To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

Might be simpler for him to just take her name then

Haven’t the names clung onto by women mostly come from men anyway?

I’d rather be chavvy than so thick or brainwashed that I knowingly uphold a tradition born of misogyny and patriarchy, that labels women as property to be passed from father to husband.

My kids have double barrelled names and we haven't yet been inconvenienced by it, for those suggesting it will cause problems. In fact my DH and I have different surnames and the kids are myname-hisname and we haven't had any issues at all.

Change back.

My husband had a double barrelled surname already when we got married and I took his name. Honestly it’s a pain in the arse. It has an unusual spelling that no one gets right so I tend to go by just the bit that’s easier to spell. If I’d realised all the aggro it would cause I’d have stuck with my maiden name.

And I explained why I said it was the worst of both worlds.

You want to appear to be a feminist at work, but at home you’ve submitted to the patriarchy. You have all the admin hassle of changing names on bank accounts and passports, but if you need to travel for work, cos you know, career, your employer is likely to book it in your work name causing a load more admin hassle. And then if you split up you have to maintain both personas in some form.

A dear friend changed her name on marriage, got a PhD and wrote several books in her married name and then they split up. She’s getting married next month with a blended family and now basically feels like she’s stuck with the “ex-of-husband 1” identity because she used it for her work.

But she wanted to keep her name at work, and you were suggesting that was worse than wholesale changing her name. I don't get it.

i have my own name everywhere. Why isn’t that important?

I haven’t demanded anything.

The standard reasons women change their names are:

didn’t feel attached to it
it came from a horrible person
want to share a name
hard to spell/boring

Weirdly, the male brothers and cousins of these women overwhelmingly opt to keep their names regardless of any of that. These reasons may be valid, but most can be resolved by deed poll on your 18th birthday and women generally wait for marriage to be unburdened from these apparently dreadful names that their male counterparts have no issue keeping.

Now, it can’t be a genetic difference causing this. And we don’t see it in other cultures, as noted throughout this thread. So I wonder how on earth it’s so strongly skewed towards the females in our society. It’s one heck of a coincidence if there isn’t any impact from socialising sexes differently…….. it’s truly a conundrum.

My son in law took my daughter’s last name. Why don’t you suggest that?

Em...agreed? Where is this coming from?

It sounds right for her. It's important to keep your own name at work, if you have a career job.

I’ve been married twice and was a Ms before, during and after marriage.

Of course, but she's not wrong about those decisions being made in a societal context. People can call themselves whatever they want, and nobody has any obligation not to do something because they couldn't possibly come to a decision about it in a vacuum, but facts remain facts.

Oh I agree. It’s a sexist tradition but it’s not the only one. This particular one is not for me but if other women like it then I love that for them.

Nah none your business I’m afraid - I have a very long double -barrel surname and I wanted it as I didn’t want to lose my surname before marriage - my children have the same surnames too.

See, I gave my reasons. Everyone is entitled to their own. I actually gave mine as an example of why I very much advocate the choice of what to do.

And it was in response to a PP who seems to think that all women need to make the same decisions as her in order to make the world better. But at the end of the day, if a woman wants to take her husband's name, who does that hurt? What's the problem? She's doing what she wants, exercising her right to choose for herself. It's all good.

My DH and all our children have my original surname .

The horror. I can’t even begin to imagine what people must of said but honestly I couldn’t care less.

Your DS is free to make his own decision and their marriage will be between them. You will have to let go at some point

”Yes it happens to men too”

Really? I mean how often really does it? You have one example. I could pull up one example per week of women doing the same.

Look name changing is not my tradition but if women like it, then I love it.

I just don’t see why people make up all this pretend justification. Yes it’s a sexist tradition but most people just like it. That’s why far more women than men do it. And why far more women than men just “randomly” hate the male family member they share a name with.

It’s also why I still see divorced women using the names of ex-husbands who they loathe!

I mean the same is true for your first name too but many would find it odd if you were expected to change your first name on marriage.

I worked with a man who changed his name to his mother's maiden name because of the very same thing.

So yes, it does happen to men too.

The way to gain equality isn't to just throw everything in the opposite direction. So many "feminists" these days just want to change the patriarchy for a matriarchy and that's not equality.

True equality is having the same choices and opportunities as one another.

Why do men get to own their surname but women merely rent theirs temporarily?

And a decision of a surname after marrying only needs to be made if the couple wants one or both to amend their name. Many people are happy marrying and maintaining their names.

I get being surprised, but upset and horrified is a bit much.

The only people IRL that I've heard say anything against double-barrelled - even really long ones - was a few much older people who associated with it posh money-grabbing types (the idea that they needed to show their full lineage), so the association here with chavs is an interesting contrast.

I didn't "give up" my birth certificate surname - that's not really legally possible, even with a name change, all previous names are legally connected to the person. My husband and I discussed a range of family surnames and we both chose one to go forward and share together as our community names (we both use other names for other purposes).

I also changed all my forenames, which wasn't giving up on all my dreams, but the culmination of a childhood dream as the names on my birth certificate were all begrudgingly given.

Why does a culture need a system?

Because humans make systems, and by definition, culture includes what humans create including all the social systems and customs like naming customs within the groups involved.

These systems are bound to change - centuries back, most people didn't have surnames at all, and even now there are cultures that don't, some which are being pushed to do so in order to standardise passports and similar. There have been similar issues when cultures have had systems where names are added or changed over a lifetime at life events, but there is international pressure for names to be standardise at birth registration. A little over a century ago, most people in the UK didn't have titles, most women didn't have to concern themselves with which cut up version of Mistress to use, now it's practically impossible to not use a title & there are all sorts of associations with each version.

I absolutely would suggest he might like to change his and I definitely wouldn't have taken it.