Drunken argument with DH - revealed he has pleasured himself to photos of my friend

Jay from the inbetweeners? That you?

Bit early to be on the booze

Unless you are the husband?

gd its grim enough he did it but then he told you and then when he went to PROVE it when you didnt believe it?

this man doesnt love you, he doesnt even like you

No.

I mean, unless you’re ok with him pretending you’re Emma every time you have sex?

I think this relationship is done.

I reckon he’s secretly shagged/shagging the friend.

I remember you now and the post about your friends bottom.

Most of the advice then was leave.

He is telling you who he really is. He wants out but he just wants a nuclear way to carve a path for him.

No way, but the relationship sounds crap anyway.

Reproducing with your first cousin is proven to cause fetal deformities and genetic disorders. I find it very unfair on the child. I’ve lived in an Arab country so I’m aware certain countries offer genetic testing before marriage to avoid this from happening but these tests are not 100% foolproof. It's not racist to disagree with the practise.

Basically, you told him he was a crap shag and he then admitted wanking over your friend. This is dead in the water op.
Telling him in that scenario that he is crap in bed is never going to end well. If you have issues with his sexual performance or other reasons why you don’t want to have sex with him (is he lazy, doesn’t pull his weight at home etc) you discuss it soberly and in an appropriate manner. The VAST majority of men would feel extremely hurt in this scenario. He obviously did and he’s lashed out.
The cropping of pictures from social media though of your friend is just beyond awful. Couldn’t he have found some stranger to wank over? If he’d said he’d used porn because you wouldn’t have sex with him, I could maybe understand, but your friend? Nope. He’s crossed a line and what’s more, he bloody knows it, which is why he’s lying to your face this morning.

Honestly, why are you even asking this question? Are toxic relationships the norm now so much so people can’t see how toxic they are? Even before the admittance of the photo, the drunken shouting with insults would be enough for me.

I’m sorry op, but I don’t think there’s any way back from this either. He admitted to wanking over your friend! And showed you photos! Jeez. You will never know if he is thinking about her - how could you ever have sex with him again. Ugh.

I'm a bloke (for clarity)....... right up to the bit where you wrote about him cutting/editing pictures up, I was going to write 'there's two sides to the story/takes both of you to make the sex side of things work'..... but his admission of doing what he's done and proving it to you (however drunk) is....... not good.

It's not even occurred to me to do that (and your post got me thinking it has to be said) but there's a line you know? (or should be).

Perhaps other men do it and I'm just old fashioned? (I'm in my 50's) - perhaps it's a younger generation thing.

Another poster wrote about blokes being weird little creatures or borgs. I can assure her that we aren't borgs (but yes, perhaps weird - although that could be described as 'unique' and there is a huge difference between us fellas. I'm lucky enough to have 4 v v close friends and we are all seriously different). We are not all like the blokes portrayed on mumsnet (where, naturally, some of the more extreme examples of human behaviour and humans overall are described).

Got to say though that this behaviour of the op's husband is definitely not good imo whether the sex is bad or not. That goes far deeper than just a lack of sex. Has implications right across the board (of entire gamut of the relationship). I actually think he's ill.

We all know that kids/life/schooling/financial pressures/older parents/illness/just life you know? changes things in the relationship (particularly for the woman imo) in that sex and desire (on the woman's side) becomes driven far more from the emotional support side of the relationship bracket than the physical stymulus side (oh look, hubby has a 6 pack). The triggers for a good sex life are far more in the head (so to speak) than physical, speaking from experience. I know because I've been found wanting on that front I'm afraid. Took me a v v long time to work it out.

Also - don't get pissed with your husband - far better to stagger things so one drinks on a night out whilst the other doesn't - saves you both from terrible arguments at 1am (but his photo editing exploits needed to come out actually regardless).

No. So sorry

Ewww how disgusting