 months pregnant though so don’t judge me 🤦‍♀️

Death should not be hidden, and we don't want children to think it's something scary. If the teacher was simply explaining her absence (and not weeping all over the classroom), then it was a very sensible thing to do.
And talk to your kids about death, OP - don't wrap them in cotton wool.

I think it’s fine, they probably wondered why she had been off school for a while.

Yea , talk about wrapping up in cotton wool. Ridiculous.

No I would have felt very sorry for her and sent a card.

I think it's absolutely fine for the tescher to say. I completely agree we need to talk about death more.

I lost my mum 3 months ago and there is a huge divide between friends who are comfortable talking about death and those who aren't. Some people dissappear out of your life ad just don't know what to say.

My 7yos lovely teacher got divorced and they announced on the school newsletter, she would be changing her name to Miss X rather than Mrs Y from September. My child told me one of the class immediately asked the Monday after it was announced and the teacher went quiet and was trying not to cry. I think about that poor teacher caught off guard and thinking how to explain it. Sometimes context is good for kids to know.

DS is Year 4 and his teacher was off for a few weeks because her dad had died. The children were all told and it didn't occur to me to think anything of it. It is what happened and the teacher is much older than them so I can't imagine would lead to the children worrying that their dads were going to die.

We shy away from death in the UK and yet it’s a massive thing that every single one of us will experience. It shouldn’t be a taboo subject, we should encourage people to talk about it rather than avoid it.

This -hope you all did that!

No, I think this is perfectly ok - plus the kids will view their teacher as being much older than them so won’t necessarily see the death as relatable to their own parents.

Sadly this is part of life. In my DS time at primary, 5 out of the 45 kids in his year lost a parent. The stats are really quite shocking on how common it so the kids will come across it in their day to day lives.

I think it was a good thing, explains her absence and makes young children think about it a bit. They won't be dwelling or any morbid details but wll be more aware or mortality. There was a time when children grew up with death and it was not taboo as it so often is now.

This is why we end up with pampered princes and princesses who are self- absorbed. Parents at fault. I teach. See it first hand.

I think it would be ridiculous to tell them anything but the truth, people grow old and die.

Would you prefer the primary school teacher to lie? Imagine how that would feel to her after her loss.

I'd think it quite unusual for a child not to have come cross death in some form by Year 4. I actually think it's really important and healthy to have open conversations about it. Poor teacher, perhaps you could organise flowers and a card from the class. That would be a fabulous way to teach about kindness, empathy and generally looking out for one another.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact it presents a very good opportunity to speak to a child about death without either party being emotionally involved.

It’s great that your child has got to year 4/5 and has all their grandparents and has not personally experienced loss. That isn’t the case for many children though. Others will have experienced the awful loss of a parent, or another family member or friend. It’s really healthy to be able to discuss death and it not to be a forbidden secret that people are made to feel awkward for discussing or having feelings about.

There’s no “too young” because death close by can happen at any age. My reception teacher committed suicide. (We had a special assembly about it.) A classmate died in a hit and run the following year. We couldn’t not know. Children are, to some extent, insulated from the full realities of death because their brains are so mushy (scientific term). They’ll understand as much as they need to, really. And they’re Y4/5, not reception. The teacher did fine.

When I was in primary 2, so aged 5, my teacher was off for a period because her husband died and we were told.

No I don’t think it’s too young -‘it’s a part of life and children lose parents at that age. I would use it as an opportunity to teach my child about death and make a card or a gift for the teacher; maybe organise a card from the class for the children to sign or something. Very sad for the teacher. Xox

No, the children would have kept asking her why she was off so she told them honestly. I don’t think they are too young to learn and some of them may have experienced the loss of someone too.

By the age of 5 my child had already been to 2 funerals. We need to talk to kids about death as well as life.

They can be matter of fact about it, learn about emotions, empathy and grief. They can be shown how to respect and talk to recently bereaved people without awkwardness. To me it's an important life lesson.

I think it was brave and honest of the teacher to share with the kids.

@MonBlu NO I wouldn’t be upset with the teacher who has suffered a very upsetting bereavement but I am shocked at your instant reaction. I would, as a parent be going out of my way to be kind and extra appreciative of that teacher.

Honestly, teachers are human. Death is part of life. She has done nothing wrong. I ask that you remember that teachers are just human beings doing a very stressful and pressurised job and that parents do not see 99% of the work and ridiculous pressures they are under. Don’t always assume a teacher is at fault or look for reasons to complain! Shocking post!