Drunken argument with DH - revealed he has pleasured himself to photos of my friend

MN is the wrong place to post this stuff, OP. Of course you're going to get a bunch of LTBs.

There's no law that says people can't find others attractive after they marry. It must have been a gut-punch to find out that he fancies your friend, but on the flip side, it "frees" you to find others attractive too. Why don't you get some photos of people you fancy and get to work with a vibrator, too?

I don't think it's a marriage-breaker that he fancies your friend - I'm sure he doesn't actually want to be with her and it's you that he loves. But it was a terrible mistake on his part to tell you about it.

I think you should communicate with him about it. Don't let him get out of the conversation.

You’ll never trust him again op. How awkward your friend comes round for a takeaway and your husbands sat there, you knowing he fancies her and has wank material of her on his phone! Imagine that kind of situation. So you either cut contact with your best friend who has done fuck all wrong here apart from be a woman or you separate from your dh because he has been a disgusting selfish man who you’ll never look at in the same way again.

He can't deny it because you saw the photos on his phone.

Sorry but no, I could not get past this. He has many photos of your friend, and only her by herself. I would leave. I honestly would you will never get over those images, and you know it. The marriage is over.

In short NO. Having an argument and sometimes saying something hurtful you don't really mean is one thing. This is something else. He's obsessed with your friend and the fact that he has taken photos from SM and cropped them out is so creepy that I'm speechless. I have no libido due to medication so I'm not interested in sex at all. My DH is disappointed but has never ever humiliated me or disrespected me for it.

Your DH has gone too far and there can be no way back from this. He has told you what kind of creep he is so believe him and leave him. This is a point of no return. I'm sorry OP, you deserve better than this.

I've read some grim things on here over the years...but this takes the biscuit. I'm so sorry OP I definitely couldn't come back from this. Wanking over pics of a model/porn star etc maybe, but using downloaded (!) pics of your best friend as a wank bank?!?!?!!! OMG 😧

Porn/mate/imsgination what’s the difference

No. Of course not. It's over, it's just a question of how long you drag it out for.

He's a creepy, sleazy piece of shit. You know this now.

Believe me, please please believe me, whatever you have found it that is NOT the worst of it. It never, never is. And even if this was the only putrescently disgusting thing he had admitted to - that's enough.

Don't listen to the pickme desperados. Far better to be alone than know that you are with a sleazer.

And no sex or problems with sex is not, ever, an excuse for being a sleazy creeper. It is fine to end a relationship or discuss problems wth sex and to insist that those problems are addressd. And then, if that doesn't happen it is fine to leave.

It is never, ever an excuse to be a creepy, sleazy pos.

I couldn’t get past that, it’s too far imo. What a fucking creep.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, nothing good will ever come of a relationship where there’s no sex.
Obviously he’s disgusting but my point still stands.
Either split up or work through your sexual issues.

How on earth can she ever be in the same room as the pair of them again never mind having sex with him again!

He's not in any kind of hole. His comment was perfectly reasonable.

Right! It just gets worse and worse.

Beyond grim and I don't know how you'll come back from that, although you also said something cruel and derogatory to start the arguement so it's not surprising he tried to hurt you. Just unfortunate with what he retaliated with. I think the relationship is over.

Seriously?

Exactly .
The fact that he went out of his way to crop photos of your bf is all a bit stalkerish tbh.
That type of behaviour would give me the creeps.
Grim

It’s over. You deserve better.

That is unforgivable. A complete deal-breaker. Honestly if the sex is mundane and boring, find something that makes you feel great or go at life single.

I couldn't continue with the relationship.

He isn't the man for you.

Wow, I am rarely speechless but this is one of the most degrading things I’ve ever heard! It’s so toxic and will cause so many issues going forward, it won’t be swept under the rug no matter how hard he tries. I really don’t think I could come back from this, I’m so sorry for the position you’re in x

The relationship is done.

People say shit in arguments sometimes

This is particularly malicious and nasty though.

Ew, what a vile creature

The dirty, disgusting bastard. I don't see how there's any coming back from that.

Not only is he selfish and lazy in bed with you, he's objectified your friend and wanked over her. Please do not tell her!! She doesn't deserve this!

What a spectacularly silly comment, even for MN.

Yawn 🙄

People say shit in arguments sometimes, especially when drunk. What’s unforgivable imo isn’t what he’s said but what he’s actually done.

I don’t think it matters what you said to him, exactly what he said to you etc - what matters is that in the course of this argument it’s come out that he’s been downloading pictures of your friend to wank over. That, in my view, rather than the argument, is what is relationship ending. It’s misogynistic, creepy as fuck and incredibly disrespectful to you and her!

Yawn 🙄

I’m sure your Nigel is fantastic!