To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

"I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back."

FFS.

Actually thinking? How out of touch and judgmental can you be?

And to be fair, OP, for all your disingenuous back-pedalling about 'just wondering', you did use the word 'UPSET' in your thread title.

OP does not find that idea acceptable. Quelle surprise!

Why do you think him taking her surname isn't fair but you think it's more than fair if she takes just his surname?

and yet another
OP AIBU?
MN YES
OP NO I'M NOT

Double barrelled names are cumbersome so it wouldn’t be my choice. Maybe suggest he tries her surname for a bit and see if he likes it?

Both our adult DS’s have taken their mum’s name when they became adults (she sadly died when they were young) and their children have been given their wife’s surnames. I think it’s rather sweet that they’re honouring the women in their lives.

DH has a great relationship with both of them and isn’t remotely bothered about the name changes although he does have a younger third son, so maybe he’d be a bit miffed if he also changed his surname too, although I doubt it. 😂

It won't be your name or the grandparents name so not your business.

OP, please:
Stop gossiping / 'mentioning' this to people around you. It is not their business and it will get back to them.

Reflect upon how you have brought up a Ds in this day and age to assume, in the first place that she would just take his name.

Use this thread to reflect on ways that you could, unwittingly, become MIL from hell.

If I was your DIL2B I would be furious.

And if you keep carting on about the number of letters don't be surprised if they then decide just to both keep their own names...in which case DIL will probably want her children to have her name.

And once the Stupidity Bingo starts (its on every hyphenated name thread) about 'what if the grandchildren end up with 4 surnames' here is your answer: "I am sure the grandchildren will make their own thought out decision when / if they marry - just as DS and DIL have. Not many people end up with 4 or 8 surnames"

To the poster worried about being a MIL, you just need to not be as nuts as this. It’s really not hard to avoid being a mental MIL.

My husband and his sister were given their mother’s surname in the 1970s. Feminism has been around a long time.

His sister’s children have her surname, our children, one has mine and one has his. ‘The traditional way’ is only traditional in the odd backwater. My in laws are in their mid 70s now and it never occurred to them that kids took their father’s surname.

I'm more concerned with out how children are raised and treated by their parents, frankly. Not what their surname is.

And ftr, my DH and I both kept our own surnames and double-barrelled our children's surnames as we (a) both liked our own names, (b) felt our names were part of our identity, and (c) didn't want to go through the hassle/expense of changing documents and explaining said changes forevermore. Makes it easier for travelling internationally to have both names on their passports, etc. However, we have made it clear to all of them that when they turned 18, they can do what they like with their names: keep them, dump one or the other or both! We don't care and won't take it personally.

'the majority do accept their names get given up'
'traditional way'
'fair to say it's slightly different for her to give [her name] up vs DS'

⬆⬆Say you're a misogynist while actively pretending you're not. ⬆⬆

Well done to your son for understanding his future wife's perspective and treating her as an equal rather than as a lesser, in spite of his parents and grandparents.

Yeah, pro women on here, unless you make grammatical errors, then you feel the wrath of women 😂

The biggest risk is that their child becomes a pro-footballer. It’s very expensive to get that many letters on a shirt back.

So it's something like (for example) Prescott-Williamson, or Williamson-Reynolds? My surname is the same number of syllables, and presents no issues for everyday. If the other name is something less familiar or difficult to pronounce it may be more challenging, but then that single name alone would also be. As both partners are comfortable with the proposed combo, it should be a non-issue.

I married last year and double barrelled it too but to save faff I just used the shorter of the two names for most things.

I know someone who triple barrelled and 2/3 of the names are difficult to spell.

My brother and SIL did this, I think it’s a nice tradition actually.
Also nothing whatsoever to do with you

Wait until the children with their double-barrelled surnames marry children with double-barrelled surnames. 🤣

Are they both planning on changing their passports, driving licences, names on all bills, bank account details, and their work surnames? If not, it’s all just a fantasy, anyway, and they’ll just end up picking and choosing what they fancy calling themselves and their children, even to the extent that if the relationship breaks up, they take it into their children’s schools and try to argue with the school over the surname used there.

Tell me you’re a 1950s stepford wife without telling me you’re a 1950s stepford wife …., 😂

@MsArgent - given you don’t want him to take just her surname, the implicit sexism driving your thinking is very clear. Why are you so quick to want the female element of the name removed? Why is that so okay with you? Why is your future DIL not allowed to express a view on her own surname? Why should she just accept that her surname vanishes? Do her parents matter less than you do? Honestly, OP - your attitudes are pretty shocking.

Spanish and some Polish people use double-barrelled surnames. They manage fine, despite the length and (to me anyway) apparent complexity of the names. This is entirely about your and your husband’s feelings about preserving your family surname as a single surname. Other people will not care.

I honestly couldn't care less if my kids done this. It's their life and their choice, you sound over bearing. Keep your nose out their business.

Here we go again. His girlfriend 'spoke up' did she? It's all her doing, she has manipulated him, yes?

Well presumably it didn't apply to him as parents didn't have Spanish surnames in first place so it doesn't apply the same way. But legally a child should get a both parents FIRST surname, which was traditionally the fathers. Try are allowed to put in whatever order they want.

Also I have a double-barrelled surname. 5 letters in each name and I have to spell it all the time. To be fair I had to spell my own surname of 5 letters all the time before I double barrelled it! Makes me laugh as some of the spellings I've seen are so random!

It's their business and as long as they're BOTH happy with the choice made, then I don't see an issue. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't double barrel my maiden name with my married name as we'd sound like a stately home! Think of my maiden name as Manor, House, Hall etc, and you get the picture!! If they do find their double barreled surname too long, to be practical, then it's something they will find out for themselves. Even if you think they're making a mistake, and if it is, it will be their mistake, not yours. They will have to take steps to change it or put up with it!!

::Adds “insecure” to list of my parents’ crimes:: And here I thought they were just feminists.