To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but someone in my family said that they were going to do something similar and we were all a bit dubious. Turns out they never got round to it. I wouldn’t spend any time worrying about it. It’s not really going to affect you and they may end up dropping the idea quietly.

I mean. Some of us do, but this would be so low on my list of things to concern myself with that it would be undetectable with the human eye. Is his future wife a kind person? Do you think they'll be happy together? Have a chance at a long life together? etc, those are the things that I worry about with any future spouse for my child.

Fretting ostensibly over the length of his surname just sounds a bit over the top and very much sounds as if you're actually upset that his name is changing. However, I admit I didn't change my name when I married, so therefore probably am not the best arbiter of this.

Also, I work in a school: double barreled surnames happen from time to time. If it's two long names, it will almost certainly just be abbreviated to W-S or whatever.

The real fun begins when those children want to marry someone else with a double barreled name 😁 (I'm kidding; please don't use that as an argument!)

I think women should keep their own name and any babies take the women’s surname but double barrel is a good compromise

Of course they do.

But the question was about names and I suppose feels trivial to some posters and not to others. Your DS and DiL get to decide what they call themselves and their children.

I kept my name when I got married, my husband didn’t approve but “Mrs Jones” was his mother, not me. And I’d established myself under my maiden name so I didn’t want to be erased.

Current DP and I (not married) decided not to double barrel the kids. Too long and too many syllables so we gave them my surname as their third name and they have his surname for every day use.

Respectfully, it’s non of your business and if this kind of thing upsets you you need to get out more.

I don’t think him just taking her surname is fair and nor do I think DS would want to completely lose his.

So you think it's unfair for him to take her surname, but also unfair for them to double-barrel? This makes absolutely no sense. It's like saying "My son and his fiancee bought a dessert together and then shared it between them. Isn't this unfair? She should have let him eat the whole thing himself. Why did he have to give up something he enjoyed just to make her happy?"

I have a ‘long and clunky’ surname too OP and I’d be horrified if I knew my MIL was opposed to it on that basis. Women have enough to worry about without now worrying about how clunky our surnames are.

If you are genuinely worried he is squandering his wants and needs to make her happy, before they have even tied the knot, then I’m sorry but you do have a problem with her and you need to work through that or you’ll have a lifetime of this.

Please trust that they are able to make decisions as a couple.

Males parents horrified he will change his name upon marriage. Something women have done for ages and zero eyelids batted.

Times are changing get with it or become one of those old people “yeah we know grannies a bit you know but it’s her generation you know how they are 🙄 just humour her”

I am pretty certain I’m in love with you

Traditionally, babies take the mother’s surname. Sure, the mother has likely already changed her name on marriage (but not always), but in doing so she’s choosing her name, not being given it: she’s then choosing it for her children.

In any case, cycles have to be broken somewhere. My double-barrel is my parents’ names: if I’d given it to my children it wouldn’t be a name their father gave them, it would be a name from their mother and grandmother. (“But!” you cry, “it was once their great-grandfather’s!” To which the answer is: yeah, so?)

It's still her name now. Her father doesn't have rights over it or actually own it. She he chooses now whether to keep it or not.

her name which is 99% likely a male gave her it?

But we all expect a woman to just do this and don't care that the grandchildren lose her name?

I agree too

Yes I agree

'Grandparents are horrified' grow up

@FortyElephants @Mnlp @WiseUpJanetWeiss @DeskJotter interesting, I didn’t know that about Spain. Seems quite sensible.

I suppose that is normal and expected part of their naming culture though so doesn’t really help UK children who may come up against the predicament and need to choose which part of their double barrelled name to take forward if that’s what they want to do. Although may provide guidance.

My friend did this with an even longer name- 3 syllables plus 3 more. Only challenge is character limit on her credit cards. It's really fine.

OP, this is not a new generation thing and they'll be fine. My dm, born in the 1940s, kept her own name. My brothers' wives (born in the 1960s) both kept their own names. Nobody (except your parents) will turn a hair, I promise.

This!

@Chenecinquantecinq

What other traditions do you go for? Do you ask permission to work, get a credit card, a mortgage? Do you abstain from voting too?

With such traditional values, I'm amazed you're using a phone - surely reading and writing on the internet is unwomanly, shouldn't you be back in the kitchen?

What you don't seem to get - by hyphenating her name with his your DIL has also compromised. They both have, and have done the fairest thing by meeting eachother in the middle.

When I married my husband, I said he can have my surname, we can double barrel or keep our own. But any children would absolutely be having mine. We've both double barrelled, we've faced no opposition or questioning - it has been a non-event. Our eldest at school has her double barrelled name shortened to the initials and loves it.

You should be proud of raising such a son, and maybe take a leaf from his book.

My opinion is it’s absolutely none of your business,

I wanted to double-barrel mine and DH's surnames for our DC (I retained my name on marriage because - y'know - feminism) and DH was insistent it was too much of a mouthful (would have been five syllables in total).

Our solution? Both DC have my surname.

Would that be preferable? I suspect not as my hunch tells me this is a traditionalist thing rather than a mouthful thing.

@pelargoniums Are you me? 🤔😁

Surely you meant to say your female friends have their own names but their father's are using their dad's names. It would be no less accurate, after all. And if you're going to strawman, at least don't trot out a cliche that's been refuted a dozen times already.