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Original poster

Am I micromanaging my 14 year old

32 replies

Mickeyricky · 05/04/2025 23:33

I feel she has freedom and she pushes boundaries but it does seem her peers have a lot more Freedom

here are some examples

she she is out I will call her every hour or so and check her location ask who she is with

she does all her getting ready and prep for school

I cook all dinners and makes sure snacks are available

she doesn't do chores - I don't enforce this enough she also no longer gets pocket money but does get money to do things

I don't let her have sleepovers elsewhere

if she is going to a party I collect her at 10.30pm and give her a lift back - she is desperate to walk back with her friends.
I wouldn't trust anyone else to collect
her in case it falls through

she is allowed out but I have to know where

she's not left alone anymore last time I went out and left her for 3 hours she allowed some
boys in for an hour. I did tell her not to, I know them
they are lovely and are welcome round when I'm here but I don't want any situations

I work as a family safeguarding officer in a school and I find myself so anxious about things
my d d doesn't have the same freedom as others and is getting fed up but I feel like I need a tight reign around it to protect her. Am I depriving her of growth or is this appropriate ?
may her age I was I to all things I shouldn't have and ruining my life but I also had 2 very absent parents

OP posts:
stayathomer · 05/04/2025 23:38

The phoning every hour and not leaving alone seem a bit much and as the first poster said definitely chores (I’d also recommend teaching her how to cook), but the rest of it seems fine to me, especially the lifts home. 10.30 actually seems late to me unless it’s eg teen discos.

I wouldn’t allow sleepovers either, unless you know the family

Eenameenadeeka · 05/04/2025 23:38

Some parts yes some parts no. Id say she needs to do chores. I wouldn't call every hour when they are out, but I also wouldn't allow her to walk home at 10.30. sounds like you need to sit down together and compromise a bit, it does sound like you are trying to control a bit too much.

TheSassyAmberNewt · 05/04/2025 23:38

You’re being far too strict in places IMO.

Calling her every hour - too much. Trust her to be back at the time agreed.

Sleepovers - let her have sleepovers with the same sex.

Allow her to interact with the opposite sex! Boys should be fine to come round in the daytime. If you forbid this it will entice her to explore more. Build a relationship where she can come to you with questions or difficulties.

Chores - these should be about helping her transition from being a child to an adult. Start thinking through what she needs to know to run a house and get her helping out and learning.

Original poster
Mickeyricky · 05/04/2025 23:38

re chores I mean I want her to do them but she doesn't really do them
unkess she absolutely wants something then and there

OP posts:
murasaki · 05/04/2025 23:37

You're BU for calling every hour when she is out, how embarrassing for her. I don't like location finders, but would that calm you down a bit? Fine with lifts from parties I think at this age. No pocket money seems a bit harsh. Re leaving her alone at home, how long ago was that, does she deserve a second chance?

PlanetOtter · 05/04/2025 23:37

She might well be going to uni in 3/4 years time. Do you have a plan to get her ready for that when she’s so controlled now?

Catsbreakfast · 05/04/2025 23:35

She’s not six years old. Chores are ok for her. Freedom
is ok for her. I’d feel suffocated.