To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

I don't understand what it is you think people will be thinking that is so awful?

'Thats a bit of a mouthful'

'Thats going to be tough to fit on this form'

Er, thats about it really. Not horrific and if its a pain in the bum to spell out each time, ah well, not your problem is it, you're not the one reciting it down the phone to folks.

This, with bells on.

What is it with all the controlling mothers on here today?

But out!

I wish this post was a wind up but I don't think it is. My partner is from a Spanish speaking country. Check out how they do surnames there. The idea that it's too long and will be a burden - wow. Practically the entire Spanish speaking world must struggle so much on a daily basis with their double barrelled surnames. God if only they had your wisdom - their whole lives would have been so.much easier.

Double barrelling surnames is fine and much more common now.
DH already had a double barrelled name when I married him so we couldn't really make it triple barrelled. When I married double barreled surnames were a rarity and DH was bullied at school because of his but this would not be the case now.
I wonder what future generations will do?
A surname is part of your identity so it's understandable she wants to keep hers.
However double barrelled names can sometimes be a pita, too characters for a form or even a bank card, login on websites (enter surname and booking ref) not really recognising them, surname just a space surname, surname hypon surname or a space between the hypon, at one end or both? I used to often be told by a website I had an invalid surname although not recently thankfully.
However when a new IT system was bought in at work about 5 years ago I was asked to drop half my surname as they couldn't accommodate the number of characters!!
Picking up an order that is filled in alphabetical order, omg my chemist has issues with this, they virtually search the entire alphabet!
For speed, if I phone up and make a booking for example, I usually use just the last part of the surname.
Also my dyslexic DS would have been much happier with a shorter surname 😂

Or he could just take her name then. My children are double barrelled and I have concerns over my children's names. I don't want them to just have their Fathers name and not mine, considering I am the primary carer. Why did your son originally assume she would just take his name? Because he has a penis? Great reason!

My double barrelled surname is 16 letters and 5 syllables. It’s no issue whatsoever. Our children have the same surname. Chill out.

To make thing simple, why not just give future children, about whom some seem so concerned, the wife's name as their middle name. Then the children can choose.
So: Ptolemy Smith-Brown can be simply Mr P.S.Brown or Mr Ptolemy Brown (or Smith if he prefers...)

I understand why your are a bit upset. You never anticipated that as your son he would be known by anything different to the name you gave him. If it is normal in your culture that the woman takes the man’s name when they get married then it will be a surprise.

It’s not worth falling out about though, deal
with your feelings over it, with some help but don’t put it on him. He had a think and made a decision that works best for him.

If this is for real (and I find it difficult to believe that it is), keep your nose out of their lives. I can see that you are going to be one of THOSE MsIL. Really, nobody can be this lacking in awareness, surely?

What do you think is going to happen to their children if they have an unwieldy surname? Do you think it will be as bad as if they have sexist parents who prioritise patriarchal ideas? Or a grandmother who tries to subtly undermine their mother by questioning decisions intended to put her on an equal footing in her marriage?

OP, kindly, as your son moves into married life, this is a good moment to take a step backwards and become slightly less involved in the day to day details of his life. This would be an excellent place to start.

I'm sure you want to support the young couple in their new marriage. Instead of running round garnering opinions about something that has nothing to do with you, you could be smiling serenely at their "horrified" grandparents and reassuring them all is well before changing the subject. That would be supportive, rather than undermining.

As you all go forward, there will naturally be things they do that will be different to what you would have done. It's best to keep your advice to topics where they might be going to do something harmful to themselves or others.

This really isn't one of them.

This

Of course it’s fine for you to have an opinion, you cannot help that, but on this one I’d keep it to yourself as it isn’t really anything to do with you just because you’re his mother. He is your son not your property. I’m also pretty sure they’ve thought through the pros and cons already.

It sounds quite clear to me that this isn't about the length of name, it's about your son changing his which you weren't expecting and don't approve of. It doesn't affect you in any way and he's a grown man, leave him be.

My MIL doesn't approve that I didn't change my name on marriage. Rather than just say it, I got questions like "what would your employer/professional regulator think?" or when I fell pregnant, one of the first comments rather than congratulations was "do you have a name, nothing goes with DHSurname". His name is something as common as Jones or Black so complete nonsense, fake concern - which is what this sounds like. Ultimately, we could see through the apparent concern and it just comes across as overbearing, judgemental and disrespectful. If your son is happy with the length of the name then that's all that matters. It doesn't affect you at all, unless it really is about appearances and public opinion?

You sound such a fool.

There’s nothing wrong with Greenwood-Williamson.

Lots of cultures have longer names…. Spanish people have two names, Nigerian names are often very long. People manage just fine. So you either live in a bubble and have never come across other people, or you’re manufacturing this issue to stir up conflict with DS and his wife. “Genuinely concerned” and think you know better 🙄

Butt out, or you won’t be around the grandchildren anyway.

Double barrelled surnames are awful but it’s their choice what to use not yours.

It could be worse.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Temple-Nugent-Brydges-Chandos-Grenville,_3rd_Duke_of_Buckingham_and_Chandos.

For children it makes more sense to take their mother's surname as they always know who their mother is.

Missing the point slightly, but what happens when two double barrelled people get married? curious to know if anyone on here has done this?

also, for all of you who believe that a woman “has” to take her husband’s name, she doesn’t. Its convention. I am Ms Bendathebridesmaid and my husband is Mr Garythegroom. The children are Garythegroom and it’s fine we don’t share a name (positive advantage when they do something unspeakable and I can deny they’re mine!!)

Nope. I have just counted out the letters in my cousins double barrelled surname, they are all adults now. Their surname is 3 words, 18 letters. Sometimes for convenience they adopted the one the kids chose and just used an initial for the other one. None of your business and your son and the grandkids will be fine. Your son isn’t giving up a single thing here, by the way.

but there’s no denying the majority do accept their names get given up, every marriage on both sides has followed the traditional way, so I do think it’s fair to say it’s slightly different for her to give it up vs DS

Nope. It’s not ‘slightly different’. It’s also not something the majority accept these days. My (adult) kids would have their minds blown by that. I didn’t change my name in marriage. None of my friends did, and none of their friends parents changed their names in marriage. Don’t quite understand the ‘we must have same name for people to know we are married to each other’ theory? Maybe that’s the case if you hang out with brainless people but even young kids don’t have these challenges, they know who is married/partnered to who, they don’t need matching names or bracelets or signs to work it out! Astoundingly, kids even know who their own parents are, and who are the parents of their friends, even without the whole name business.

It couldn’t be less of your business if it tried

It's a very normal thing to do. Nobody will judge it or really even pay it as much attention as you seem to think.

It's a non-issue. The horrified grandparents need to get a grip.

Your future daughter-in-law obviously didn't want to lose her name and why should she? Your DS has clearly been open to other suggestions and good for him.

Options are:

1. both just keep their own names and do nothing.

2. double barrelling, as they are choosing.

3. he can take her name too.

4. creating a completely new name.

All are perfectly acceptable and legitimate/legal options. Nobody at all is obliged to change their name on marriage if they don't want to despite the belief of some people that it is some sort of legal requirement.

Leave them to it.