To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

How on earth can you find the energy to care about this?

I think having two surnames is better, as someone I used to work with did. Or husband and wife using their maiden names in everything they do.

Their choice though. Choice of children's names is something I can get much more thought and feeling about.

Let’s hope they don’t give their children multiple syllable first names too! Imagine the chaos! I don’t know how the Spanish cope! Or any other nationality where they have double or long surnames… you should hear Dfriends name - she’s Nigerian heritage and her full name goes on for about 5 days and yet she seems to manage…

It doesn't have to suit everyone. It only has to suit the OP's son and his wife (well, girlfriend).

I changed my name on marriage. It was much more admin hassle and caused more problems at work than my colleague who changed her name on marriage but kept her maiden for work.

I'm British. It's not "chavvy". It's also not recent. It also means literally nothing to anyone but the people whose name it is.

Double barrelled, clunky surname here, it was mine and dh's decision, nobody else's business, kids learnt to spell their surname no issue, what they do with their surname if they marry is their business, not mine (except I would strongly encourage them not to triple / quadruple barrel.... that way lies madness!!).

Vile is picking your nose whilst on a zoom call.

Why are long names problematic?

It's totally up to them, but very long names can be problematic. Could you suggest they think of creating a combined name that's just theirs e.g. Greenwill? If the combo name has both families included, then it might suit everyone.

You’ve casually discussed it with your friends. You need to find something to occupy your time.

What do you think people will be thinking behind his back? I don't really understand.

I have a double barrelled name and neither surname is particularly long but it's never even vaguely been a issue I'm not sure what hassle you are imagining.

My children obviously are also double barreled and again no issue.

I voted YABU, because it’s not about you or the “horrified” Grandparents!

MYOB

Why?

Why does anyone need a family tree?

Why does a culture need a system?

If there are concerns about lineage for inheritance or incest reasons, DNA is much more useful than a naming convention.

I honestly don’t know how you could possibly think this is anything to do with you let alone have the cheek to raise it with him! I can just imagine the sort of mother in law you’ll be.

Firstly, even if they were ‘judged’ for it, how do you think that would actually have any impact on their lives? People might think ‘That’s a long name’. So what? They’re not going to be shunned for it, ffs. It’s just a name.

Secondly, what does it matter what your friends think of your adult son’s surname? Why would you give the slightest toss, and more to the point, why should he?

Thirdly, ‘the problem’ is not a problem. Lots of people have long surnames, difficult to spell surnames, hard to pronounce surnames - my own surname has an unusual spelling, in fact. The impact of that on my life is… almost non-existent. Sometimes people spell it wrong if I don’t spell it out for them. And, er… that’s literally it. Given that almost all official business involves filling in your own name online, even that isn’t really an issue any more.

Fourthly, it’s mad that you seem to think you must know better than your son, who is a grown adult man and just as capable as you or any other adult of making his own decisions. It’s so incredibly arrogant and infantilising to imagine that you know better than him on these matters just because you happen to be his mother.

Long winded names have never done the Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe family any harm whatsoever so I wouldn't worry

Honestly op. You’re overthinking this. So what if the name is long and a bit awkward. In our global world no one bats an eyelid at all sorta of unusual names.
As a family they’ve decided they want to have the same name as will their kids what ever you do not mention any thing negative to your son or daughter in law. That will not end well for you.
maybe just accept that you’re slightly old fashioned in this regard and people have moved on.

He could take on her surname only.

Just a thought.

He’s a grown man and you’re being ridiculous. It’s his name and it’s none of your bloody business how long it is or what his future kids think about it. His grandparents are ‘horrified’? Well, so bloody what? It’s got nothing to do with them, either.

Your adult son is not a possession. Stop infantilising him.

I don’t think him just taking her surname is fair and nor do I think DS would want to completely lose his.

But her just taking his surname would have been acceptable to you? And the horrified grandparents? And to your DS, until she 'spoke up'? How would that have been fair?

So what do you think is the answer? Hmmm? Really - what would you suggest?

The thread lacking an ESTA is due to a name change as you describe, everyone’s at it. I kept my name, but regret not adding it to my kids names. I think it’s a great solution.

I thinks it’s lovely that they want to signify the joining of their families this way and that he is being progressive (ie not endorsing centuries of patriarchal oppression by imposing his name). Their children with have a direct and visible line in their surnames to their heritable roots on both sides. One day we may also get to dump the Miss/Mrs labels and just use ‘Ms’ and ‘Mr’ - so that women are no longer labelled in terms of whether they belong to a man but simply signified as biological women, independent/equal in their own right.

Genuinely - how often do you need to tell anyone your last name?

I can’t remember the last time I had to give mine to anyone. Filling in forms is usually on a device now, mostly using autofill.

Occasionally I need to tell someone so they can look me up on their system, which will also have autofill when they start typing it in.

Would you have the same issue if one of the names was foreign? Irish? That would be as ‘difficult’ to spell out as a long English names.

Think of it as a bonus for the kids - more practice writing than all those poor Tom Browns and Jane Smiths with their silly short names.

What an interfering MIL. It sounds more like you don’t like that your DIL won’t just quietly take your family name.

My in laws also refuse to acknowledge my husband and I double barrelled our surnames. Just one way their controlling behaviour manifests itself.

Never mind, we don’t talk to them any more 🙃