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Original poster

Feel disturbed by thought of expectations at funeral home

57 replies

Emoleno · 05/04/2025 22:31

My Fil recently died, after a long, painful illness. He was in a hospice.

Chatting to Mil today, and she told me a few details which she seems very blase about, but they have disturbed me.

Firstly, the funeral home asked if she wanted the body to be changed into a different outfit as he'd been very ill on his clothes. I thought this would be an upsetting thought for the family, but I suppose they have to ask. She said that it was a shame to put his body in his good clothes, as they were all about to be burned anyway.

Secondly, they asked if she wanted to see his body and warned her they it was starting to decay. Apparently his lips were black. I don't understand why anyone would want to see the body of a loved one in this state.

I don't really know why this has disturbed me as much as it has.

OP posts:
steff13 · 05/04/2025 22:37

Those are decisions that have to be made. They're both pretty innocuous questions.

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 22:36

I’m not clear on what you mean by ‘expectations’?

Octavia64 · 05/04/2025 22:36

it’s possible to have an
open or partially open casket. In some cases families or friends will come and sit with the body the night before the funeral.

so they need to ask what clothes and also whether the family want to sit with the body.

youcannaecallherfanny · 05/04/2025 22:36

These are normal questions for a funeral home to be asking

AquaPeer · 05/04/2025 22:35

I think some people are naturally more accepting and relaxed about death and suspect most people do as they age and get closer to it themselves.

it might be your own grief at the moment op, it’s hard to think about loved ones just being vessels and in that inbetween stage between life and burial whefe theyfe at the funeral home

Ryeman · 05/04/2025 22:34

These are totally normal questions for the funeral director to ask. Sorry for your loss.

Lemons1571 · 05/04/2025 22:34

It’s not clear what the funeral homes’ expectations that you refer to, actually are? They’ve just asked a couple of questions. What are you thinking that they are expecting of you or your MIL?