To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

The tradition of double-barrelled names is associated with the aristocracy. I assume that you only think it is chavvy when non-aristocrats do it.

He is a Spanish citizen, and was when the children were born, just doesn’t have a Spanish surname as he isn’t ethnically Spanish.

As I have said to another poster my DH is Spanish. We have had huge issues registering child's name as it should have been his fathers surname. They were not contesting the order of the surnames they were insistent that legally childs surname in Spain was my surname + his fathers surname.

This is about your husband being butthurt really, isn’t it? And the silly grandparents stirring things up further.

It’s not really about the name. It’s about your daughter in law having an opinion and your son taking it seriously (you’ve obviously raised a good and respectful kid).

Be careful here OP. You don’t want to find yourselves relegated to duty visits at Christmas and birthdays in future because you’ve cheesed them off over something trivial. I’m glad you posted this and I genuinely hope that this thread has been useful.

You’re being absolutely ridiculous. It’s entirely up to them and nobody else’s business.

It’s not a safety issue is it? It’s not abusive? It’s not discrimination so I don’t understand what the ‘concern’ is.

Why the fathers and not the mothers or both?

Exactly!

OP, you could also simply suggest that he take her name. That would solve your concerns, wouldn’t it? It presumably wouldn’t be too long, too complicated or impractical…

I don’t think he should give up on everything he cares about

Maybe he does not care what surname he uses. The person who cares about it is you, and given that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, the best strategy would be to adjust your expectations. Did you change your surname on marriage? Did it ruin your life?

My DH is Spanish and he gave our children his mother's surname and it has been a nightmare to get her registered and passport etc. They have constantly raised issues about their spanish surname not being from his dad and we have had to do a lot to get their names registered correctly.

His surname will likely be irrelevant as he is not a Spanish citizen as mine was.

Indeed. But people do get extremely strange when it comes to women not taking husband's surname and giving that only to the kids.

Perhaps have a word with Katarina Johnson-Thompson and see whether she has any issues you need to warn your son about.

Not double barrelled, took DHs surname because that's what felt right for us. However, off the top of my head, had we double barrelled the options for DD would be:

1. Keep her own name.
2. Take her future partners name.
3. Future partner take her name.
4. Triple or quadruple barrel, should they want to.
5. Take one of the double barrels to add to one of future partners double barrels (neither of us would care, she could choose what flows better).
6. Merge names to create an entirely new one.
7. Change her name by deed poll to something completely different to ours or her future partners.
8. Drop one of them for "ease".

So there's a few options for children to choose from and they'll choose what works best for them and their future circumstances. And there'll be paperwork so genealogy will live on as it has so far.

I don't think it needs to be as complicated as some people (you) make it.

How refreshing it is to hear about a couple able to have a conversation about the surname that would work for both of them and their future children. Plenty of people have to spell their names for strangers; it's just the way the world works. It would (possibly) be a mild annoyance rather than anything more.

In my grandparents generation and before that, if the woman was from a better family than her partner, he would take her family name when they married. It was about status rather than sex.

The father’s.

They care that they’re happy, healthy, comfortably off financially. They don’t lie awake panicking that it might take them five seconds longer to type out an application form, or that a restaurant manager might mishear when they book a table.

Why is this your problem, issue, concern, worry, upset, business?

DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

Well keep it that way. It's none of his business.

Presumably both your son and his fiancé can both count syllables and letters too, and already know how long their names will be.

In Spain, parents are not legally required to give their child the father’s surname. Since 2000, Spanish law has permitted parents to choose the order of their child’s surnames, allowing either the father’s or the mother’s surname to come first. This decision must be made by mutual agreement and declared upon registering the child’s birth. Once chosen, this surname order applies to all subsequent children of the same parents

www.thelocal.es/20170601/spain-overhauls-tradition-of-sexist-double-barrelled-surnames?utm_source=chatgpt.com

When I married DH I decided to double barrel with his long and forrin hard to pronounce and spell name,

It's really not an issue. You get used to spelling it out for people. Although last year I misspelled it when on the phone to the bank as i got distracted half way through. Been married 20 years.

OP, I hear you. Obviously it’s completely his choice - therefore you probably shouldn’t say anything - but some people I’ve met have absurd double barrels. One girl I met had [long Croatian name of three syllables]-[long Jewish name of four syllables] and she was dyslexic, so it took until secondary school for her to be able to confidently spell it.

So what name should children take?

It might become an issue if one of their children wants to triple or quadruple barrel but these are all just admin problems. Plenty of people have issues with mispronounced or mis spelt names.

@DeskJotter Yes! We do. We’ve older friends who married and did this. Most of us thought it was hilarious. She even used her married name! So not about keeping her family name. People seem to think it signifies being together. “What’s in a name?” is more apt. We don’t actually care what they think they signify. Those of us who haven’t virtue signaled have decent enough respect for each other.

It's very tacky to do this imo. Unless it's a long standing double barrelled surname I think it's as common as muck😀