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Original poster

To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

743 replies

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 00:41

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

OP posts:
Starlight7080 · 06/04/2025 02:47

crumblingschools · 06/04/2025 00:46

They could take her only her name, then it won’t be so long

I agree . Why not just be her name.
I fully understand she does not want to change her name and wants to have the same surname as her children when they have them.
That's not just for men nowdays. Why should it be

Whatatodo79 · 06/04/2025 02:41

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:10

Because I like to think of my son and his life and future children he’s spoken about wanting? Is that really so mind boggling? I am just relaxing on a Saturday night and wanted to casually ask on a forum I like to scroll, where plenty of other not majorly serious threads are posted, especially on AIBU. It’s just out of interest. I completely understand the comparison on how if I don’t think it’s right his name isn’t used, then why should the same feelings not be used for hers but there’s no denying the majority do accept their names get given up, every marriage on both sides has followed the traditional way, so I do think it’s fair to say it’s slightly different for her to give it up vs DS. Obviously this wasn’t the most useful of threads, I didn’t expect everyone to feel so incredibly strongly about this from the opposite perspective. My bad

Well, i think you may be getting the drift that you are veering towards the unreasonable side here. They'll work it out in due course if necessary

JustASongAtTwilight · 06/04/2025 02:29

@MsArgent you should probably drop this topic or you might not be invited to the wedding. Their wedding, their marriage, their choice of names.

BlondiePortz · 06/04/2025 02:27

Why is this even on your radar it is nothing to do with you

Shinysparklysquirrel · 06/04/2025 02:27

Actually, just to add, it's not the spelling of the double barrelled name that's been the problem. It's normally the spelling of my name.

Shinysparklysquirrel · 06/04/2025 02:24

When my husband, then partner, were expecting our first child he wasn't bothered about surnames and was happy to leave it up to me. So initially they were going to have my surname. But his dad was very into family trees etc and we thought he'd be quite hurt for them not to have his name so we double barreled it. They have a five syllable surname... four of which are mine. It's never been a problem.

JustASongAtTwilight · 06/04/2025 02:20

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

My DD and her partner have been discussing this issue. She wants to keep her name, double-barrel their names or for him to take her name. His parents were horrified and put pressure on him to insist she takes his name.

The result … my DD has decided she doesn’t want to get married and they can just continue living together.

cloudydays2 · 06/04/2025 02:10

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

That’s a bit of a reach ! Of course people have concerns about their children, proper ones.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 06/04/2025 02:06

My DD just got married. I'm a bit sad that she has taken her DH's name. I'm aware I'm totally unreasonable and irrational as I have used DH's surname for nearly 40 years.

However my opinion and feelings are irrelevant. She's a grown woman and it's none of my business.

namechangeGOT · 06/04/2025 02:01

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Yeah, of course. Proper concerns about their health, future health and well-being. Whether they’re happy inside. Not about their name after they get married. Because i’m not weird.

TooBigForMyBoots · 06/04/2025 02:00

I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back.

You have been talking about what you think of him and his wife-to-be, behind their backs. You want to watch it doesn't get back to them @MsArgent.

2cats1dog2babies · 06/04/2025 01:59

I have a double barrelled 'clunky' surname, it literally does not affect me in anyway, if anything it annoys me is someone chooses to use just when of my surnames when addressing me. And we chose to give our children short first names but they still have middle names too.

TheSilentSister · 06/04/2025 01:58

Of course. I felt very violated having to take my DH name.

Pupinskipops · 06/04/2025 01:58

A) Mind your own bloody business.

B) You sound like the kind of horror M/MiL who would think it your place to object to whatever they chose to call their children if it wasn't to your taste.

C) The way you speak about your DiL makes it sound as though you don't much like her. Does that have anything to do with your objection, honestly?

D) As far as double-barreled names go, 2 syllable-3 syllable flows nicely.

JHound · 06/04/2025 01:56

TheSilentSister · 06/04/2025 01:55

I would be insulted/chocked if a child of mine decided to use a name other than his own.

So if your daughters changed their names on marriage you would be insulted?

TheSilentSister · 06/04/2025 01:55

I would be insulted/chocked if a child of mine decided to use a name other than his own.

Stealthmodemama · 06/04/2025 01:54

it's a massive regret that my children have not got my name.

Wish I had been less pregnant and stuck to my guns!

JHound · 06/04/2025 01:54

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Yes but not over something as trivial this. Your real issue is that she is not simply adopting his name and even worse, he is hyphenating with hers. This guff of the two names being too long is a smokescreen.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 06/04/2025 01:52

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

I worry about my grown children all the time. I worry when they're unwell, when they're struggling mentally, when their relationships aren't going well, when they're not settled or having a bad time with study and work. I worry when they do silly irresponsible things that may harm them.

I don't worry about them having to spell out their names occasionally. And I know they do, as we have one of those surnames with a lot of variations.

Bumdrops · 06/04/2025 01:52

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Yes, I have concerns over their health, wellbeing, happiness,
number of letters in surname ? Nah, not so much !

JHound · 06/04/2025 01:51

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:35

I am glad that they won’t be judged for it if the replies here are anything to go by. I’m just not sure we are surrounded by people similar to the replies here as I’ve casually mentioned it to friends and they haven’t replied similar to the ones here at all. It honestly is more about the length and having to spell it out because people didn’t clock it’s 2 names etc that’s far more the problem. If the names went together, I really wouldn’t be here thinking oh they can’t do that because she needs to take his name. It’s obviously not this but it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson. It’s very long and clunky

So what if they are judged for it. Why do you care?

Meadowfinch · 06/04/2025 01:50

"I don't think he should give up on everything he cares about"

This is the root problem OP, he doesn't care about his name. You think he should. YOU care but he is quite happy to adapt.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/04/2025 01:50

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Of course. A name? Not even at the bottom of my list.

CalleOcho · 06/04/2025 01:50

I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this?

My opinion is that you sound absolutely unhinged.

Scary.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/04/2025 01:48

Why are you so bothered? After all, your DS's surname isn't even the same as the one you were born with.