Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

743 replies

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 00:41

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

OP posts:
JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 13:19

thinkingofausername · 08/04/2025 12:58

Sorry @JustASongAtTwilightI got muddled and thought you were the poster saying double-barrelled names were chavvy

Show quote history

It’s OK. I don’t think any double-barrelled names are chavvy.

thinkingofausername · 08/04/2025 12:58

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 12:54

I don’t think the Queen was a chav. I was responding to the silly comment from a PP saying that double-barrelled names are chavvy. The fact that the Queen had a double-barrelled name proves the point that they are not.

Show quote history

Sorry @JustASongAtTwilightI got muddled and thought you were the poster saying double-barrelled names were chavvy

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 12:54

thinkingofausername · 08/04/2025 12:49

The Queen was a chav!
Fucking hell!

I don't think you know what chav means my dear.

Show quote history

I don’t think the Queen was a chav. I was responding to the silly comment from a PP saying that double-barrelled names are chavvy. The fact that the Queen had a double-barrelled name proves the point that they are not.

thinkingofausername · 08/04/2025 12:49

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:54

Another chav.

Show quote history

The Queen was a chav!
Fucking hell!

I don't think you know what chav means my dear.

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 12:37

UrinalCake · 08/04/2025 09:57

We do seem to be moving away from titles anyway. They're not used as much as they used to be.

Show quote history

People do still seem to find Ms unusual. “Miss or Mrs?” is the usual question.

CarrieOnComplaining · 08/04/2025 10:19

I think the OP has departed from her thread.

I am just grateful that my Dc with their hyphenated surnames have never been so snobby or sneery as to describe people as chavs or chavvy.

DiscoBeat · 08/04/2025 10:06

Save your worries for something important and focus on their special day. If they want a long name it's up to them and who's to say it'll be a burden to them anyway?!

eastegg · 08/04/2025 10:00

2JFDIYOLO · 08/04/2025 00:24

He would do absolutely anything for her and I truly believe he would compromise what he wants/his happiness for hers and as much as it’s how it should be with regards to him doing anything for her, I don’t think he should give up on everything he cares about

Oh there it is. It's her, isn't it. She's your problem.

And as for the 'will nobody think of the children' type nonsense ... 🤦‍♀️

Relax, it's going to look fab on a business card, a brass plate, or whatever we'll have in thirty odd years time!

Spot on.

It absolutely leaps off the page/screen that she thinks her DS is wonderful and the future DIL…. not so much. A tale as old as time.

It’s reminding me of my own ILs so much it’s making me twitch. Exactly the same character traits. Entitlement/my kids can do no wrong/total lack of awareness of the important stuff most people worry about. If it were my child I’d be so delighted they’d met someone, were happy and getting married. OP’s type takes all that for granted because they’ve probably always assumed it would happen so instead of being grateful they go straight to the ‘is she good enough?’ narrative. All the OP’s posts reek of this attitude.

UrinalCake · 08/04/2025 09:57

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:32

Indeed, what is the point of it?

Show quote history

We do seem to be moving away from titles anyway. They're not used as much as they used to be.

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:54

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 08/04/2025 09:34

See also Elizabeth Mountbatten-Windsor.

Show quote history

Another chav.

QuickPeachPoet · 08/04/2025 09:35

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:33

So Jacob Rees-Mogg is a chav. How interesting.

Show quote history

HE isn’t a chav per se. But the name sounds chavvy, yes IMO

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 08/04/2025 09:34

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:33

So Jacob Rees-Mogg is a chav. How interesting.

Show quote history

See also Elizabeth Mountbatten-Windsor.

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:33

QuickPeachPoet · 08/04/2025 08:18

This.
I couldn’t care less about ‘his name her name’ and whose is most important. My baseline argument is I think double barrelled names sound chavvy 🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

So Jacob Rees-Mogg is a chav. How interesting.

JustASongAtTwilight · 08/04/2025 09:32

Jc2001 · 07/04/2025 18:39

If you gonna do that you may as well abandon a prefix altogether. What's the point of it?

Show quote history

Indeed, what is the point of it?

ImWearingPantaloons · 08/04/2025 08:29

My MIL gave us stick for double barreling our surname as in her head the woman HAS to take the man’s surname. She made herself look a complete twat.
Their choice of surname has nothing to do with you, just as it had nothing to do with my MIL.

BernardButlersBra · 08/04/2025 08:19

PussInBin20 · 06/04/2025 01:13

You’re a MIL. MILs and stepmothers never get a fair opinion on here OP. You’re wasting your time.

It's not that she's a MIL (she's actually his mum but anyway!), it's that it's none of her business and a fairly none issue. Part of me would love to track the couple down and encourage them to both take his wife's name 🤣

QuickPeachPoet · 08/04/2025 08:18

Efrogwraig · 07/04/2025 20:59

Why double barrel? Just keep own names.

This.
I couldn’t care less about ‘his name her name’ and whose is most important. My baseline argument is I think double barrelled names sound chavvy 🤣🤣🤣

snoopfroggy · 08/04/2025 08:17

Nothing to do with you whatsoever

TheHierophant · 08/04/2025 08:12

None of your business frankly

UrinalCake · 08/04/2025 07:57

TheYetty · 07/04/2025 19:02

I find these names ridiculous and I only use the last name.
But, I would keep out of this, if I were you.

Aw, is two words too hard for you? Must be very debilitating.

Jc2001 · 08/04/2025 07:51

TheYetty · 07/04/2025 19:02

I find these names ridiculous and I only use the last name.
But, I would keep out of this, if I were you.

That's a massively petty and small minded thing to do. Why would it even enter your mind not to use their full surname. Are you making your own little protest?

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 08/04/2025 07:45

Duringthe · 07/04/2025 23:26

I understand where you’re coming from OP.

DD is getting married soon and will change her name. She thinks it will be good for her, her STBDH and her (hoped for) children to have the same name. Her fiancé expressed no opinion beforehand and no one put her under pressure.

Any reason it couldn’t have been her name they decided to share?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 08/04/2025 06:24

Icyboy · 07/04/2025 21:24

I can't imagine anything more simp worthy, a marriage for a male has very little to gain yet everything to lose, the least he should get is his name and only his name is taken.

Can't find a woman who appreciates what a nice guy you are, I take it?

KM123456 · 08/04/2025 04:51

I read somewhere that most computer forms have a maximum number of characters for a surname--16, I think. So they may want to verify the number, and then consider that. If part of your surname is usually cut off that might lead to inconvenience, and even problems. Or resentment on the part of the person whose name was always decimated. If they want to have a combined name (esp if it's for kids) maybe come up with a shorter double barrelled name for the kids and each keep their own name.

TheSilentSister · 08/04/2025 01:13

I love the name I was born with. It represents me. My married name does not, it just means I 'belong' to someone.
When my DC leaves school I will be changing my name. DC has said he'd like to change too but I be that would cause fireworks!