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Original poster

Partner won't put me on deeds !!

136 replies

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:24

Hi, my ex partner and i have been seeing each other for a couple of months to see if we can rescue our long term relationship (25 years)...he asked me to go back a few months ago and he said he'd put me on the deeds of the house..but after talking to him today he said he wanted to see where the relationship went before moving forward with that!!
This causes a massive problem for me because I think he doesn't see me has his equal...after everything I've put into the property I think I deserve something...am I being unreasonable? I can't see a way forward tbh if we can't get past this...

OP posts:
Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:48

@Gremlins101 The eldest has his own family now and he tries to stay impartial tbh...he did support me when I left though., the younger boy has aspergers.. he's not very emphatic, he doesn't like change at all so struggled when I first left.

OP posts:
AffableApple · 05/04/2025 21:48

Your ex partner won't put you on the deeds. He's not your partner. He's dangling the possibility of something he never did for you while you were together, whilst also dangling his penis. He's keenly giving you the latter and he's never giving you the former. You had a fairly traditional set up for a marriage by the look of things. You were a lower earner, took on the majority of childcare, and contributed to bills. But you never got married so you weren't legally protected. I'm sorry, OP - you can try going after him for the cost of the improvements - but he may also go after you for rent? You'll get nothing out of this financially, and you're getting nothing good from this man. Kindly, move on sooner rather than later.

Semiramide · 05/04/2025 21:44

Some of the comments here are very passive-aggressive and/or nasty. Yes, the OP has been naive and too trusting, but that's no reason to kick while she's down.

@Stockgirl - you sacrificed a lot for this man, and you deserve some form of recognition, but sadly this is not going to happen. The best you can do is dust yourself down and focus on your future without him. I hope you'll find the strength to live your best life!

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 21:44

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:33

@spicemaiden No they're our children, he has no other children.

So you are not married?

You’ve been taken for a ride and it sounds like your children’s father is also more than happy to screw over your children too.

im sorry.

m if you’ve already had legal advice follow it

You probably don’t have much of a leg to stand on.

Gremlins101 · 05/04/2025 21:40

It sounds so cruel what this man has done to you. I'm so sorry OP.

You were his life partner. You raised both your kids and took a financial hit because of it. I'm in that situation now (the kids are small). If my husband let me leave with nothing in 20 odd years, I think I'd murder him......

You deserve half the house ffs!

I am interested to know what your adult kids think of their mother struggling with rent while their father keeps the house.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:40

@Poppyseeds79 I'm not itching to sell it at all , my son lives there and he has asperger's so selling up isn't an option tbh...I just wanted my name on the deeds so if anything happened to my ex then my son wouldn't have any legal problems to sort.

OP posts:
YourAzureEagle · 05/04/2025 21:37

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:05

@FondantFancyFan I didn't realise you could do that !! Thank you 😊

You can't, as I read it you are not presently residing there, and are therefore not cohabiting, so cannot get a restriction, alas.

Indeed under section 77 of the legislation your ex could claim against you for any legal fees incurred by such a restriction if placed without reasonable cause.

This prevents every unpaid dodgy builder putting restrictions on their clients homes.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:33

@spicemaiden No they're our children, he has no other children.

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 05/04/2025 21:29

The ship has long sailed. Also you're talking about why won't he help you out financially? Presumably because he's not daft enough to put someone on the deeds whose itching to sell it from underneath him.

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 21:18

OP are your children his children too? Or did you literally babysit his children?

CopperWhite · 05/04/2025 21:16

You don’t babysit your own children. He supported you and your children throughout the time you were raising children which is all he owed you, and then you left.

Why would he ‘help you financially’ when the relationship is this unstable and it would mean risking his and his child’s home?

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2025 21:09

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:58

@1SillySossij I didn't live rent free , all my wages went back into the house on bills and food, and I was a full time baby sitter for his kids!!

You don’t “babysit” your own children. It’s just parenting.

He’s not giving you any of his house.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:05

@FondantFancyFan I didn't realise you could do that !! Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:58

@1SillySossij I didn't live rent free , all my wages went back into the house on bills and food, and I was a full time baby sitter for his kids!!

OP posts:
1SillySossij · 05/04/2025 20:49

So in 25 years you have paid for external doors and some flooring and otherwise lived there rent free only contributing to the bills? Why do you think you are entitled to anything?

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:49

@dogcatkitten I think you're correct.

OP posts:
dogcatkitten · 05/04/2025 20:44

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:45

@DelphiniumBlue there were a few reasons tbh..I felt like he deserved a sexual relationship with someone else because I couldn't give him one and also he'd been messaging a ex girlfriend from before we met saying they were soulmates and meant to be together etc...

So you have no relationship now (he wants a sexual relationship with someone else and another someone else is his soulmate) but you want half of the house, never going to happen.

DenholmElliot11 · 05/04/2025 20:44

I'd be even less likely to put you on the deeds if the mortgage was paid up in full.

Newgirls · 05/04/2025 20:36

You paid for disposable things (food etc) and he paid for the asset which is solely his. Start saving all your money for your own future now.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:32

@Dillydollydingdong That's why I left him 8 months ago because I thought he deserved to have a loving relationship.
I was stupid to think I could go back, nothing has changed...I need to move on once and for all.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 05/04/2025 20:25

What possible advantage is there to him by putting your name on the deeds to the house? If a relationship doesn't involve sex, it's just a friendship. Nothing wrong with friendship but it falls far short of what is necessary for a lifetime commitment.

faerietales · 05/04/2025 20:21

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:16

@Lounderflounder I was in love so didn't think anything of it I guess...

Well, it's an expensive lesson learned. You need to walk away before you make any more silly decisions.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:16

@Lounderflounder I was in love so didn't think anything of it I guess...

OP posts:
Lounderflounder · 05/04/2025 20:12

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:38

I paid for double glazed doors and flooring, furnishings etc and half of the bills every month.
I left with absolutely nothing except my clothes.
I saw a solicitor and he said that I'd have an expensive fight on my hands if I wanted to take him to court.
I just see him in a different light now tbh , I thought he cared deeply about me but if he did then why not help me financially.

Why would you pay for all that in the first place if you weren't named on the house paperwork. Crazy.