To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

The tradition is from ownership. That’s literally where it began from in the UK.

There's always some negative associations with the woman's name which meant she as delighted to give it up whereas a man can be called John Hitler-Paedoface and nobody suggests he might like to change his...

It’s not that my name isn’t mine, it’s that I feel as much of an affinity to my mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names as to the name as I was given. All last names are arbitrary anyway, someone chose them for you at some point and so I personally don’t view itas a significant part of my identity. Clearly, judging by this thread, some people do. That’s fine. Each to their own.

It’s fascinating to me that only women have abusive male family members, never men. I hear lots of women who want to change their name because their “dad / grandfather was a terrible person” but have yet to hear of any men who wish to take their wife’s name for the same reason.

You must admit that’s a little odd, no?

You didn’t have to take it.

My decision was made because I'd rather have had the name of a very nice person than my abusive grandfather.

Had I (and everyone else in my small village) not thought of my "Grandad Jones" when I heard my surname, the type of person I am I likely would have chosen to keep my name by double-barrelling our surnames. And the reason I'd have combined the two rather than just keeping my maiden name is because I very much love the fact we're all one unit with the same name. As it was, I chose to leave behind the negative feelings I associated with my maiden name.

Women are capable of making decisions for themselves without you demanding they all follow your train of thought.

Mr and Mrs banana hammock?

Little boys aren’t socialised into giving up their names.

Little girls are.

The decision isn’t made in a vacuum without influence from elsewhere.

So, when my told my DH I didn’t fancy taking his VERY common place name (think Smith, Jones and the next one you think of will likely be it) he told me that: his parents adored me and would always be there for me, that by taking his name I was being welcomed into a family who would be there for me through thick and thin and would love me as much and as hard as he did. I relented. And they have, loved and supported me and our kids through some serious shit, unconditionally. So while I rail against the patriarchy, I embraced a new beginning with a family that loved me and my babies.

So they wouldn’t have loved you had you not branded yourself with their name?!

what else has your “darling husband” manipulated you into?

Nooooooooo

The men in this scenario almost certainly got their name from someone else. So if the woman's name doesn't count as her own without caveats than neither does the father's.

Either everyone has their own name and it belongs equally to all those using it, or a surname isn't really yours if someone had it before you and that includes males too. Pick one and go with it. The latter is a stupid argument, but at least would be consistent.

That should say entire population!

So you speak for them tired British population? 🤔

Wow, I get it now, you're just judgemental

I don't see why I should lose my name. I had my surname for 30 years no way was I losing it. I liked the sound of ours put together so we did that. Nothing to do with insecurity, just a fact that I love my name and didn't feel the need to part with it.
Everyone has a choice to do what they want, but there's no need to call people names, that's uncalled for. They just have a different view to you.

Page 22! And we’re still worrying about quadruple surnames!

They could just keep their own surnames?

if 2 already double barrelled peiple marry, do they quadruple barrel?

But what if the women doesn't want to keep her name? What if she prefers her husbands? For any reason?

Those women have to stop because you don't like that they're changing?

I know men who have changed to their wives name. I know men who double barrelled. I know women who kept their own 100% of the time, women who kept theirs professionally and women who changed to their husbands 100% of the time.

The choice exists. And if a woman feels really strongly about keeping her name and the man feels really strongly about her changing to his with no option for discussion about it, the woman should question if they're the right match.

Everyone having a choice isn't about women all doing the one thing. It's about conversations and compromise and women being strong enough to speak up about what they want. I didn't want to keep my name. But under your rules I'd have had to, just so others could.

It seems like you've raised a wonderful man that fully embraces equality in his relationship with his future wife.

If anything, you should be pleased with his decision, being a woman yourself.

What a weird argument for taking his name. Would they not have loved and supported you if you'd kept your name?
It's nice you're pleased with your decision and you have a lovely set of in laws but I don't get the justification.

I took my DH’s name. I nearly didn’t because I had a fairly rare English maiden name. But I’d used that since 16 having assumed a step fathers name. So at 32, I had had an unrelated step dad’s surname and then the name the father who left my mother (not unsurprisingly as she was barking) when I was an infant. So, when my told my DH I didn’t fancy taking his VERY common place name (think Smith, Jones and the next one you think of will likely be it) he told me that: his parents adored me and would always be there for me, that by taking his name I was being welcomed into a family who would be there for me through thick and thin and would love me as much and as hard as he did. I relented. And they have, loved and supported me and our kids through some serious shit, unconditionally. So while I rail against the patriarchy, I embraced a new beginning with a family that loved me and my babies.

My eldest, however, wishes we blended our names (not double barrelled ‘cos they simply did not flow), and plans to use the blended version of our names as hers when she writes/publishes her graphic novels one day.

TLDR: I guess it’s about what the surnames mean to the individuals concerned. If OP’s DiL to be adores her family and wants them honoured and preserved in the names she passes to her children, alongside that of the OP/her DH, then perhaps OP needs to respect and honour that too.

In Spain for example people give their child one surname from each parent.

What about when their child has children? Will they be expected to have quadruple barrelled surnames?
It's probably time that women kept their own name and children are given their mother's name.

I’ve never been told my name doesn’t matter. For what it’s worth, I still have my so-called “maiden name” and have a different name to my children. I personally do not set any truck by my last name, but I have no issue with people who do. In this day and age and in this country, women are free to do as they please with their names. I’ve just explained my own personal feelings as to why I wouldn’t feel strongly about changing my name. That is all. Women are not obliged to change their name when they marry and in my circle it’s a mix of those who have and haven’t. No issues either way.

I know a couple who did this. Childfree by choice too, they just wanted the same solo surname. My DH and I have a joke surname that we sometimes call ourselves which is a hybrid but in reality I like my name and never want to change it.