To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

No women aren't more accepting of giving up their names.

They're just expected to swallow it by people like you.

You've internalised your misogyny and you're actively assisting enforcing patriarchy by saying its not fair for a man to completely give up his name but its okay to expect women to.

Equity that is not.

Take some time to reflect and read, so that if your DIL has kids you're not perpetuating patriarchy further down the generations.

Horrified is what my mother was when I didn't change my name in 1988. She was worried the postman/woman would know we weren't married 😂. As if a South London postie knows or cares!!

My name is more unusual but I use DH's name when ordering a takeaway to save shouting a spelling over the phone. My teacher name is my double barrelled initials (imagine Mrs D-B) and we're known round here as the D-Bs. Personally I prefer just to introduce myself with my given name.

My kids are all double barrelled and sometimes use it, sometimes not. I still don't like the title Mrs.

DS is getting married in summer. His fiancee will keep her own name at work.

If my children are happy I couldn't give a monkey's what surname they choose to use. None of my business.

So is DD’s.

DH’s surname is 9 letters and 3 syllables.
Mine is 6 and 2.

My dad messed up my sister’s name and she has 3 middle names. She’s always struggled to fit it on official forms!

My first name and surname have 6 letters each. Perfectly normal names but I have to spell them every time.

Ds1 first name is 8 letters long….i should probably have thought than one through 😀

Someone on the thread has mentioned son in laws surname and turns out it has 7 letters 😳

so 9 and 7

and i am curious OP….whose name should ds1 and his husband have picked?

in your case you would prefer the female changes….otherwise its not ‘fair’

what should ds1 have done, its not a trick question i promise, they could have flipped a coin 😀

As someone with a long first name that can be legitimately spelt in a number of ways and a long foreign surname that requires spelling out regularly I can assure you that I’ve never once felt it was a ‘burden’. I’m also completely unbothered about spelling errors on occasion. It’s just not that important.

Long names aren’t particularly unusual or difficult. Short names are more problematic as electronic forms sometimes need at least 3 letters to recognise a name. I wish we had double barrelled even though both ways round sounded daft - one way a piece of v common clinical equipment (we both worked in healthcare but even lay people would know it - it would be like being called Mrs rolling-pin or Mrs fitted-sheet), the other way is slang for prostitute in DHs 1st language. We decided on DHs only in the end on the basis of future dc had stronger links to my culture geographically so a last name from his might be better. “My perfectly ordinary name is fairly long” is not a real problem but weddings can be incredibly stressful, as can change and it’s easy to focus on non- problems as a distraction.

Of course - but this is not worth a second thought. They're grown-ups and it's their choice.

Click here to read about it

Not you name, not your life, not your place to express any opinion

"Horrified"? Are they usually given to such over-reaction?

What's they Spanish way?

My DS and his gf will be double barrelling their surnames when they marry. Their DD already has their double barrelled surnames.

Their names are totally wild together tbh! DS surname is always misspelt and his gf surname is not British and difficult to pronounce and spell. I have honestly never even thought about the practicalities of this other than a mild wondering of the strategies we will use to help my DGD learn how to spell her surname!

There are a great many things about my DCs that I worry about as an adoring Mum and Nanny, but this is not one of them.

OP I think you are stressing about nothing.

I assume they choose as a couple which names to choose or they do it the spanish way

We have all our legal stuff sorted and did long before DC.

It's a serious question about double-barrelled surnames though. If both partners have a double-barrelled name how is it decided what names any DC have? I'm guessing people chose to double-barrell as they want to keep both their surnames so how does that work when you have 4 names to contend with?

It is absolute unnecessary nonsensical bureaucracy. They seemed to make it as hard as they could for us to have child's name registered correctly to the point they wouldn't accept her UK birth certificate as proof of name as UK is not an EU country.

You don't want him to take her surname? Why not? It can't legitimately be because it would be too exhausting to type or write with a pen?

For me. The bigger issue is virtue signalling. That being known by a name matters more than the actual commitment to each other. It’s surface dressing.

@Crunchymum I would just advise you to get an agreement about splitting up finances! Not married and three dc is a danger zone. The name doesn’t matter!

Why hate you? Do what you choose to do.

But don't presume or make assumptions about what other people feel or choose - their is no 'surely' about it.

(I have checked with my Dc - one of whom dealt with name choices by going into therapy for 3 years in preparation for marriage, one of whom has 72 surnames because they couldn't decide, and one of whom made their own rational decision as to what suited them best, just like their parents did, and because they had such parents no one put any pressure or expectations on them to create angst)

I sense here that your issue isn’t really about the practicalities of this for him, and his “burden” of spelling and repeating a long name. How does that affect you in any way whatsoever? It’s his choice.
I think you just don’t like that he’s taking his fiancés name too. You’d rather he just kept his surname as it is. So yes, YABU.

Can't actually remember the last time i introduced myself using my surname anyway unless it's the bank or something
And I've certainly never given any thought to what others do with their name.

Yes. Of course. My cousin has been stuck in a branch of Barclays for 3 years applying for a mortgage with her 1024 surnames.

That's a problem of bureaucracy, not of law or custom however. You had the right in law to do what you did, Spanish bureaucrats aside. I have had arguments with people who have automatically changed my name to my husband's on paperwork and others who have tried to say I must have a previous surname if I use Ms because Ms is for divorced women only and all divorced women have a previous surname...ignorant bureaucrats are a universal problem.

MN will hate me but mine don't have double-barrelled names and DP and I aren't married (together 18 years and have a house and 3 DC) So I have a different surname to my 3 children.

Was never as issue for me, was totally my decision and MIL didn't even realise they had DP's surname until DC2 was born. She just assumed they would have my name.

My only issue with double-barrelled names is where does it end? If Crunchymum Jones-Smith marries Crunchydad Allen-Donaldson then do our children have 4 surnames? The decision as to which names get used then surely becomes more of an issue as there are more to consider?