To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

We went back to what a lot of my English ancestors did.

DS has my maiden name as a middle name so it’s first name, first name, Mothers maiden name, Dads name. But uses just his Dads name.

DH family name is dying out it’s a really obscure Anglo Saxon name and we have never met anyone with the name except his own relatives. DS has been the only male born since DH going across many branches, we do family history. My name is really common in my Dads home country but is mispronounced often by Brits, I have an entire other name as well as an English one but never use it as can’t stand the mispronunciation and people also get flustered attempting to say it.

You can't get involved in their choice.

You're taking a lot of flak on here and it's right that it's none of your business and you'd be better staying out of it. But, you're in the safety of anonymity here so, yeah, I can see why you wouldn't like it. It's the height of chaviness, I'd be embarrassed too! Hopefully they'll forget about it as time passes. 🤞

Well it won’t really affect you so what’s the issue? If they want to have a crazy long terribly inconvenient name so what? Personally I couldn’t wait to ditch my long awkward spelling maiden name when I got married

When I got married I took DH surname. I went from a common never-spelt-wrong surname, to a more unusual name that we frequently have to spell out. It's not a massive issue. DD often has to spell out her (not esp unusual - and spelt conventionally) first name as well!

This seems like it’s about more than just the name, is it that you feel like you’re somehow losing him and the name is just a part of that? He’ll no longer have your family name, now that he’s making his own family.

This but stood out: He would do absolutely anything for her and I truly believe he would compromise what he wants/his happiness for hers…

Maybe you feel that he is deferring to her too much, and she’s making all the decisions, but like it or not she is person he has chosen, and the most important person in his life now.

If that’s not the issue, and it really is just about the name, I fail to see why it would be bothering you so much.

BTW If they do end up having children, they will likely make many parenting decisions that you don’t agree with. If you want to keep a good relationship with them, you’ll have to just accept that.

Ultimately it’s his life and his choices, and if you bring this up and make an issue of it, you may end up pushing him away.

I have two surnames, not double barrelled (no hyphen). My DC have dropped one or other at various times. When/if they marry I fully expect one or both will go. The only practical issues I’ve had is not having enough spaces on some forms for my full surname and some which don’t like the space so then I put in a hyphen.

I really don’t care if other people judge, their problem.

I get mispronounced all the time but that’s another story!

I really dislike the mentality of carrying on a family name through the male line. My DH has my name just as I have his, and our DC have both.

This is satire right?

If two people with double barrelled surnames marry they either take one of the existing names, choose one name from each existing name to create a new one, or each keep their own original name. No drama.

Oh really? I hope you've informed all the Spanish speaking nations that they've been doing it wrong.

No it doesn't only happen once. Spain manage it totally fine.

Is this seriously all you have to worry about? Is he happy, does his partner love him, will they have a happy life together?

I think you and the horrified grandparents should probably get out more, it’s not like they’re asking you all to double barrel your surnames is it? What actual effect is this ever going to have on your life?

It is his decision to make but I actually agree with you that it's a bit daft. It feels like so many people do this I do wonder what will happen when their kids grow up. What will Jack Williamson-Russell do when he marries Jane Braverman-Wilson?

He could always just take her surname instead

All the time, but about significant matters. The “inconvenience” of having a double barrelled surname is not one of them.

I had a double barrelled (inherited on ExDH’s side) surname for a long time. People spelled both names incorrectly from time to time, and occasionally people omitted the hyphen or used an apostrophe, but it was hardly an inconvenience. It was never abbreviated to just one name.

I think your problem is that he’s not being traditional. You’re entitled to feel the way you do, but expressing this to him is a mistake.

Of all the things to be upset about!
One of my friends has a 9 and 6 letter , 5 syllable double-barrelled name and it’s honestly never occurred to be that it’s too long nor a pain to spell (which I guess it might be at times but how often does one have to spell out one’s name nowadays?)
sometimes people abbreviate it to the first name and sometimes they just use the initials.

but really. Hopefully your son will have a happy and healthy marriage-this should be all you care about.

You seem worried that your son has compromised on what he wants but the fact is, we all compromise on what we want. That's marriage for you!

I'm impressed and a little envious. I double barrelled (no hyphen) but my husband and kids just have my husbands surname (we had kids before marriage). I never thiught to ask but I know he never would have considered taking my name too (it works really well double barrelled, comparable with Wyke Jonson or something) so I think it's so nice that your son has honoured his fiancee this way and shown value in her family heritage.

They could just use future wife’s name?

I don’t think him just taking her surname is fair and nor do I think DS would want to completely lose his.

So what's alternative? If neither want to lose theirs or impose their name on their spouse what can they do but keep both?

None of the effects you cited were an issue: I was a young, innocent child with such a long name. Not an issue. (Not even when random words are bolded!) I didn’t sound like a law firm, not an issue there. My parents filled in forms when I was younger; I do it now: it’s some extra letters, not an issue. I had to LEARN my name, omg. (It was easy.) I had to… deal with it? That’s one of your issues, right? That children are carrying this huge burden with their big names? But I didn’t have anything to deal with, because none of this is a problem.

If anything, the effect on children is positive: teaching them that women are equal, that sort of thing. Could lead to revolutionary thinking. Don’t let it worry you.

Double barrels are stupid simply because it can only happen once and we can’t keep double barrelling our names (I.e if my DP and I chose to double barrel for ‘fairness’ that doesn’t give the option to our children as they’d be triple (or quadruple) barrelling). That said, if my child decided to do it I’d simply say what a lovely idea and let them deal with any complications.

I think this idea of double names is just silly. But no point in saying anything. Just let them get on with it.

Either one, it doesn't really worry me.

So what surname would you use and give your children?

Exactly.

I would be absolutely raging if I found out my future in laws had all been casting scorn on me for wanting to keep my name. And it would be a cold day in hell before I grew an entire human, birthed them and committed to raising and caring for them for the rest of my days…and not being relevant enough for that child to have my name.

No, I am not out of step.
Just bacause some agree that it's ok, doesn't make it acceptable to most in society. Or at least, those who care what they look and sound like.